[danny001]

Hi, I'm 21 and I was in a relationship with a girl I love for over 3 years. I totally adore this girl she's my first real relationship any the only girl I've ever slept with and I've always stayed 100% faithfull to her. We had a really amazing relationship all her friends would always tell us they wish there relationship could be like ours and that they wish they could find a boy like me because I really did treat her like a queen but I do realise there were a few things that I did wrong.
For a few months before we broke up our relationship went quite boring and we were arguing more than usual. Then just over four months ago she went on holiday with her friends and when she came back it was like she didn't want to know me and told me she needs a break. She was quite a ***** to me for a couple of months and I did everything wrong that ihave read on this forum, ringing her all the time, not leaving her alone etc. for over four months now she's said she's not ready to be in a relationship yet and that she thinks I'm way to good for her and she still wants to be friends. When I ask her if she thinks we will get back she says she can't tell the future but there's no one else she would want. When I say I can't see us ever getting back she just say well how do you know that you can't tell the future. She says all this is like a dream to her that she doesn't really realise what she's doing. Now all of a sudden she wants to do a lot of things with me she misses al the things we used to do and has been round my house, I've made meals, watchd films and last night she slept over. She always wants to hug me even when I say no she just puts her arms aound me and squises me! She says there's loads of reasons she wants to get back together and she often thinks of it but she feels good being single at the moment she is really playing with my head but I don't think she's doing it on purpose and I really can't handle it anyomore but can't walk away I'm just so happy when I'm round her and feel so missereble when not with her. What is she doing? Does she want me or no and should I stay around hoping to get back how much longer should I wait? Sorry for such a long post and thank you for any comments. Dan.

[joypulv]

We can't possibly know why she is acting the way she does. Mixed messages are very common and range from plain old confusion to outright deliberate torture just for the fun and power. It does seem as though she is well meaning and confused. She is young and youth is not a good time for commitment and demands on time and possessiveness. She likes and cares about you and misses the good parts. BUT you need to either let her go if you can't stand the uncertainty, or live with it. Take a week off (really, no contact at all) while you think about it, and tell her exactly why you are doing so. That lets her know that her actions are causing you to have to make a choice and maybe she will do some deep thinking too.

[danny001]

OK she is coming down mine tonight to watch a film and has asked if her friend can also come down, I don't mind this but would rather it be just us 2 but have said OK to it. We are going for a meal tomorrow but I have told her that there is to be no contact all week so I can think things through. It just seems she wants all the good things but doesn't want to give me anything back but tells me things to keep me from moving on like shell never find another boy like me and she says it doesn't feel as if its over for good but at the same time she won't kiss me as she "doesnt want to mix things up even more" I think no contact will do us both good as she needs to realise that I'm not going to wait around forever and she need to feel as if she's losing me. Thanks for the advice I just hope I can stick to it, will be hard! Dan.

[Devorameira]

I agree with you - no contact may be exactly what you need. It's no fun being involved in a half-hearted relationship. She seems to want to just hang onto you by a little thread just in case she doesn't find someone else. Don't allow her to keep you torn up like this.

You'd be smart to tell her that you can't just "be friends" as it's too painful... so you need to move on and go no contact. She may not like the idea, but then again you aren't having such a joyous time with the relationship as it's going now, are you?

[danny001]

OK so I haven't spoken to her today but she text me saying what she's doing tonight and that she hopes I have a good week with a load of kisses on the but I haven't text her back! Should I?