[KittyWalker]

Ok so this will take some time. We met over the Internet. He lived in the States I live in Europe but we are both from the same country. We were chatting for months couldn't wait to meet in person. So 9months later when he came back to Europe from college for the summer, we met, and we haven't been living far from each other, 20minutes or so. We had a wonderful time for a month and a half and then he needed to go back to USA. Since I already had a plan for the summer to go to America to visit my friends I agreed to visit him too, he invited me and I sad yes.

Needless to say how great it was for us, the perfect summer with the person I was falling in love with. But then it came September and I had to go home to Europe and he had to stay for college in the states. We talked before I left how will things go, and decided that will do the long distance thing. Long story short-we survived it! For two years we functioned like that, Europe states Europe states... and than he had got the opportunity to live and work in our European home state so there was finally no need for us to have a phone relationship sooo we rented an apartment and moved in together.

BTW he is a professional athlete and I am in health care. I mean all that time in the previous two years we were practically living together for couple of months when we got the chance to be with one another. Anyway it wasn't suppose to be a new thing. It was just the two of us just like from the beginning. We lived like that for 10 months almost, it was a good experience for us but for him obviously too much. When we returned home he lived with his folks and I with mine, he talked to me less and less and texted me not so often. I tried to explain that to myself that he is catching up with friends and family since he has been away for so many years.

But... apparently that was not the case... we were on the beach one day and I suggested we should walk a bit... and then he said this words "i have a problem" I said what problem you can tell me... but the problem was me.. he said "i cooled off i am not into this anymore i am sorry it must be a shock for you its a shock for me too..and stuff like that..and yes it was a shock for me.we were driving together to his place and i haven't said a word..when we came to his house i took my stuff and left.unfortunately i forgot something and i came back to find him locked up in his room crying..what?i left again..i didn't want to see him or hear him nothing i was crushed.

he left me alone for a month and then texted me asking me how i was hope you're doing ok u moved along blah, blah..i was shocked what does he want.i answered him that he should leave me alone like i asked him to and that i was not good i am hurting.he didn't want us to be together again.ok.further on.now i had to recover again from the scratch..until he e mailed me like 10 pages or something telling me that he wants to make clear why we broke up and wants me to be happy and that we couldn't go on..and i was like i understand that for the hundred time i just want you to leave me alone not to leave me all over again and i suggested that if he had Something to say he knows where i lived.couple of days later he waited for me in front of my apartment talk about shock.in short he was confused wanted to hug me and eventually we met once more and after that he called me that he is leaving the next day which i was used to.but when he did leave i realized that he couldn't make an effort because he is not here.so this time he gave me the chance to brake it off again.

two weeks later i am out with my friends and who do i see...my ex who was not suppose to be there at all.i didn't say hi which pissed him off and threw me into another shock.go figure.he claimed his stuff back and i called him to come pick them up.he just wanted to escape not look at me at all but i managed to drew something out of him.he didn't want to get together i didn't force and i said he could leave if he wanted.so he left, he left through the door one foot inside had second thoughts i could see that.after a moment he really left...i was ok this time because i didn't expect anything to happen.

But surprise he texts me an hours later saying that he is willing to give us another chance if i am up for it.i didn't answered so he calls me asking did i get the text, this is what i answered to him "you are very confused you don't know what you want you should relax I am not going anywhere and you should enjoy your freedom to spend time with your family and concentrate" and I also said I will call him after a while...

So this is the story... and the question.. does he deserve me back after hurting me so many times and being so confused over us over me? I am scared that I will miss a chance of being happy again but on the other side is he just using me again until he finds something more suitable?I need someone to tell me that if I am being blind here. I obviously still have feelings for him but don't know what to do with them.

[beachloverjohn]

This guy sounds like he's on a guilt trip. I just don't think he will stay with you. Your future is not with him. At this point, I suggest you have no contact with him, and try to get over it. No matter what you do, if you continue seeing or talking to him, you will just iopen yourself up to future hurt, which I think is inevitable.

[KittyWalker]

Thank You

[pandead]

Wow, I have to say I'm impressed with your patience. I think you already know the answer. You've been doing good, not forcing him or begging, or making any of the other mistakes most of us do. You know what's wrong in this situation and I think you also know how you can fix it.

You tried to stay away from him but he just keeps coming back into your life. You were doing good until you had to interact with him, you see him and it messes up everything. The only way for you to get your life back is to go No Contact. You sound confident and it's great, but if you need confirmation here it is : he stopped caring about you, he let you go, then he called you back, made you wait and on top of it, lied to you.
You've been patient all this time and from what I understand, you just asked him to leave you alone - which he didn't.

For all these reasons, he doesn't deserve you.
And the most important reason -at least for me- is, you are doing just fine without him. Ask yourself what you expect from "a new start" with this person. Be honest to yourself. You will have plenty of other chances, with people who won't hurt you like he did. You are not being blind, you see the problems and all the red flags, you just need an action plan. Go NC and cut the sick part out of your life. Good luck!

[KittyWalker]

Thank You for your help

[talaniman]

Because he is mixed up, and confused why do you have to be.

he texts me an hours later saying that he is willing to give us another chance if I am up for it.I didn't answered so he calls me asking did I get the text, this is what I answered to him "you are very confused you don't know what you want you should relax i am not going anywhere and you should enjoy your freedom to spend time with your family and concentrate" and i also said i will call him after a while...

Boy does that reek of passive aggressive BS, and false hope. Your typical mixed signal to cover your own arse, and not just be plain spoken, and truthful. You left the door open, and the ball in his court when all you had to say was "Leave me alone with your immature BS, and stop contacting me period!!!!". Then you could disappear from his life and get your own happiness.

so this is the story... and the question.. does he deserve me back after hurting me so many times and being so confused over us over me?

NO, you both were moving along enjoying your time. You want commitment, and security, he wants a good time.

I am scared that I will miss a chance of being happy again

Its your responsibility to be happy whether he is around or not. Depending on him to MAKE you happy is a fools game at best.

but on the other side is he just using me again until he finds something more suitable?

That goes for you both, since the issue is one of commitment, and communications, which ain't happening, and as long as you both have different needs, and agendas, it will never happen.

I need someone to tell me that if I am being blind here. I obviously still have feelings for him but don't know what to do with them.

You get over them by leaving him alone and cutting him from your life long enough to have dealt with those feelings and be able to see reality. He wants what he had, the semblance of love with little work or commitment involved, and you want a real life together, but can't get it.

But you will only see the facts for yourself once he is out of your life, and he no longer can influence your seeing him through your own feelings, fears, and wants, and needs. I know it's a hard decision to let go, and move on, but it's the right way to heal, and find your own happiness, through the truth, and hard work on yourself, by yourself, for yourself, that ends the confusion, and his BS!!

Good luck!