[pandead]

Hehe, it's harder than you thought, isn't it?
Well don't worry. For my part, the first 2 weeks were the hardest. I agree with whoever said melatonine above, did you know your body produces melatonine after exercise? (Any kind of sports really... ) It's what they call the "hormone of happiness"; not only you get in shape, but you feel great and can sleep like a baby at night. Try to go to the gym, or just go out and walk, run, etc. when you feel like it.

As for the promises, I HOPE you will break them and love someone else, not hang on to her... "forever."
Do something for yourself today :)

[Homegirl 50]

I am a religious person. I have prayed for her to come back but to no avail obviously. My mom told me "God answers all your prayers, but sometimes the answer is no." I guess it's selfish of me to ask him to help me in my petty struggles when he has more important things to take care of.

Anyway although I really haven't been tempted to contact her to be honest. Is it normal to not want to early on?

That could be God's answer. She does not need to come back and your not having a desire to contact her (His taking away that desire) is a good thing.
You will have reminders off and on, but you will be OK. This too shall pass.

[SychinLegacy]

Well 3 days down. I miss her so much but I haven't been tempted to contact her yet. I tried to keep myself busy but my thoughts would always go back to her after a few minutes. There was one bad moment. Something made me really upset in the late afternoon but I don't really remember what it was. I had a huge rant I was going to type out but then I decided to just try and calm down and I ended up forgetting all about it. I don't even remember what I was going to say so I guess that's a good thing.

It's only going to get easier right? Maybe I'm crazy but I feel bad about doing this because I know it's not what she wanted. I know I'm supposed to be looking out for myself right now and trying to make myself better instead of her, but I just feel bad because I know it really upset her since she wanted me to be her friend. I don't think she understands though just how horrible and hard it is since she never experienced anything like this.

I think love is very illogical. I don't get how everything can be going great and no one can do anything wrong, and yet somehow people grow apart. Or it just doesn't work anymore for someone. And how if you lose something your instincts tell you to do everything you can to get it back, yet that only pushes an ex further away. I'm starting to think on a philosophical level that love is something that no human can ever really understand. Yeah you can know if you are in it or not, but can you really know why that is? Or why you don't anymore? Anyone else feel this way?

[Wondergirl]

I just feel bad because I know it really upset her since she wanted me to be her friend.

I have news for you. It's not upsetting her. Not one bit.

That's what women tell exes to alleviate their own guilt. Plus, it helps themselves esteem to see exes hanging about and panting with "friendship."

And your philosophical questions will fade into the ether when you finally meet someone who gives into the relationship as much as you do.

[pandead]

As for "it only gets easier"... It does, of course, but don't expect to feel "better everyday." It has ups and downs -and downs are pretty nasty. Don't fool yourself, learn to let go... It's not going to happen tomorrow, but you can work on it today. I'm not saying this in a yoga-teacher-relaxation cd kind of way. I'm saying this as someone who destroyed everything in her life because of "love" but I know now, once everything is destroyed, there is only more to build, and better this time.

Some of the stories here are extremely heartbreaking. Yes, it IS illogical and we all have different reasons to hang on to things we can't have.

Once you find why you want her back - I'm not talking about love and rainbows - what triggers your feelings (mine was fear of being alone) and just let it go, from that point yes, absolutely everything is much easier.
The world is full of people beating dead horses. Once you take a break and do something for yourself, it's like a rebirth.
Don't slow yourself down thinking why and how SHE said/did what she did or how she feels because you're not friends (and I have to agree here with Wondergirl) trust me, she was just being polite and/or wanted to keep you around, you know, just in case.

Stick to NC, you're doing good :)

[awayandalone]

I think love is very illogical. I don't get how everything can be going great and no one can do anything wrong, and yet somehow people grow apart. Or it just doesn't work anymore for someone. And how if you lose something your instincts tell you to do everything you can to get it back, yet that only pushes an ex further away. I'm starting to think on a philosophical level that love is something that no human can ever really understand. Yeah you can know if you are in it or not, but can you really know why that is? Or why you don't anymore? Anyone else feel this way?

