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sixkegabs · Jan 7, 2011, 10:22 AM

Hello everyone,

I am new to the site. I am very sad and need some advice. Every since the first week of December 2010 my girlfriend has been acting very strange. One major thing that I have noticed is the amount of time texting and on Facebook has increased. She has even started sitting in her car outside to use the phone. When I asked about this behavior she said it was done out of respect for me because she didn't want to turn the TV down. I have access to her phone records, since its in my name, and I can see where she is talking to someone else a lot more than me. I used SlyDial and found out this person is a guy. She has started staying gone for days at a time and curiously, her amount of texts to this guy drop significantly. What other ways can I get information so I can approach her about the suspicious behavior?

Wondergirl · Jan 7, 2011, 10:30 AM

There's no need for more information. You and I both know what's going on. Now, what are you going to do about it?

answerme_tender · Jan 7, 2011, 10:31 AM

If your in a grown up relationship, then all you have to do is be a grown up and come right out and talk to her. Have a heart to heart conversation with her.

Take care

talaniman · Jan 7, 2011, 10:39 AM

Just me, I would lay the bills out and tell her the plan is about to change. She gets her own and I do my thing, and she does hers. What's the point in playing Secret Agent when you already have enough facts for a conversation?

sixkegabs · Jan 7, 2011, 10:43 AM

Thanks for the fast replies. I know I need to have a talk with her but how do I point out the facts and how I got them? Just come out and say it or just ask about who she is talking to?

Wondergirl · Jan 7, 2011, 10:55 AM

Originally Posted by sixkegabs

Thanks for the fast replies. I know I need to have a talk with her but how do I point out the facts and how I got them? Just come out and say it or just ask about who she is talking to?

Why do you have to point out the facts? (She knows what they are. :D) Just tell her the phone plan/billing is going to change (you are canceling the current plan), and she's on her own for phone service. If she asks why, tell her you do not wish to pay for her calls to another man. If she wants proof, just stare at her until her eyes drop (which will be real soon).

Definitely don't blubber all sorts of excuses and apologies and explanations. You don't owe her a thing. The more you talk, the more you water this down. Say your piece as briefly as possible, then shut up and go into action mode. (That's also how to deal with a naughty child.)

answerme_tender · Jan 7, 2011, 10:56 AM

I would just come out and tell her. I wouldn't act upset or hurt--you don't want her to have the upper hand by showing how hurt you are about this. Just let her know the facts.

LightCross · Jan 7, 2011, 11:21 AM

It is better to talk out things with her rather than doing your own investigation behind her back and being discovered later on by her which make the situation worse than now. Find a good time and then talk to her how you feel and confront her about things you noticed lately and how you uncomfortable by it,but at the same time make the conversation abit light for her because well some girl just get hurt as they will think 'why my boyfriend doubt me?he doesn't trust me,etc'. Basically you should talk things out with her but watch how you talk it out

I wish · Jan 7, 2011, 11:25 AM

I'm going to take a different angle on this. They way I see it is that if it's not this guy, it could be another guy.

The bottom line is that she's having problems with you and she's not expressing them. Therefore, it sounds more like she's giving up on the relationship, but still hanging on to you for some reason. Maybe you're the backup plan and she's just exploring other guys. If it doesn't work out with other guys, she always has you to fall back on.

I suggest you figure out why she's becoming more distant from you rather than talking about this guy other.

sixkegabs · Jan 7, 2011, 01:32 PM

The sad part of all this is -- I really don't want to talk about it. In my heart I know she is doing something inappropriate. I feel like she is exploring options and that I am the safety net. I feel like if she has given up on the relationship, is it even worth saving?

answerme_tender · Jan 7, 2011, 01:40 PM

If she is already exploring new boyfriend material, then she basically has already left this relationship emotionally. She is not left physically yet because she is keeping you as option B until option A becomes available for her!!

Nobody wants to be anyone's Option B---move on and find the woman you will appreciate having a man that will stand by her. You deserve to be the right woman's Option A. Take care

sixkegabs · Jan 21, 2011, 10:41 AM

This thread added to the older one

Hello everyone again,

This is a post to a question I asked about 2 weeks ago. I appreciate all the advice that was given to me. I sat down and talked to my girlfriend and asked her if she was happy with our relationship. She said yes. I didn't present any evidence against her or show frustration or anything. I asked her how she felt about honesty and asked her if she felt we had complete honesty in our relationship. She said honesty was very important and she felt we had it in our relationship. I walked away from that conversation feeling better about the situation. Well Thursday, January 13th, I sent her a text asking her what her plans were for the weekend. I asked if she wanted to go the beach or to any special place. She then flipped out on me and accused me of eavesdropping on her texts. She said that she had suspected that I had her texts sent to my computer so I could find out what she was talking about. She said she had sent false texts to her friends to try and catch me looking at her texts. She said she had looked in to it and found out that our carrier allows that. Every since our talk, she has talked to this guy more and more, sometimes until 2 or 3 in the morning. After she claims honesty is so important to her how can I trust her anymore?

answerme_tender · Jan 21, 2011, 11:30 AM

How do you know that she is talking to another guy until 2-3 in the morning ?

talaniman · Jan 21, 2011, 12:42 PM

Cut it out, just disappear from her life and be done with the drama and the games. If you expected her to be honest then you had to be honest, plus when trust is gone, you should have been gone.

sixkegabs · Jan 21, 2011, 01:00 PM

Amswerme_tender, I know she is doing this because I get the cell phone bill and it shows the numbers she text messages. There is one number that shows up a lot, more than mine. I called it and got the voice mail of a guy that she has mentioned before. She talks to this guy at all hours and even sometimes when we are on dates.

answerme_tender · Jan 21, 2011, 02:18 PM

Sixkegabs,

Its time to move on with your life. Its just a matter of time before she puts a end to it anyway. The only reason she is keeping you around is she isn't real sure about were she stand with this other guy, but as soon as she get a firm nod it will be " OUT WITH THE OLD, IN WITH THE NEW".

Why not just go ahead a show her you have a lot more class then to just wait to be thrown out, just tell her you need some space!! Then go to NO CONTACT, not even Facebook or texting NOTHING. Get out and do things with friends.
Take care.

I wish · Jan 21, 2011, 03:26 PM

Sounds like your trust is broken. Seems like she's just looking for any excuse to throw at your. You're walking on eggshells all day. It's time to cut loose and go your own separate ways.