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kammismom · Nov 13, 2010, 08:31 AM

I have a 3 year old child and been with her father for about 5 years things have been up and down between us for years and today I decided to leave him but every time we do actually try to leave he tells me I won't get our child because I'm unfit... I odnt see myself as unfit I have a job wake up and take of her I don't go out with friends nor do I have any friends I spend all my time with our child... I would just like to know what exactly makes a mother unfit?

tickle · Nov 13, 2010, 08:41 AM

Unfit mothers abuse their children physically and verbally, witthold the necessities of life. Maybe he is just trying to scare you into staying.

Jake2008 · Nov 13, 2010, 11:15 AM

Don't be fooled into thinking that you are an unfit mother. This is being used as a threat to control your behaviour, and which ironically, you leaving, is most likely in the best interest of the child in the first place.

He must have an IQ less than 10 if he truly believes you to be unfit.

If you Google, 'definition of unfit parent', there are all kinds of definitions. Things do vary from state to state, but this should give you some idea of just how idle and meaningless his threats are.

Unfit Parent Law & Legal Definition

shelleyba · Nov 18, 2010, 03:21 AM

tickle is correct only unfit parents are defined as abusive. Even if you where without a job that would not matter. What matters is how you care for you child. Making sure she has all the love and basic necessities of life. I have a high number of divorce in my family and have heard just about anything you can think of. People will try anything to keep control over a situation. Are you not so sure that your husband isn't abusive to you? It sounds like he likes to control situations more so that normal. Also I do not know where you live but in most states in the US the courts still favor the mother so to prove that a mother needs to have a child taken away from them is very hard to do. I know we have had unfit mothers in our family and the fathers have an exceptional time trying to get parenteral rights taken away.

ScottGem · Nov 18, 2010, 04:45 AM

First, since this is a legal question I've moved it from the Children forum. Please be more careful about what forum you post in in the future.

You've gotten good answers about the possibility that you are unfit. But, if you have been living with the father, then any charges of unfitness would reflect on him as well.

But you need to protect yourself. Has he been established as the legal father? Did he sign the birth certificate or an acknowledgment of paternity? If you decide to leave, you should IMMEDIATELY file with Family Court for primary physical custody and child support.