I had these same thoughts, actually the last vent I went through on my own post was for the most part about this very thought. Basically saying that as kids we are taught to go for our goals and go for our dreams, no one ever tells you you can't be a firefighter or doctor because by doing so that will push it away, instead they say pursue that dream and go where your heart tells you to and do what you love. Well now you've come to love itself and everything you learned doesn't make sense your told to let go, find a new love, and if you pursue your ex your right you'll push them away further, because for whatever reason everything they used to love about you they no longer do. It makes no sense.
In my case my last girlfriend was my 3rd serious relationship and I thought I had learned plenty from my first two to make this one work right and for the most part I had, shed my insecurities, spent time apart, actually listened to what she had to say, and then I'm away for a few months and now I mean nothing. It makes no sense.
But now 2 months after my break up I'm learning its better not to wonder to focus on me, and for the most part I'm happier because of it. To get through the rough days when I still had her on a pedestal and felt everything was perfect. It helped a lot to make a list of negatives about her, no positves, negatives. The first time you try you may feel sad, I did because I couldn't think of anything. But then I started to see she was as perfect as I made her out to be. In a way its made me realize more of what I don't want in a future relationship with someone. I still love my ex, miss her, and care about her but by seeing she's not perfect has helped me move on a little bit more.
Your doing great man with NC keep it up.

[gara]

Hey Man I feel you , my heart broke twice in my life , the last time I felt I got hole in my heart it was two month ago , so man here is my tips to move on and get her out from your brain , first I always talk about her to my closest friends , and they always support me and cheer me up , but the proplems is the memories , will you can take care of them but only in one condetion , it's to not listen to no love songs or nothing , and I will suggest for you if you are from Detroiet, I would say listen to last album of Emienm , Trust me he will wash every little memory about her , man listen you are better then her , listen when I break up with my x girl friend , do you know what she said to me? same thing let's be friends, man all women feel bad when they break up with guys , so they don't want to loose them in both ways , as friend or as lover , so let me tell you one thing , don't take her as friend , let me tell you something , if you accsept her as friend , is she going to show you love or the things she going to do for you before , no, she won't do nothing , she will come to you only when you need help , and man you are not Dr.phil for her , so you can cure her proplems every single time, don't take her as friend , you have to loose her one time , and trust me , tell yourself you are the best , and you will find some one els, who really cares about you , listen the only thing that left about her that inside your brain , is the memories you have to find them , you can heal yourself , you can burn all the memories by yourself , we are in 21 century , tell that girl it's over and tell yourself too , tell yoruself she is dead to you , I mean man she said to you , I don't feel like our thing going to work no more, that is female talk , and it won't going to change at all , now it's your part to a earse her memoreis , and you can do that , hang around with your friends , always keep in your pocket I pod or any device let you listen to , rap or diss songs music , so it can fire up your broken wings , slim shady emeinme will cheer you up a lot , specaily the last album recovery , that album made me cure very fast , man you are not the only one who had bad broken heart , we all share with you the pain , and if we did it , then you can do it , me I feel better now I can eat my food do my work and study in the same time , but I have to admit something , she is still inside my memories , but I won't give a time to explore it , I just said it's story of my life it happened and let it go gara , let it go

[SychinLegacy]

Well I've made it a week. It's been hard as hell but I did it. My next goal is to make it to my birthday which is two weeks from now on the 18th.

This morning was bad. I had dreams again about her, but this time they were so vivid. They seemed perfectly lifelike rather than a dream. I woke up in tears again and tried to right my mind but I just couldn't. I tried to shower before class but it was just bad. I spent more time crying and ravaging my mind then I should have.

The mornings are always the hardest for me. Usually once I get going though I'm OK. Nights are also bad too. I still feel so lonely and I just want someone to reach out and talk to me.

At least I have something to look forward to. I'm going up to CMU for the weekend since it's their big rivalry weekend. I'm excited to go have fun, see my friends, and get an escape for the weekend. I'm worried about my birthday though. Last year I was really upset because she didn't come spend time with me. She had a few classes later than I did so she wasn't done until about 3 hours after me, but I stayed and waited outside the room for her like I always did. Then I wanted her to come back to my house and we'd go see a movie or something but she said her mom didn't want her to since it would have been really late by the time she got back and she had an early day the next day. I told her it was OK but I was really hurt on the inside since that's the one day I didn't want to be alone on. So I kept thinking this year I'm not going to be alone, which obviously now I am going to be. I also wonder if she'll call to at least wish me a happy birthday. I do want to talk to her but I don't want to reset any progress I've made so far. If I talk to her I might fill myself with false hope too.

[SychinLegacy]

Hey guys,

I made it to my next goal of three weeks. The temptations really spiked up, especially for the last 5 days or so. I still can't get her fully out of my head and I still miss her so much. Tomorrows my 20th birthday and I've really be wondering if she'll even call me. I want her to and I want to talk to her, probably because I'm filling my head up with false hope again that something will have happened and she'll magically want me back. I've been thinking that if she doesn't call maybe I should call her but after talking with a few friends yesterday I decided I should wait a few weeks more before I even attempt to talk to her since I'm no where close to being healed.

