[seville]

Seville..You need to stop thinking a guy is going to validate you. You've been out of a bad relationship for a year now. No one is going to help you get over this guy but you.



Men know vulnerable women, they can spot them a mile away. You are trying to find happiness in the wrong places.

If you have friends who are supportive, spend some time with them. Right now you are settling for the wrong kind of guys to date.

Give yourself time to find you. Go on a vacation or spend time with your family.

You are letting yourself be used and you will end up jumping from the frying pan into the fire.

Think about it.

Hello Kitkat,

How I'm being used? With this guy we're just going to go to the movies.
I didn't see him the weekend and when I do I'm going to make it clear that I just want to be friends!! It was also the fact od having a few drinks that maybe you got this opinion? He's harmless and shy.. I will not get used by anyone! I am slowly but surely finding myself!! :)


Thanks for being concerned!:)
Bye for now!

[Kitkat22]

Hello Kitkat,

How I'm being used? with this guy we're just gonna go to the movies.
I didn't see him the weekend and when I do i'm going to make it clear that I just want to be friends!!!It was also the fact od having a few drinks that maybe you got this opinion? He's harmless and shy..I will not get used by anyone! I am slowly but surely finding myself!!!:)


Thanks for being concerned!:)
Bye for now!

Be good Seville and if he tries anything... slap him... :)

[seville]

Hello,

I need some advice.. I knew this guy through a friend of mine for a few years now. He was friends with her husband and he had a girlfriend at the time who he was with for 10yrs! I liked him a lot but as he was with her at the time I did nothing to show him my feelings. If you've read my older posts you will understand a bit more!
Anyway, it was over with my ex last year around the same time as he broke up with his ex of 10yrs! He asked me to go for a drink with him and we we were both hurting over our ex's! Especially me! I asked him what he was looking for now and he said just having fun! So we hung out all night dancing and getting to know each other. We made out but it was too painful for me and too soon after the break up with my ex. I didn't feel much for him at the time!
Another night I was out with friends and he happened to be there and he wanted to be around me and I was not interested but should have given him a chance! I went home and he texted me saying I would like to spend some time with you! I didn't reply as I was grievng over my ex and didn't think it was fair on him!
Anyway 1year past and I started thinking about him again and decided to text him and see how he was doing? He replied he was fine and good to hear from me and that he was on holiday but would be back soon! I replied OK lets go for a summer drink when you get back he replied that would be my pleasure and would love to!
So I actually went out of town for a while too so we didn't catch up with each other but we texted to say, see you soon!
So I decided to call him the other night instead of texting, texting is kind of childish and its better to talk directly to the person! He answered and I said hi its seville how are you? I hope I'm not disturbing you! I felt, he was surprised he said yeah I'm fine! I asked him how's things.. and he said I'm with 2 colleagues can you call me tomorrow and we can talk? I said sure no problem he said fine talk tomorrow in a nice voice!!
The next day I had dance rehearsal and was with friends so didn't get around to calling him until the night time 8.30pm! Well he didn't answer his phone so I left a message hi just calling like planned and hope you're well, see you soon!bye!
That was 2days ago and he hasn't got back to me! I was thinking maybe he has mixed feelings after the last time when I was stand offish and doesn't know what to think?The way I called out of the blue might have turned him off! Or he was busy but still he could have replied its not like him, he's very polite! A few weeks ago he seemed very interested in seeing me again! I was thinking of texting him for the last time, maybe next week to go for a drink if he hasn't got back to me by then?
I'd like to just see him for a casual drink!!
Any opinions?? Thanks!!

[beachloverjohn]

What happened to the hairdresser? Seville, your life is like a soap opera. I need a score card to keep up with your love life. May be it's time you step back and let some of these men come to you. But if you insist, I will give you an opinion on this one. I don't think you are enough of a challenge, so men just don't see any need for urgency in contacting you. That's it.

[Shadowburn]

He's moved on. He may like an idea to see you again, but he really is not that interested.

[answerme_tender]

You have made a move,now its his turn. If he is interested he will call, if not move on. Good luck!!

[seville]

What happened to the hairdresser? Seville, your life is like a soap opera. I need a score card to keep up with your love life. May be it's time you step back and let some of these men come to you. But if you insist, I will give you an opinion on this one. I don't think you are enough of a challenge, so men just don't see any need for urgency in contacting you. That's it.

Lol!! The hairdresser guy contacted me and we met up, so I must be a challenge! Thanks for your opinion! I decided not to continue to see the hairdresser guy. He was too imature for me and he's only 26!

[seville]

You have made a move,now its his turn. If he is interested he will call, if not move on. Good luck !!!

