[askme110]

My fiancé died this week in a tragic car accident. She meant the world to me. We loved each other so much, and were so excited about our future together. We had known each other since middle school. We both were about to turn 28 within the next two months. Every morning I wake up and cry. Sometimes I don't stop crying for hours. I don't want to go on without her. I just want to die, and am on the verge of suicide. My mother died 2 months ago, and my fiancé was my source of strength. I don't know how I am going to get through this.

I need to know if this ever gets better. If any one has had to deal with the loss of a fiancé please help. If you have not had a fiancé or spouse pass away, please don't reply. I've had support come from so many friends and family, but it falls on deaf ears. They do not understand my pain, and no words will bring her back to me. I am also not religious.

[Fr_Chuck]

Better is a hard term, you accept the loss, and find ways to move on with your life and in honor of their memory.

Next please don't try and shut out others who want to help or have advice, I have had two wives pass away over the years, and what you need is time to first go though the process of loss and grieving and the other is friends to be there for you when you need them.

[joypulv]

I thought I was dead to emotion after one death when younger, a suicide. Then 21 years later I was just plain old left by the one I loved, and cried and cried and couldn't eat and couldn't sleep and couldn't enjoy company of even close friends, but they forced me to be around them.
(Both were husbands. That doesn't matter.)
You will never forget. You will change. You will incorporate her into your life, just as you are part each parent and all the events and people of your life.
You are here on the internet. That says something.
My heart is bursting for you. I hope you will let those friends in.

[joypulv]

Good heart

[lawanwadee]

My husband passed away last Christmas with lung cancer. I understand how you feel... it's not easy. It took me months to put myself together and start a new life. Keep yourself busy is the best way to get your mind off this lost.

Don't shut out others... go to events, have hobbies, and socialize with people, all will make you feel that you're not alone in this world.

Besides, bear in mind that there are 4 things that we can't take control... birth, aging, illness, and death. If you want someone to talk to... write me.

Merry Christmas..

[joypulv]

All you need are a very few friends who know how to enfold you into their lives without trying to cheer you up or give you smarmy pep talks or walk on eggshells or whisper around you. In other words, let them take you places, drag you to their houses, plop you down next to them while they do whatever it is they do, including joking around with each other while you sit there. You can cry all you want because they have the wherewithal to realize that advice is totally useless right now - you just need warm bodies around you.
It doesn't matter who has had a fiancé die or not, it matters who has a feel for how to handle this. You can TELL them to just prop you up around them wherever they go. You NEED to do this or the agony will be unbearable.

Meanwhile I'd suggest (OK, so I am giving advice, but I'm not there in person) that you also find a bereavement group. There you will find others in fresh grief.

Grieving is an essential stage. I didn't the first time and suffered for the lack.

[susanb1923]

My friend Debra lost her fiancé in a car accident on July 25th. She recently started a blog and she knows a lot about what it's like to go through this. I lost my stepmother last year and nobody seemed to care. I am not religious, either, so the "God will help you" just rang hollow to me. I got tired of people telling me what to do and how to feel. You can write Debra at [traffic driver removed] and get some good advice. Her e-mail is [email removed] My heart aches for you. You can get through this.

Love,
Susan B.

[JudyKayTee]

I was widowed. There is no easy answer here and the people who understand are those who lost a spouse. I found losing a spouse is very different from losing a parent or a friend. I'm sure fiancé is in that former category.

I didn't break down for quite a while and then one day - bam, there I was. You have to do what works for you. There is no normal. I grieved very heavily for 12 months - I did not go out with friends, I did not go to other people's houses, I laughed once and felt guilty and ashamed - and I know that makes no sense. For me after the "first Christmas without him, first birthday without him" pain I began to heal. Everyone has a different time frame.

I know you probably won't believe it because I didn't but the grief does loosen it's grip, you do go on, life is never the same but it's good again. I personally was infuriated by people who thought the best thing for me was to "go out and be happy" and/or who told me that they knew what my late husband wanted for me. Trust me - I'm the only one who knew what he wanted for me.

And grief comes back - I have moved on and I'm happy but this year my late husband's birthday was very, very difficult for me. There was no particular reason and nothing that set me off. I just had a very bad day. People who love you will understand.

I found that people try to help but unless they've lost a spouse (or fiance), they have no idea of the total devastation a death causes.

My kind and gentle to yourself - it's a healing process. The only difference is that your heart is battered, not your body.

I hope you find peace and acceptance.

[askme110]

I would like to reach out to your friend, Debra. The website and her email were removed from your post. How can I get in contact with her?

[Fr_Chuck]

I hate to say this but please don't use the comment feature to add more info, Please "answer" your own question to add more info.

Off Board contact is not allowed, it is a serous violation of our rules, we deleted that info from her post.
You can do follow up info here and ask for Debra to come here and answer parts of the question.

We do that for your protection, sadly not all people are who they say they are, some come and pretend to be things to take advantage of people. We work hard to try and protect people from possible frauds.

[Fr_Chuck]

I hate to say this but please don't use the comment feature to add more info, Please "answer" your own question to add more info.

Off Board contact is not allowed, it is a serous violation of our rules, we deleted that info from her post.
You can do follow up info here and ask for Debra to come here and answer parts of the question.

We do that for your protection, sadly not all people are who they say they are, some come and pretend to be things to take advantage of people. We work hard to try and protect people from possible frauds.

In this case, that poster has never posted before and has not posted since that post. And when they did, they put in a link to drive traffic to a web site. Things like that just raise 100's of red flags.

[NEcaligirl]

I was googling "coping with the loss of a fiance" and came across your post.

I lost the love of my life 2 weeks ago, similar situation, we have known each other since middle school, been best friends and in love since high school, and he was 27, I'm 26.

I see some time has passed since your post, and I was wondering how you're doing now, and what has helped you to cope? I can't see past the next minute at times, when I'm desperate and can feel my heart breaking as the tears just won't stop. I haven't left my bed today and already "well-meaning" people tell me I have to get out there, take a walk be busy... well it just angers me and makes me feel more alienated and convinced they don't understand. He has loved me unconditionally, and told me how much he loved me, promised he would always be here to take care of me, we planned our lives, down to our future children's names. I just feel lost.

I need to feel that there's hope.

I am sorry for your loss too, and sorry I can't offer you any help, but I was hoping you have gained some perspective or begun the healing process?

[JudyKayTee]

I wasn't even remotely healed for 12 months. Everyone has a different schedule when it comes to grieving.

There are still times when my loss brings me to my knees - and I've moved on. Grief is a very odd thing.

I'm sorry for your loss.