Unfortunately, I don't have any exciting plans for my birthday. I have class all day until late into the evening, and class the next day early so I can't really go out. My only friend still here lives a half hour away anyway so there's just no time to. My grandma is coming over though since I promised I teach her how to use a computer since she's wanted to for a while now. I just don't want to be lonely tomorrow though, but I feel like that's inevitable since I've felt so lonely for months now. Anyone have any words of encouragement for me? I could REALLY use them right about now.

[Homegirl 50]

Treat yourself to something or take your grandma out for dinner and you may find you enjoy her.
Spending your birthday alone does not have to be a bad thing.
It will get better, don't call her

[pandead]

A few years ago, I wished happy birthday to one of my close friends and asked her if she was doing anything special. She answered "I'm taking a long bath with a glass of wine."

That sounded ridiculous to me (I was all about going out and partying) but mind you, three years later I found myself alone for Christmas. It was a big deal for me so I decided to "do something special."

I went to the supermarket, bought things I wouldn't usually buy for a special Christmas dinner. I cooked and ate a little early. I was going to watch a sad chick flick but instead, I ordered pizza and watched Back to the Future II... Then took a long bath with music on.

We've been telling you since the beginning, break-ups are all about discovering yourself. You should do something relaxing, something that makes you happy. Spoil yourself for your 20th birthday - with your schedule, you will only get a few hours to celebrate it.

I have to admit I'm impressed. The first weeks are really hard and you've been sticking to NC for weeks now. That's the way to go. Happy birthday, hope this year brings you lots of happiness!

[Homegirl 50]

I spent the first birthday after my divorce alone.
I ordered my favorite pizza, and good bottle of wine and rented some movies I wanted to see but never took the time.
It was a relaxing and fun evening.
I have since decided to do this every four months. Have a "me" night.

[awayandalone]

I too shall be spending my birthday on sat alone for the first time. Everyone's suggestions here seem really helpful and are making me think spending my birthday alone won't really be all that bad. Stick to NC, it is really the best option for you. Have a great day man!

[SychinLegacy]

So my birthday came and went. It was OK for the most part, but I really need to vent right now. Just as a warning I'm pretty angry right now but I'll try to stay as cool as I can.

So everything went as normal for most of the day. In fact a few of my ex's relatives even wished me a happy birthday so I was kind of happy about that. Now 11:30ish pm rolls around. My ex's best friend actually wished me a happy birthday so I thanked her. I then asked her "so I guess Jessie isn't going to call me today". Her response is what has me fired up. "No why would she. You blocked her out of your life. If you want her in your life you're going to need to go out of your way to show it". God I'm so angry even typing those lines. Anyway I tried my best to keep my cool and told her that that's complete bull**** because I did show her I wanted her in my life. I showed her for the 19 months we were together. I showed her for a month and a half after that. She needs to show ME that SHE wants ME in HER life. She NEVER showed me she wants me in her life. She ******* tossed me aside like garbage and then won't even CALL ME to wish me a god **** happy birthday.

Apparently I meant NOTHING to her all this time. Or at least not enough to even wish a happy birthday for. And now I can't even believe it. She wants me to show her that I want her? What does she want me to do? Run back to her feet and beg for her to take me back some more? I did that for a month and a half. I'm not going to chase her and beg her anymore. She needs to show ME that I meant something to her. I'm so hurt and disgusted. I feel like she lied to me every damn time she said she loved me.

For the first time in months though I haven't felt sad. I feel angry though. I feel oh so angry. Sorry I just needed to vent this. I don't know if talking to her friend counts as breaking no contact but I'm going to guess it does. I don't know if I should have though looking back on it. I mean I feel different now. Not in a good way I just feel angry now. She doesn't want me in her life fine. I don't want her in mine then.

[Wondergirl]

Happy birthday! (Mine was on the 10th, so we're both Scorpios.)

Katherine Kubler-Ross said we go through five stages in various ways and at various times after we lose someone we love -- denial, depression, anger, bargaining, and, finally, acceptance. You've moved from denial and depression and probably bargaining to anger. That's good. You're not stuck in one stage any longer. Continue NC. You're doing well, and I'm proud of you.

[Homegirl 50]

Happy Belated Birthday!

Asking about her was the wrong thing to do. You really kind of got what you asked for and it shows you are not over her. Did you really expect to hear she was stuck mooning over the loss of you?
Maybe now you are mad enough to leave this alone and move on.
NC is giving yourself time and space to heal. You have to stick with it.