How exactly do you move on
Hello everyone.
I'm new here. I'm obviously going through a bad breakup, that's what lead me to this great website of yours. It's amazing how parallel all the stickies are to my situation. When I was reading them I felt like you guys wrote a book about my story personally.
Some details about the breakup: She was my first love. She was mine. We were both 18 when we started dating. We met at a party at my friends house on valentines day (Not a V-day party, just a get drunk college party). She ended up getting really sick and I just happened to be there to make her feel better. We ended up sleeping together on the couch. Not sex, just sleeping. I at least wasn't looking for a relationship at the time. Can't say for her, but she called me the next day and shortly after that I asked her out. We took it slow I guess. It was a month before I kissed her. Another month until I realized I loved her. I told her, she told me she loved me back. Everything was great. Things progressed. We had mostly ups but a few downs. There were a few fights. Nothing too serious though. We'd always make up later on in the day, or the next day if it happened right before bed. The first six months went by. Everything couldn't have been better. We had a great six month anniversary. I took her bowling (she loves being competitive) and then star gazing. I bought her a silver necklace. She gave me a book she made. One for each day we were together with a little thing she loved about me.
Soon a year went by. It was valentines day again and I wanted the day to be so special for her. I talked my parents into leaving for the night. I made her dinner and we watched movies all night. I bought her a jeweled bracelet and she gave me another book with all the memories we shared. The next few months were absolute bliss. We talked every minute of every day through one medium or another. I really believed that she was the one for me and that I was going to marry her in a few years.
Then the summer came. This is when I think everything started to unravel. I chose to take a summer class as well as starting a new job at the hospital downtown. Unfortunately, this meant we had much less time together. She lives about 45 minutes from me, so if we didn't see each other too much outside of school since we go to the same university. I would try to see her as often as I could, but obviously I had much less time to do so now. Anyway the summer came and went. I knew she was a little upset that she couldn't see me as much but I thought everything was still going great. Better then ever in fact.
Well the summer class ended. I had two weeks now before fall semester started. One of which my family wanted to do a family vacation for. I really didn't want to go, but I can't say no to my family. She wasn't too happy but I talked to her via phone or computer when ever we were sight seeing or doing something as a family. The next week my work needed me and I REALLY needed the money so I picked up a few extra days. That meant I really only had one day off my whole summer and I knew she wanted to go to the Toledo Zoo (we live in Detroit if I didn't mention so it's about a 2 hour drive). I REALLY didn't want to drive two hours to a zoo on my only day off, but I did it for her because I wanted her to be happy. I was also started to get concerned about a member on her recreation softball team. They started to talk a lot until the point where he told her he liked her. She told me about it and said she told him that that's not acceptable. But I always wonder now if that is what planted the seed of doubt in her.
Fall semester started and everything seemed to be OK. We were both stressed because of school. In a week I was going to go up to Central Michigan University to visit my friends for the weekend. She was going to come with me and I was so happy for that. I asked her to come about 3 times before in the past, and every time she said she would only to let me down because she couldn't find someone to go with since her mom didn't want her to stay with me. Which is understandable. Anyway, the Sunday before we were driving in her car when she told me we needed to talk. Instantly I felt the dread fill into my body. I asked her what was up and she said she didn't feel the same about me anymore. I was crushed. When we got back to her house we sat there in silence for a few minutes and then I said I was going to go. I cried the whole way home. When I got back to my house she called me in tears saying she made a mistake and wanted me back. I took her back and I thought OK everything is going to be OK.
Well the next day I decided to pick her up early and drive her so we could spend some time together. I was going to go back to her house too and hang out with her and her family for the night. She acted just so distant from me. It was like she didn't even want to talk to me. The next day she changed her profile picture on Facebook to one without me. This really upset me because now I knew she was starting to get away from me again. I asked her why she did that and she told me that she didn't feel the same anymore and that we needed to break up. Thursday night was horrible. I called her and I cried to her on the phone for hours asking her why and what happened and all that other stuff you say when you can't think clearly. I didn't sleep at all that night. Friday morning I called her again in tears. Same stuff happened as the night before. That is when we officially broke up. I went up to central with my friends. She went to with her friends. I met her at a party that night and tried to ask her to come back to my friend's apartment and she declined. Huge mistake on my part. The rest of the weekend I spent wallowing in the corner as my friends drank and had a good time. They tried to cheer me up but I told them it was no use and I didn't want to be a buzzkill. I just couldn't drink. It made the pain that much worse. So I DD'd the rest of the weekend.
Well fast forward to today. It's been over a month now. I never really let go. She wants to still be friends. We talked a few times. I told her I can't ever be just a friend and that I'll always love her and want her to love me. I tried to vanish for two weeks hoping she would miss me and want me back. It didn't work. She was actually mad at me that I would just block her out of my life like that. That was last night. She still wants me to be a friend to her and I told her I would be.
But I gave it a lot of thought since last night and all day today. She wants me to move on so I think it's time I move on. I read all the no contact stuff on here and I think it really is what I need to do. So I'm going to tell her today that we can't be friends. But I guess my real question is, how do you move on. It's easy to say it in your head "OK It's time to move on and forget about her", but how do you actually implement it besides just waiting for time to go by? How do you keep yourself from thinking that you'll get her back if you do this? I want to truly move on and not think about her anymore. What else can I do besides keeping myself busy and keeping her out of my life?
Also I'm sorry for such a long post. It made me feel better to write out the story. I didn't mean for it to be for so long.