[sixfootzeroinch]

Hi. This is quite long but I would appreciate it if you could give me some advice. My girlfriend of 18months suddenly broke up with me 7 weeks ago.

I first noticed something was wrong about a week after her 21st birthday. She brought up in conversation on the way home that she didn't want me to go to a theme park that she'd already invited me to for the coming weekend. Originally she'd invited me to go with her best friend and her cousin. She said that she's invited her sister-in-law as well now so there will be an even number on the rides and there would be no need for me to go. We had abit of a disagreement about the situation and there was abit of tension for the night.

The next 2days I didn't see her, but I noticed she wasn't texting me as much and she was just answering my questions but not making any other conversation. I saw her the night before she was going to the theme park and she seemed quite off with me, she was trying to make me feel guilty because she said she wanted a romantic night, this seemed impossible though because of the mood she was in.

The next day she went to the theme park, texted me a few times until I got a message later saying that she loves me but she wants some space for a few days. I gave her about 4 days with no contact, and then I text her asking if she was OK. She said she was fine and she will ring me on Tuesday (which would have been another 5 days). I said I need to know what's wrong, and she's suppose to tell me everything because I'm her boyfriend. Eventually she said that since she turned 21 she's realised that she needs to live, and not settle down yet. Also that she wants to sort out her life and get her own friends rather than mine. She also said that she thinks our relationship is moving to something that's not there anymore. However the previous month when we were on hol she seemed happy and was even talking about moving in together and marriage. She didn't speak to me at all, this was all by text message.

We met up on the Tuesday when she was going to ring me, she seemed friendly with me but was avoiding talking about our relationship. She said she's been meeting up with old friends, even her ex who cheated on her a 2years before she got with me, and her old best mate who he cheated on her with. I brought it into conversation about our relationship and I said we can get through this together, I said she should spend more time with her friends and maybe we should see less of each other and I would help her sort her career out. But she said she wasn't going to change her mind. A few days later she blocked me and my brothers girlfriend on Facebook, she is still friends with some of my friends and my brother though on Facebook though.

About 10 days later a picture appeared on Facebook that he sister-in-law posted, it was a family party at their house and I noticed she was there as well as her ex but in different photo's. I was upset, and I probably shouldn't have done the next thing but I went into her emails as I know her passwords. I found an e-mail she had sent to her ex saying 'I miss you' and he had replied saying 'I miss you too, I hate Monday mornings after our weekends together'. This is 2weeks after we split up.

From what I can gather from other emails to other people is she met up with him on the day after she said she needed space (I don't know if this was the 1st time or if anything happened). Apart from this I don't know anything else, I hate myself for doing it but I have been into her emails again recently and she has been saying to friends her life is a mess. I've stopped doing this now though as I feel terrible doing it.

I text her as she owes me £500. She brought me £100 of the money 3 weeks ago. She was friendly towards me asking about how I am and hugged me when she left. I asked who brought her and she said the name of her ex but said he's a mate. I made out I didn't know anything about the emails. I think I played it cool making out I'm getting on fine but I'm really not at all. I miss her so much and seeing her triggered all my emotions off again.

I text her 2 weeks ago asking when I could have the rest of the money and she just said I don't know. I haven't heard anything since. I don't know how she's is but she hasn't made any effort to contact me. The only contact is about the money. People have told me to forgot her and move on but to get the money. I'm not really bothered about the money it just principle. It's killing me because we went from being so close seeing each other 4 days a week and now we not even speaking.

I've been going out at weekends, getting drunk but its not really getting me anywhere. I end up dreaming about her and I wake up crying. She was my first serious relationship. I could do with some advice to get through this as I'm feeling so down. It's Christmas but it's like a black cloud, we were so happy this time last year. I've never been a very confident guy and I can't see how I'm going to find anyone else.

I would be grateful for some advice please. Thanks in advanace.

[talaniman]

Yeah guy that first break up is tough, especially with the hopes of forever still in your head, with the talk of marriage and a life together, and she changes her mind.

You are in limbo wondering what happened. Life happened, and you have to stop ALL contact with her, and completely disappear from each others lives. That means texting, emails, social networks, changing mutual friends, and building a life that you enjoy, without her in it.

None of this is easy, matter of fact, break ups always suck, and having absolutely NO CONTACT with her probably will be the hardest thing you have ever done in your life.

But do it, and read the stickies that explains why.

We all have been through this, it's a defining moment in your young life, and you are hardly alone in learning how to cope with your feelings of loss, disappointment, and rejection.

It's a normal part of life, and its growing pains like this that make us better in the future. I know you can't see it now, while you are going through this, you are hurting too much to see anything but a lot of emotional pain, but eventually you will.

It will take time, like all wounds do, to heal, but stop the Facebook stalking, and it will get better.

[lvgmng]

Time... that is what you need. You can't make her come back which I'm sure you realize that. You won't forget her either, you will have to accept that. The old saying time heals all wounds is true to some extent. It will get easier I can tell you that. Not reading her emails will definitely help too. Some things you can try to help you get through this is doing new things. You said your not a confidant guy. If its your physical appearance then try working on it, exercising, subtle changes in how you dress or fix your hair can be dramatic ego boosts when you get those compliments on the changes. If its an emotional thing then try some emotional exercises that might help you build your confidence. Things you haven't been able to do in the past, try in small steps to do them now. For example... If its asking a stranger to dance the worst ask, they will say is no. Also try to stay busy. Hobbies you let go while you were with her can help or even new hobbies. Whatever they are make sure they are things that get you out of the house. Staying in the house looking at four walls can very depressing. Avoid depressing conversations with friends and family. If you watch TV... Watch only comedies and action... no romance or horror or dramas, these will only add to sadness. I can tell you from experience it does get better unfortunately it just takes time.

[chocolateemamii]

Sweetie I know that you guys have been dating for a year an 6 months which is a pretty long time. You might have feelings for him, but unfortunately you should just give her some space.

Maybe she decided that she wants to be with her ex boyfriend. But you shouldn't cry. I know it hurts, but just be strong.

The best advice that I could give you is to talk to her, and ask her what do she really want, and if its not to be with you then you will need to move on.

Acourse it will take time to overcome the problem that you and her are having, but you will come across a lady that appreciate you, and would love to be with you.

[talaniman]

All your threads new threads about the same thing will be deleted and so will this one if you don not give some feedback or input to the posts that you have gotten. Further, post that are not readable will also be deleted.

[sixfootzeroinch]

Comment on talaniman's post

Thanks for that advice, much appreciated. I will try some of the things you suggested. I've stopped checking her e-mail and it's going to stay that way. I hope she regrets it one day and hopefully I will have moved on by then.

Comment on lvgmng's post

Thanks for the advice. I will take it and try rebuilding my confidence. It's been 8 weeks now since we broke up and still feeling low,but I enquired about joining a gym yesterday so hopefully that will help. My family have been great too.

[lvgmng]

Awesome! Good for you! One step at time you will be you again, new and improved. Just hang in there and don't give up on yourself.

[sixfootzeroinch]

Thanks for the sdvice too. I just don't understand how she was fine one day and then she chaged overnight. I don't know what she's thinking but I'm going to try and move on and forgot her I think, it's going to be hard as we have so many memories.

[chocolateemamii]

I most definitely agree with you. It is going to be hard, and I don't understand how she changed so quickly.