[live_love_laugh]

OK this is so hard to do but I'm trying because I really love this girl but its so hard being with her because she's never had disaplin.shes never had to work hard for anything.she don't have a dad that's really there for her and her mom lets her do what ever she wants.and soon she's going to be 18 and know where near ready for what the worlds like.I know its not my reasonsibilty to look after her but if I don't then it like what would happen to her?I had a hard hard life and I don't want someone I love to have to go threw the same.I feel like if I leave then she will end up on crack or belonging to a pimp.she has no one telleing her to do good to keep going no one standing behind her.shes had ruff life with men.her dad left her mom all her ex boyfriends cheated or did her wrong.so its so hard for me to get her to let me in and be there for her.its like she's waiting for me to leave her life and alone like everyone has so far.man I really don't know what to do but pray I need help!!

[adviceishere]

You say you love her and it shows, have you ever thought of both your future together? She seems to need to security in her life, maybe you could make a deal with her? She has to find a job and your both going to start saving together for your future, if you build some kind of foundation between you she will see this and it may put her mind at ease, you don't have to move in together but saving is a start, and her job will give her some kind of independence no matter what the outcome. You don't have to be with this girl just because your afraid for her, you can always be in her life no matter what outcome your relationship has, you can be her friend for life if she lets you but you can't feel so responsible if she does go downhill, you've done your bit and that all you can do. I don't have a lot of experience in this but I hope I can help in some way, good luck

[redhed35]

It could be years before this girl has the maturity needed for a long term relationship,wanting to care for her and keep her from harm,although brave,its not very fair on you.

There's always a price in these kind of relationships,and you pay it,in worry,sleepless nights,tears and often heartbreak.

Do you want to be the father/mother/friend/boyfriend? That's a lot of work,and very one sided.

She not your responsibility,I understand that you love her,but if you can take a step back and ask yourself 'what am I getting out of this relationship?' be honest with yourself,is this the kind of relationship you want?

[LightCross]

You seem really care about her a lot , but relationship works mutually she has her own decision whether to let you to guide her through her life or not. Neither the relationship or the guiding process would work if there is no mutual cooperation, I believe the cooperation part is pretty decent in your part, so the rest is up to her to cooperate or not.

[live_love_laugh]

Comment on LightCross's post

She always cooperaters with me then when boundairs,resrictions are told to her she runs because it gets hard and she gives up

Comment on redhed35's post

'what am I getting out of this relationship? I guess I need to figure that out.

Comment on adviceishere's post

Yea we thought about both our futures toghther it seems that's al we talk about but putting that plan in to action is hard,we live 300mils apart.and I noticedthe only time she like coroporates is if I'm not myself,like if I'm a di.k and act like I don't care then she dose better.but I can't and don't want to be someone I'm not

[talaniman]

You are none of the things you are trying to be, so just focus on being honest with yourself, and then you can be honest with her. You can't have a healthy relationship with the thought of saving a person from themselves, and the mistakes they are bound to make. And love is not enough, when the reality of life requires some very hard work.

How did you meet this girl, and how long have you been dating, and how long have you been in this long distance relationship??

[acciosnivellus]

I know what it's like playing multiple roles in a relationship. I felt like a parent and babysitter above all to my ex. I cared so deeply for his well being. I felt like I couldn't leave him because I didn't know what kind of trouble he would get into without me. I felt responsible for what he did or did not do. I was taking up his slack. I had so much weight burdened on me because he was not ready to step up to the plate. He was so used to me always being there for him and cleaning up his messes.

I got to the point where I was just too exhausted to care as deeply as I wanted to. And I slowly began to realize I DIDN'T HAVE TO! I'm feeling more and more relieved to be able to focus on myself, although I do worry about him still, but those feelings are fading. You can only care and give so much before you reach your breaking point. If you decide the relationship is a dead end, then at least you can walk away knowing that you tried your hardest and cared more than most people would.

[talaniman]

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...id-506305.html

Did you not take the advice given in the last post?? Or was this a different female that you met on the Internet. If it is the same person, you could have solved this problem long ago, because in two posts now you have very little positive to say about her, so the question really is, why have you not taken actions on your behalf, and why are you taking her back, yet again?

[Jake2008]

It is time to maybe think about what a relationship is, and what a relationship isn't.

Two people, with similar goals, insterests, that are each independent on their own, but together because they compliment each other. By choice two people come together, and each is there to continue to build upon a future together.

To be in a relationship where one continuously needs to be 'saved', and the other continuously does the 'saving', is about as lopsided as it gets.

One part of the relationship cannot do all the giving, while the other does all the taking. During any relationship it is give and take. But to realize that the position you are in goes far beyond that in that you feel you are her boyfriend, teacher, father, friend- is not something sustainable.

You aren't doing her any favours in allowing her to rely on you, in any of the roles you are filling. As long as you keep doing what you are doing, she will not grow up. None of us can avoid the pitfalls of growing up, her included.

It is not your place to keep a relationship going, thinking that you are destined to be her knight in shining armour, and your job is to protect her from all the terrible things that could happen, some of which you experienced yourself growing up.

She needs to learn, probably the hard way, as many of us have, that she needs to learn the lessons and skills in order to be an independent adult. When she is able to sustain her own life under her own steam, only then, can she be ready to have a relationship with anybody, for all the right reasons.

Like an over protective parent, you are not helping her grow up, by bailing her out and protecting her from life.

[live_love_laugh]

Thank you everybody I broke up with her so far so good I'm still stessed and want to help her but it seems she's doing good on her own I keep my didstace and don't talk to her as much because it hurts till.

[adviceishere]

Well done man! You must be a really strong headed person, I don't know if I could have done it, of course it hurts but you mean well and its all for the best :)