Yes you're right I'll do nothing now and see if gets back to me, if not well it's a shame that I wasn't healed last year and lost out on a good thing!!
Thank you!:)

[beachloverjohn]

Well Seville, you do have a sense of humor. That just may be your strength. Now if you could just do something about that hair. Just kidding. Truthfully, you sound like your having a lot more fun than I am. Glad to see you're not taking things as seriously as when you first posted here. Keep up the attitude, you will do all right.

[seville]

Well Seville, you do have a sense of humor. That just may be your strength. Now if you could just do something about that hair. Just kidding. Truthfully, you sound like your having a lot more fun than I am. Glad to see you're not taking things as seriously as when you first posted here. Keep up the attitude, you will do alright.

You're right about that I have a sense of humor:p!! And laugh more about everything!! I also like to make things happen now as before I was more laid back and reserved!I keep telling myself we only have one life so do what we want to do no matter what!
I hope you're having fun and enjoying yourself even small things in daily life can be funny!!
BYE FOR NOW! Wish you all the best!!
p.s :my hair is fine considering the hairdresser guy said he'd cut it for me for free when ever I want! lol but I wonder if he will now considering I'm not going to see him no more than just friends!! Lol!:D

[talaniman]

Stop trying so hard to make something happen, as you both seemed busy, and be willing to move on, rather than keep trying the same thing over again. Sometime our timing is lousy, and things don't work the way we want them too.

[seville]

Stop trying so hard to make something happen, as you both seemed busy, and be willing to move on, rather than keep trying the same thing over again. Sometime our timing is lousy, and things don't work the way we want them too.

Thanks! The guy texted me today saying he was "sorry for not calling me sooner and that he has been very busy with work.. (hes the boss of his own company) and that he'll get back to me when its better at work, and see you soon"! So I'm happy about that I knew he would get back to me at some point as he's a very polite guy!!
I didn't dwell once I got on with life and I will never make a big effort to make something happen with a guy! From my experience the less you do the more they want you!!

[seville]

Hello all its seville!
I 've just had a long chat on msn with my ex about everything that's happened and our past relationship and that he still loves me and I love him! He said I wasn't there for him when he went through a bad time of becoming illegal!! I said I was and that I was scared in the beginning but after I was used to it and wanted him to leave his things!
He said now he has a new a job and he goes out all the time even on Saturday morning he gets up early and does stuff as before with me he was in depression and never wanted to go out!! Then he comes out with he's found a newgirlfriend who's caring for him and being there for him. AND HE LOVES HER BUT SHE Doesn't KNOW YET! I was sick to the stomach I said please don't tell me the details!!
I wanted to go off line but we continued to talk of course everythings rosy there in his country where the sun is shining the beach life of leisure of course its different!
Here he was fighting for his rights and not right and I had to live through that and he brought me down with all that even though I stood by him for love and now he's gone and met someone a liban girl! I can't breath with shock! I said once you get bored you ll be off like you always do he said no so all of sudden he's become the perfect gentlemen!! I'm sure so upset!! We told each other we loved each other but he has a new life I said why didn't u take me with you and he's convinced that I didn't want him here so why would he bring me there!! Which is crazy I was there for him!! I feel so bad how he can be he said its just the start of his new story with her!! I've been going through hell for the last yr over this guy who I loved dearly.
I can't believe it then I said I wish you guys happiness he said I was the one he wanted to marry and have children with but I disappointed him when he became illegal!
That was human nature that I freaked out a bit!!
God I'm so mad and hurt and jealous! I didn't talk to him for a such a long time and then when we do I ve met someone!

I feel like deleting him but still can't!
I said its better if we never talk again he said I'm sorry! I feel so bad because I feel guilty for lossing him by the way I reacted back then! And he said that's the reason for me leaving!!
Please opinions... justlooking, tal, homegirl,?
Why I still love him and if he loves me that torture having to think of him with her now!
SEVILLE

[seville]

It seems you keep doing the same thing, expecting a different outcome. If you don't take time to get to know the men you are dating and to let them get to know you, you have no idea if they are interested for the right reasons or if they are even compatible with you. You aren't a teenager any longer. Don't let your impulses lead to mistakes. Take control of yourself and your desires. I'm not saying it's wrong to kiss on a first date, but the way you describe it the man had one intention - to get back to your place. How do you know he was really interested in getting to know you versus looking just for sex? I have the impression you are looking for more than sex at this point, so do yourself a favor and take your time. When things get so physical so soon, often a relationship does not develop.

Keep working on yourself, feeling positive, and being a joy to be around. The dance lessons seem like a lot of fun. The splits story is cute. Good luck on the job, but keep looking at other jobs in case it doesn't work out. Don't just wait to hear on this one.

