[meenall]

Hello everyone..
I have been married for 7 years,we always had problems.. coz of lack of trust.. I was from a well educated family.. my uncle was the one who took care of me.. my husband was our family friend.. in the beginning itself.. he insisted me to have sex with him.. I trusted him so much.. so I gave myself to him then he tried to go away.. then I didn't leave him.. my family came to know about this.. as I did a mistake.. I came out from my family.. his parents took care of me,even though they didn't like me.days went.. we got married after 2 years.. becoz he was 1 year younger to me.. he always suspected me that I had lots of boyfriends before marriage.. becoz I hided my email i.d.. that was the day he hated me.. and start to suspect.. this happened bfore he came in my life.. I had friends.. but didn't have confidence to express it to him.. I was 100 % dedicated to him after marriage and showed all my care.. but he always cheated me. He used to beat me lyk hell.. touch all the private parts and gave me so much pain.. but I was scared of my life and was with him.. coz I loved him so much.. I was too possessive about him.. after marriage also.. he tried to go away from me.. but I didn't let that happen.. then so many times I found so many things he is doing wrong.. going to call girls.. having lots of girl frinds etc.. I cried.. he told he will never do it again.. but I didn't feel any difference.. now he is working with a british girl.. eventhough she hve a boy friend.. I find them very close.. he speaks very high about her.. as I will suspect him with her.. he took her home and introduced to me.. but she was a cool kind of girl.. everytime I showed my love for him in so many ways.. I cook him delicious food.. keep the house clean.. I am keeping myself fit and regularly hit the gym.. still don't have a child.. got two times aborted because he told that we are nt settled.. even now if he want to go.. his parents will feel happy.. no support for me from anyside.. I want him in life forever.. I can't imagine a lyf without him.. he always wantted to setlle in a foreign country.. now I think he got a chance through that girl.. he can easily impress others.. I will surely leave him if he finds a better future without him.. but want to be in his life.. will do anything for him as a good wife.. *** who evr read this do help me with your valuable comments..

[Cat1864]

meenall, I have moved your post to its own thread so that you can get the advice you need.

Please do not use Chat Speak. It is against site rules:

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/faq.ph...#faq_faq_rules

[JudyKayTee]

What Country? The standard of what is a "good wife" varies.

I realize you are well educated but are using text speak so I am guessing you are not in the US or UK.

[Cat1864]

Why do you want to stay with (and cling to) someone who doesn't want to be with you, has 'cheated' on you, has abused you, etc. You seem to be holding on to a fantasy of what you wanted your life to be instead of facing the reality.

It sounds like he was forced into a relationship that he didn't want after he got the sex he did want. The 'lack of trust' is a rationalization for acting out because of feeling trapped.

Would it be possible for you to leave him and go back to your family or to be on your own without the influence of his presence?

Whether you divorce him or not, you need to take time to allow yourself to heal emotionally. You need to make your life less about him and more about taking care of yourself. Your self-confidence needs to be a top priority. Get involved in things that help you feel good about yourself.

Once you feel better about yourself maybe you will be able to make better choices for the future. Such as the choice to live your life without him and his problems.

[joypulv]

You are rambling. You need to think more clearly and write more clearly. It almost sounds like he was coerced into marrying you by family, after you had sex together? And doesn't feel about you the way you do about him?
You do sound possessive and jealous. That's not how you show love. Each of us needs other people in our lives, close friends especially, no matter how wonderful a marriage may seem. If you want the marriage, get out more with others, in groups or best girlfriends. Find a hobby or skill or if you wish you had children, a job in child care. If a 'good' year of being busy and happy in all this fails to make him happy with you and you happy with him, get a divorce.

[answerme_tender]

Okay so he had sex with you, he didn't want any other type of relationship, but you wouldn't leave, and somehow your family found out, so he and his family were forced to take you in, and then his family forced him to marry you 2yrs later. Then he started to wonder if you weren't a virgin when he was with you the first time due to all the old boyfriends you use to have. He cheats on you, abuses you physically by sexual misconduct, oh and forces you to have not just one but two abortions. Yet you love so much and are possessive of your marriage.
This is not a marriage young lady, this is he punishment to you for having been forced to a marriage not of his choosing. He will never come to care for you, he will only continue to abuse you.
You need wake up from your pretend dreams and realize that he will leave you in the dust first chance he can. You need to get out try to get a job. You need away to support yourself, see if there is any type of woman's shelter in your area, a safe place for abused woman. Have you told your family what you are going through, what do they say.
Get out while you can, before you get pregnant again, and once again he forces you to get abortion. I don't know how many abortions a woman can go through before she may never get pregnant again. You need to make some choices for your own safety!!

[JudyKayTee]

He utilizes callgirls and other women - how is her hobby or skill or a year working in day care going to help her?

Possessive and jealous? She sounds to me like a woman in another Country, forced into a marriage, whose husband is frequenting callgirls and other women and attempting to make HER feel inadequate and guilty because HE is cheating.

No question she needs to talk to someone BUT depending on where she is this may not be possible.


Edited/T

[Cat1864]

I don't think she was the one forced into the marriage. It sounds more like he got trapped by his own sexual desires. I am not really certain how much of an 'accident' it was that their affair was found out especially after he tried to stop the relationship (if I read her post correctly.)

It does not excuse his bad behavior.

[cherryd]

Fear is not love. Fear of shame, of family connections and reputation, and fear of your husband is not love. Fear is a deep emotion that triggers many neurological responses. It seems you are worried about those fears because you mention them. Perhaps you have not had someone love you properly because he is NOT. Please do not try to convince yourself this is love out of fear. You have had the strength to go through this, you will have the strength to imagine and proceed with a life without him.

[melanie34]

I don't understand how you can love this man who has abused you like he has... All of your emphasis is on you being a good wife. BUT he is NOT being a good husband. I understand you are probably not from a western culture, so standards between men and women are different, but you are in an abusive relationship and need to do what you can to move away from it to get back yourself confidence...

[talaniman]

I cannot see you being happy, unless you become willing to stand on your own without him in your life. He doesn't deserve a good wife. You don't deserve an idiot immature freak, for a husband.

Get him out of your life.