[chiptunz]

Hi everyone. I feel like there are lots of this kind of question on here but here goes.

I'm 22, my girlfriend is 21. We've been together since we were both 17, so it's coming up on 5 years this summer. Being horny teenagers, we used have sex every day when we started dating. (We were both virgins before we started dating.) Over the years it's tapered off gradually so nowadays we do it about twice a month. That's issue number one.

We're now living together in a little apartment and going to school away from our hometown. Apart from the lack of sex, I'd say our relationship is pretty great. We get along well, we make one another laugh, we have fun and we really do love each other. I've always been able to kind of look past the lack of sex because she really is a beautiful person and I love everything else about her. There's lots of reasons I think she doesn't like having sex with me often: she has low self-esteem and really poor self-image (She's what you'd call voluptuous - and I don't mean that as a euphemism for fat. She's NOT fat by any stretch. I love her body. It drives me wild but she's quite insecure about her weight), she's medicated (ADD medication and antidepressants), daddy issues, etc.

Issue number two is that she'll be going back to our hometown this coming summer, then going to Germany next fall. I'll be staying here. We'll probably be apart for a year. I don't know if I can do the long distance thing and I don't know if we should still be together.

I think that if we were to stay together and do a long-distance relationship, it would be like, how could the lack of sex be an issue? It would be impossible for us to have sex anyway, so it wouldn't be because she just wasn't into it. I know I could think that way if we stayed together. But then eventually she'd be back and we'd have the same issue. I just don't know what I should do.

Five years is a long time. Lots of people get married before that. The alternative to breaking up and finding someone better is just staying with her forever and I don't see our sex life improving as we get older - I don't know, does that happen? So what do you guys think, do I stay with my girlfriend and do the long distance relationship, try to improve our sex life, or stick it out for the rest of this school term (four months) then break up with her before this summer when she goes on a big adventure without me?

[talaniman]

Lack of sex could be anything from low sex drive to just being busy and tired. For sure the lust has worn off, and after this time, surely you have discovered the many ways of love and intimacy for yourselves. Also her medications have a lot to do with her sex drive, but that's an issue for her doctor.

As far as breaking up because of the distance goes, that's something to talk about, and decide on together. That's where the real love of honest communications comes from. That's what will allow you to meet the coming challenges ahead, so talk and listen to each other and see if you want to conquer the world together, or apart.

[Steph_Love]

Sounds like a nice relationship. I think you should try the long distance thing and see how it goes. One of two things might happen. One, you may fall apart. Or two, being away from each other may bring you closer together. Either way, I think it's worth a shot. As per the sex issue, antidepressants can lower ones sex drive and on top of that, she's insecure about herself. You should try to help her to get better and off the meds. You can also try to spice things up a bit.

[silentscreamx3]

I don't think you're having relationship problems at all. Lack of sex doesn't necessarily mean that she doesn't love you any less. It just means a) she's tired from work, schoo, etc b) she just doesn't want to and c) you guys used to have sex everyday when you were younger... that should just say it all. As you get older, yes your sex drive does go down. It doesn't really mean anything, it just means you don't want to have sex as much as when you were younger. You figure, 'hey, what's the big deal about sex? We did it when we were 17, and its really not that big of a deal.' so the lack of sex is no reason to be thinking that your relationship with your girlfriend is dying.

Your second issue with her going away for a year, don't break up with her because of that. There are plenty of ways for you guys to stay in touch with each other. Skype, oovoo, email, aim/yahoo chat, Facebook whatever. You can even call her somehow. I know there are ways. She's going to be away for a year, and you are worried that your sex life is going to go down? Look, your sex life will be just fine, you have to worry about her. She wants to be with you, and you want to be with her. Why let a few thousand miles separate you two in a matter of months? Its not worth it. You have a future with her, you just don't know it yet. Hang in there buddy, I know you guys will be okay. There are worse things to actually worry about in a relationship than this. You guys are compatible, and you guys are so good for each other. Don't let a little thing like this get you down.