[blackheartedone]

- I am 18 . My boyfriend is 21 with 3 kids . 4 , 3 and 14 months . About 8 months ago is when we met . He talked about his ex but made it clearhe had no intention of going back . In the beginging I didn't believe him but he began to bring his kids around me ,and bring me around his family . He would always introduce me as his girlfriend and even argued with those who talked bad telling them that we were in a serious relationship and we would be together for a while so they would have to deal with it . We became inseparable , spendning waking moment together . He lived upstairs from me so that made it easy . He eventually moved in with me and I could fnnally believe that this was love .my mom loved him despite all her previous apprehensions . Everything was great until I started to notice him talking to his ex a more. At first I wasntbothered because they do have 3 children but he wasn't talking to her around me . Then on fathers day he picked her and the kids up and brought them to the house , they had a get together but I still felt horrible about it . I cryed and left the house . After that I still stayed with him , I felt funny but I still stayed .


Time passes and I'm falling deeper and deeper and so is he . Or at least he appears to be . I go away on a trip for 3 days , he stayed in New York with his kids for those days { by the way we live in Connecticut . } and when I came back me and the mother of his kids got into an argument . She told me I was stupid for being with him and they would be back together soon . Immediately after speaking with her I let it be known I was single . He clled me right away sounding worried but I just told him we were through and id see him when I saw him . Wehe returned home the next day she and the kids were with him . I was so hurt he tried to explain but I wouldn't let him . That day they went out to the lake with the rest of his family , sisters brothers , etc . A few days later he was back in my house but it didn't go back to normal , he told me he loved me we cried together he told me he felt like ****for not being there for his family . And allowing them to struggle the way that they were.. that him and the mother of his children decided that hesould moveback inwith her and try and find work in New York so they coldsuppot their family . I could not wrong him . I understood . So we called it quits . Our feelings for eachtoher were still strong we still spent everyday together . I would try to be alone and he would find me . Or he would try to be alone and I would find him . He would still tell me how much he loved me and vice versa . It was killing me inside . When he finnaly moved I tried to start fresh but I couldn't . He still called me every night . Our conversations were short and we often talked about how we would try to get over each other and move on but 2 weeks later he came back to me . It was rocky in the beginning the second time around learning to trust him again and him learning to give his whole self to me but we were doing it . Our relationship started to feel brand new again the affection and adoration was back and I was happy for a few months then thnksgiving came and everythindg went south . He went to see his kids on thanksgiving and came back acting sad and depressed . He later confessed to me that seeing his kids home alone with nly here mom made him feel guilty . While were in Connecticut with the whole family laughing praying and giving thanks , they are in New York alone and it hurt him . He went back to New York this past Saturday and stayed there the whole weekend without consulting me when he came back we could both feel something was wrong . Long story short he thinks he should be single until he figures out what he wants to do . He says he knows h need to be there for hisfamily more but he doesn't want to lose me . I've come to the conclusion that I have to be the strong one and just let go because we wll just continue to go in circles but something in me won't settle , maybe its because I see how hesitant he is to leave. The last 3 nights I have kicked him out and he's found his way back to my bed . He holds me tight and cuddles in to my neck and says he won't let go . He sayshe loves me too much and if he end it for good hell feel likehe missed out on us . I keep telling him to just say the words " ITS OVER " so we can have closure but he refuses to say it . We woke up together , I mad him breakfast he kissed me then went off to work but not before coming back for one last kiss , which is what brought me here . I'm so confused . I'm the one that has to say " we can't sleep together anymore , we can't be friends , we just can't be around eachother at all " but he just won't let me be . He saying he isn't ready and neither am I but we have to do it right ? How do we know if its real . Are we really in love or is it convenient. there are so many other things involved this insnt even the half I need help ? What should I do ? And what should he do ?

[I wish]

He's got so much baggage and his situation it's not going to change. He can't turn back the clock. You're only 18, why are you putting yourself in such a difficult situation?

There are plenty of fish in the sea, there's no reason for you to tie yourself down into such a complicated situation.

[blackheartedone]

- I want to just stop . I've just grown so attached . Our lives are so intertwined now . I'm scared I won't find another love like ours . It felt so pure and unforced with us . He does have too much baggage and th fact that I know it isn't going to change is what has me tryingto OFFICIALLY CALL IT QUITS . What do I do about us living so close . He literally lives up two flights { 10 stairs } from me . [ we live in a three family home .]

[talaniman]

As long as you make excuse why you can't do something, the longer it will take for you to do it. There will be no changes unless you make them, and he will not. Why should he, he has the best of both worlds, and can go back and forth as he chooses, because you both allow him to.

Make up your own mind, and do what's right for you, or stay as his home away from home. Or be like his baby mama, 3 kids and a back and forth dad! Yeah it's the hardest thing you have probably ever done, but is that an excuse not to try a bit harder?