It sounds like your ex is trying to be friends. The problem with that is you are not over him yet, and you wont get over him if you keep false hope. Did you ever read the stickies in this forum? This one would be a great start:
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...ck-187766.html

It's full of a lot of insight. One line stands out to me as being important for you to consider. Live and instead of trying to figure out how to get him back focus on getting yourself back. Even beyond getting yourself back, you may need to find yourself or the new you to begin with - you can do it. :)

Hello all its seville!:(
I 've just had a long chat on msn with my ex about everything that's happened and our past relationship and that he still loves me and I love him! He said I wasn't there for him when he went through a bad time of becoming illegal!! I said I was and that I was scared in the beginning but after I was used to it and wanted him to leave his things!
He said now he has a new a job and he goes out all the time even on Saturday morning he gets up early and does stuff as before with me he was in depression and never wanted to go out!! Then he comes out with he's found a newgirlfriend who's caring for him and being there for him. AND HE LOVES HER BUT SHE Doesn't KNOW YET! I was sick to the stomach I said please don't tell me the details!!
I wanted to go off line but we continued to talk of course everythings rosy there in his country where the sun is shining the beach life of leisure of course its different!
Here he was fighting for his rights and not right and I had to live through that and he brought me down with all that even though I stood by him for love and now he's gone and met someone a liban girl! I can't breath with shock! I said once you get bored you ll be off like you always do he said no so all of sudden he's become the perfect gentlemen!! I'm sure so upset!! We told each other we loved each other but he has a new life I said why didn't u take me with you and he's convinced that I didn't want him here so why would he bring me there!! Which is crazy I was there for him!! I feel so bad how he can be he said its just the start of his new story with her!! I've been going through hell for the last yr over this guy who I loved dearly.
I can't believe it then I said I wish you guys happiness he said I was the one he wanted to marry and have children with but I disappointed him when he became illegal!
That was human nature that I freaked out a bit!!
God I'm so mad and hurt and jealous! I didn't talk to him for a such a long time and then when we do I ve met someone!

I feel like deleting him but still can't!
I said its better if we never talk again he said I'm sorry! I feel so bad because I feel guilty for lossing him by the way I reacted back then! And he said that's the reason for me leaving!!
Please opinions... justlooking, tal, homegirl,?
Why I still love him and if he loves me that torture having to think of him with her now!
SEVILLE
I feel like wtitting him an email with all the things I want to say!!

[joypulv]

What does it mean to 'become illegal?' You mean he got deported for being illegal? What's a liban? Were you OK with him leaving the country because you were upset that he was illegal, but now are upset that he found someone back home? Are you regretting that you freaked out? Did you tell him you're sorry about it?
Sorry for the quiz when I feel bad that you are suffering. I guess it doesn't help much to say that I have suffered too - who hasn't? Grab some friends and ask them to drag you around with them even if you are a basket case. The more friends holding you up, the less burden on each one while you feel like SH*T. Maybe that woman won't last and you can go see him after a while... be patient, keep in touch, stay cool but tell him you still care.

[beachloverjohn]

Seville, I'm starting to feel like I'm part of a reality series starring the beautiful, sexy, femme fatale, Seville.. Can't wait for next weeks episode. "Seville falls in love,,,,again"

[Homegirl 50]

You should have stayed NC.
Did all of this talk do you any good? Did you really think things would magically go back to the way things were?
You have had this talk and now you feel lousy and want to send another email. It never ends that is why you don't break NC.
Now get back on it. He is with someone else. Maybe he thought telling you he loves you would make you feel better. But if he loved you, he'd be with you.
Time to accept reality and move on.

[talaniman]

No Comment!!

[Just Looking]

Seville,

Just in case you didn't get Tal's point, go No Contact. If you had done that a year ago, you would have been so much better off. I guess the good in this conversation is that maybe now you will realize that he has moved on. I think he is playing with your emotions and stringing you along. He's obviously been seeing this girl for a while. I'll go back to the quote in that post you added on to:

Live and instead of trying to figure out how to get him back focus on getting yourself back.

It's really what you need to do. You can't go on the way you are as you are getting no where. Eventually you have to move forward - why not make it now? Don't contact him in any way. Allow yourself to move forward. I know it's hard, but it won't get any easier. All the problems that existed when you first posted still exist. Do something about that.

Read this thread. At least it's a start in the right direction.
[https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...ck-510410.html

[beachloverjohn]

Seville, if you keep walking in a circle, guess what , you end up where you started. Maybe it's time to get off the "merry go round?"