[SeirraA]

Miserable 14 year old girl.
I've been depressed from about 3 years ago. I don't have major problems or anything, but I don't like hurting myself, I ignore the bad stuff in my head I distract myself and keep myself busy-this just made things go from bad to worse because I'm always sad and cannot find any reason what actually hurts me. People see me as outgoing and funny and all that, whereas I am a complete wreck.
This depression is affecting my health, I think I'll stay like this forever- severe low blood pressure. I've never been in a relationship and I don't EVER want to be- its just too creepy. My two best friends are in a different country, I see them for a month and a half each year.
My family is horrible, constant yelling, fighting and abuse. My father is a smoker, very angry all the time, arrogant and his whole life is based on studying and work. I have three sisters and I'm the eldest I'm usually the responsible.
I just feel like I'm living in someone else's body! I don't know who I am? I can't take decisions, I can't imagine myself in any future career ( my parents want me to become a do or an engineer.. ugh) I'm tired from all this sh*t and I can't start living.
Im sorry, this is way too long. I don't have any specific question, I need advice, please.
S.

[sunshinechild69]

I feel like I've been through this same thing. In high school I felt like this all of the time. I didn't hurt myself or anything but life just seemed so frustrating and pointless. I had so many activities and responsibilities but none of it made me happy. Everybody told me it would pass, I'm just being stupid, I'm just bored,I needed to go talk to someone... ect. It wasn't like that though. I tried all of this but none of it worked. Finally my mom just told me to go do something and quit moping around. For some reason, I went for a run, and I just ran and ran until I was exhausted, and then I just kept running. For the first time, I felt that "runner's high" For some reason the run was so exhilarating. I never really like running before this, but now it is my escape. I can literally run away from my problems. Running might not be the solution for you, but you need to find something to do, but don't just find something that keeps you busy. Find something you get completely absorbed in and whenever your feeling miserable or overwhelmed, go do whatever is it that takes you away. Just make sure it's something positive. (not drug, alcohol,ect) :) Physical things seem to work the best. Good Luck. I'm 18 now and things are going a lot better overall.

[Tinkerbell2004]

It seems like you need to do something positive for yourself. You say you have never been in a relationship and that you don't want to be, well just because society tells you it's normal to be completely obsessed with boys doesn't mean you have to be. That doesn't make you weird at all, it just means that's an unconscious choice you have decided to make. In your situation it seems to be a good thing. You need to take some time to yourself. Have you gone to see a doctor? There could possibly be something wrong. I know the feeling you are going through though. I have been in a similar situation and I slowly started making some changes in my life like cutting guys out of it, hanging out with new people, and just standing back and taking another look at my life. I'm in a much better place now and much happier with my life.

[SeirraA]

You're right about the relationship thing.. I don't want to be attached to anyone. I need to love myself first.
No, I haven't been to a psychiatrist.
I hope that in one of those days, I'll be happy and actually smile to myself. Thanks.

[SeirraA]

I get your point. I actually feel life in meaningless and pointless. I'll take your advice about the physical thing.. because.. I did enjoy myself when I tried aerobics :)
I hope it passes, maybe things will get better when I'm 18.
Thanks x

[sunshinechild69]

No problem :) And things will get way better before you are 18. It will just take a little time