[Amorous One]

I have been dating this amazing girl for over 9 months. I'm 26 she's just turned 19. We fell madly in love right away and things have been great through the entire relationship, until... during the last few weeks of our relationship she's been spending a lot of time with her gilrfriends instead. I didn't really have a problem with that except for when she'd break plans with me or not call me for a few days. Then all of a sudden, 2 weeks before Christmas she decides to break up saying she needed time and space because of how important school and work are to her right now and her grades have been slipping... I couldn't see how our relationship was effecting her grades or work, cause I have always been supportive of her space, her schooling and her aspirations. We only really saw each other for a few hours, a couple times a week. But as much as it hurt to let her go, I tried to show my understanding and gave her her space for the last few weeks.

Now I find out that she's been hanging out with her two best friends smoking weed and partying everyday since we broke up... I thought she said she didn't have time for us because she was worried about her grades and work?? How does smoking weed everyday and drinking at clubs help her with her grades? Well, as it turns out these 2 friends of hers have just broken up with their "a-hole" boyfriends a little while before my girl decided to call it quits on us. Isn't that a coincidence? Since her friends have been single they have been going on about how much fun they are having in the clubs, making out with or picking up random guys. "eeeew"!! I know Robyn isn't really like that, but somehow these girls helped lure Robyn away from me and back into the single's scene (* Ugggh, it makes me sick thinking of all the slimey guys that will be playing her just to get a piece, while the best guy in the world who loves her so much is left at home trying to make sense of all this)

Now I've recently found out that her friends have been bad mouthing me (guys and relationships in general) all this time. But, there is no real reason they should bad mouth me at all!! I have always been a terrific, loving, understanding, fun, supportive and a respectful boyfriend to Robyn. Robyn says it's because they are worried about our age difference and that they are "looking out for her". Looking out for her?? Can you believe this? The only real reason I can think of them doing all this is because they are just hating on men in general (because their ex's where asses) and they were just plain jelious that Robyn and I have spent so much time together. For now, they seemed to have won, and are all happy to have Robyn back in their little click. Robyn and I still see each other or talk on the phone once in a while, but now she's telling me all of her friends are saying that it would be best for her to not stay in contact with me at all cause I'm just trying to get back together with her. What the hell?

I know Robyn still has feelings for me, and there still might be a chance for us if I play my cards right. I also know she is still young and just wants to have fun with her friends. But damn, how can I get to her friends to see me in a better light AND somehow convince her to be able to make some sort of compromise on her own? Plus, how can I make her realize that her friends aren't really "looking out for her best interests" if they were they wouldn't have broken us up and had her smoking weed, skipping work and school all the time. I can't tell her what to do or what to think. So what can I do?

[Amorous One]

I just wanted to add that robyn and I will be going to a huge rave to celebrate new-years. Her friends will be there also. I don't really know what to expect out of this "date" on new years, (except maybe hoping for a new-years hug and kiss from Robyn). But I don't want to mess things up any more than they are now. I know it would be best to just play cool and maybe flirt a little bit but I don't want Robyn to feel pressured into anything at all either.

How should I act around her friends? I don't want to hate on them, but at the same time I DO have a bone to pick with them. Should I bring this up and try to have a talk with them, or would it be best to just be myself, stay cool, have fun with all of them and hopefully help them realize that I am not some kind of monster trying to steal Robyn away from them?

Wish me luck. ;)
.

[Amorous One]

Anyone? Please?

[phillysteakandcheese]

It seems this girl has chosen her girlfriends over you. Her friends don't want to share time with you, so they pressure her to ditch you. Many young girls get manipulated this way by their friends... it's nothing new.

From here on in, I would make sure that you treat this girl, and her friends, like queens. Flirt, be friendly and generous will all of them. If her friends like you, there's a better chance they'll let up.

My only other advice is to remember that 19 is still very young, and this girl obviously still has growing up to do - especially if she's letting her friends manipulate her this way.

[Amorous One]

Thanks phillysteakandcheese,

That's what I've been thinking too, it's good to hear it from someone else.
You know I'll try my best,, as much as all this hurts, I still love the girl and know that there was enough good in our relationship that I'm willing to at least give it the old college try. ;o)

Any other comments, stratgies or suggestions are still welcome as well!

Thanks in advance.

[ordinaryguy]

She and her friends are young and foolish, fairly typical actually. Don't expect her to be responsible and mature, because she isn't yet. If you're really up for a relationship with a fickle, immature, childish girl, go for it, but don't be surprised if it puts you through the wringer, because it will. Unless you're willing to be just as immature and childish. But at your age, it's probably not going to be as fun as it used to be.

[s2tp]

I agree with Philly,

These girls are obviously in their prime 'bash on men' stage... a lot of girls go through it after heartbreak, and well sometimes they bring others down with them, such as your GF. Its not a nice thing, and it doesn't make much sense, but I would say if you really feel like you have the patience, your best bet is to just try and show these other girls how chill and great of a guy you are. You are doing great by giving Robyn her space, that shows that you are not emotionally dependent on her, and you have managed to keep the friendship still there.

One thing I have experienced in dating, is that sometimes when a girl has other girlfriends that are ex bf-bashing, she will say the not-so-so great things about her own man... you may say you two had a great relationship and love each other, but when these other girls started going off on all the bad things their men did, Robyn may have mentioned a few things she doesn't like about you(every relationship has these things, I believe its just normal). Not that she really means it all, but because it was just something to say, and to add to the fuel... this is how the friends may have come about talking bad about you.

When I was younger, I said and did many a stupid things when it came to friends and guys.. . just takes time to grow out of it.

You seem to love her and have the patience, to keep on going, and see how long you can last, just be aware things may not come back around as you would like them too. Just got to know when to give up...

I think it's a good idea to still flirt with her, be funny, but I wouldn't move in for the kiss unless she's giving the signals she wants it.. or you can even ask if she will be your last kiss of 2006, or first kiss of 2007... could be cute to her and her friends...

Well best of luck!

[talaniman]

This is what my advice was on the post you made DEC20th;

Your really believe a high school girl is ready for an adult relationship? Don't answer, your actions are proof you didn't have a clue. You are still blinded by the fact, you were infatuated with this female, and refuse to see not only is she not ready to be an adult ,she is not willing either. The best thing you can do is leave her alone, and you do have a life without her don't you? If not I suggest you get one. You're a 27 year old man and your letting this GIRL call the shots in your life? Does this sound healthy to you? Grow up will you.

Now reading this post and finding out about the weed and friends (typical young behavior) I don't think much has changed, it may be a little worse. And not to sound mean or cruel, your new post has done nothing to change my mind at all. I can only add for you to consider taking care of your own life and let others take care of theirs, since you can't make anyone do what you want, or to like you, or even care. I can not advise any one to put a hold on their life waiting for some one else to grow up and be what you want them to be. Not healthy and not even wise. Life doesn't work like that. Please come up with a better plan(without her in it) that works for you. Sorry.
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[Amorous One]

You guys rock... Thanks for all your time and advise.

I've playing it cool, backing off from her, doing my own thing, and whenever I do see or talk to her I just act like myself, upbeat and happy go lucky. Things are already starting to come around a little. Apparently her friends are acting like screw-ups lately (getting too messed up and creating drama) and it's starting to annoy her. She's definitely been communicating with me more lately.

No real expectations yet, but it's nice to see she's warming up and talking to me again.

Cheers.
AJ