HELP: I'm completely lost & I need guidance
Miserable 14 year old girl.
I've been depressed from about 3 years ago. I don't have major problems or anything, but I don't like hurting myself, I ignore the bad stuff in my head I distract myself and keep myself busy-this just made things go from bad to worse because I'm always sad and cannot find any reason what actually hurts me. People see me as outgoing and funny and all that, whereas I am a complete wreck.
This depression is affecting my health, I think I'll stay like this forever- severe low blood pressure. I've never been in a relationship and I don't EVER want to be- its just too creepy. My two best friends are in a different country, I see them for a month and a half each year.
My family is horrible, constant yelling, fighting and abuse. My father is a smoker, very angry all the time, arrogant and his whole life is based on studying and work. I have three sisters and I'm the eldest I'm usually the responsible.
I just feel like I'm living in someone else's body! I don't know who I am? I can't take decisions, I can't imagine myself in any future career ( my parents want me to become a do or an engineer.. ugh) I'm tired from all this sh*t and I can't start living.
Im sorry, this is way too long. I don't have any specific question, I need advice, please.
S.
Comment on Tinkerbell2004's post
You're right about the relationship thing.. I don't want to be attached to anyone. I need to love myself first.
No, I haven't been to a psychiatrist.
I hope that in one of those days, I'll be happy and actually smile to myself. Thanks.
Comment on sunshinechild69's post
I get your point. I actually feel life in meaningless and pointless. I'll take your advice about the physical thing.. because.. I did enjoy myself when I tried aerobics :)
I hope it passes, maybe things will get better when I'm 18.
Thanks x