[adoptapet]

We have had many conversations about our problem. Once we talk everything is good for a few months but then I go back to my bad habits and I forget about our love making. I have also read some self-help books to no avail. Please help me. I want to be a loving partner and take on my responsibility by initiating sex. Please give me some suggestions.

[talaniman]

You don't have to be romantic to pay attention to your partner. Was that 30 years you have been together??

[answerme_tender]

I am not trying to make lite of situation, but if you are not a real romantic person and get into a routine and just basically forget, then why not just get a personal size calendar and mark down a romantic idea that you can do for your partner on that date. Keep doing this until you get into a routine. Just a simple idea. Good luck

[bestbessie]

Romance and sexual feelings are sometime not the same thing! Romantic actions can be all sorts of things, anything that lets someone know you are thinking about them, making their favourite meal, playing a board game together by candlelight, having a bath.

If sexual contact is the issue and you are not naturally affectionate or sexual, it is worth trying to 'build the bridge' back to each other.

It needs to start with an acceptance from both that any touching does not mean that sex has been initiated. If it happens, great but it can put too much pressure on the other if it's not clearly understood that there is also a possibility it won't lead to sex. By building a bridge I mean getting used to simply touching again, scratching their back, neck rubs, holding hands.

This can be such a difficult issue for men. I listened to a radio show the other day where the sex therapist spoke about the painful longing a man had for his wife, how he avoided seeing her in the shower because he wanted her so badly and she was so clear he was not to touch her. The therapist was Bettina Arndt and she has written books which are precisely about this issue! Good luck.