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NightDee · Mar 18, 2009, 02:51 PM

Hi..
Long story short.. I am in love with this girl, and she loves me back.. but she's engaged and she's 1.5 year older than me.. but she loves me back... she said she wanted me, but she can't make a decision (to leave him), she says she can't take that step.. but we both want each other... I love her to death so does she.. but it has been like 5 months since we last tried to find a solution.. we are tired of thinking... I was wondering if anyone could help me?! Any advice? :s :(

latenite101 · Mar 18, 2009, 03:14 PM

She needs to make her finance aware of her feelings for you. Because, this is something that will continue into the marriage. This could be very very bad for her mentally and detrimental to her relationship. My advice to is to back off. As harsh as it may sound, you don't want to be with somebody who is 2-timing somebody else. I know from experience, once a cheater, always a cheater. Maybe she'll do the right thing and break it off, but I wouldn't hold my breath.

liz28 · Mar 19, 2009, 06:31 PM

If she loved you and only wanted to be with you than she would be with you.

Two wrongs don't make it right because not only is she with somebody else, she is engage to that person. And you knowing this information shouldn't have put yourself in this situation.

This girl might be just stringing you along and might just be keeping you around as a lifeboat. Whatever the reason might be I would've been long gone instead of staying in someone web of confusion.

Since she can't make a choice why don't you make it easy for her by leaving.

Fr_Chuck · Mar 19, 2009, 06:34 PM

If she really loved you and wanted to be with you, she would merely break up with other person and be with you.

Same advice as when the women comes here in love with the married man.

Unless he is willing to physcially make that break, her actions are telling you what she really feels.

artlady · Mar 19, 2009, 07:10 PM

Unless she is afraid to break it off with the BF than there is no excuse other than she does not really want to quit him for you.

Do you give her something that she is perhaps using you for? And that is what she is afraid of losing?

Is there a cultural reason she cannot leave this man if she wishes?

dontknownuthin · Mar 19, 2009, 07:19 PM

OK. The solution isn't hard. She makes a choice between you and her fiancé. If this has gone on for 5 months, whether she intends to or not she's using you for the charge she gets from being desired by two men. She hasn't picked you. She hasn't gone through the tough step of parting with the other man. She is not an honest partner - not to you, as clearly you still think there's a chance. Not to her partner, who she's cheated on by merely entertaining the idea of another man while she's engaged. Her actions are not those of a woman you should be with, whether you love her or not.

Passion and love are two different things. You can have both, but love is a quite, soft, non-crazy place to fall and if that's not there, the passion is little more than lust. I'd say to cut her loose and don't look back. She's a learning opportunity, not your life.

Lowtax4eva · Mar 19, 2009, 07:22 PM

She isn't even married and is afraid to break up with her boyfriend?

She must not like you as much as she says because it is very easy to call off the wedding, it sounds like she is leading you on... possibly just because she likes the attention.

I don't think she will ever leave this guy