[AJVANLAERE]

Me and my girlfriend of 2 years are always fighting. I am in grade 11 and she is in grade 12. Therefore as September comes she will be in university and I will be in grade 12. This is a problem for me because I am so jelosu when others talk to her. I also believe she is going to flirt with other people. I rather not break up so helpful answers please. Also she doesn't go on msn Facebook or text other guys but I am scared she is going to start I hope that someone can help! Please and thank you

[ZoeMarie]

Ok, slow down... you are both young and have a lot of maturing to do. Who knows if in a couple years you will even both feel the same way about each other? Just relax and see what happens. If she hasn't given you any reason not to trust her then give her the benefit of the doubt. Another thing though, what are you guys always fighting about?

[Alty]

She's going off to University, she's going to meet new people, not all of them will be female.

If she's never given you a reason to mistrust her, then find the trust she's earned and stop being so possessive. That's a sure way to lose her, or drive her away.

Trust is the most important thing in a relationship, if you don't have that, then do her a favor and let her go.

[Devorameira]

Calm down. You just have to trust her unless she gives you a reason not to.

Sure she'll be at the university and sure she'll meet new people, but if she's trustworthy, then you should feel secure in knowing that she won't cheat on you.

[talaniman]

Show her trust, not jealousy. And coping with your jealousy is your problem and not hers. Give a lot of thought to what you do and say, so at least as you develop coping skills, you won't pizz her off or hurt her feelings to where she can't stand the thought of you any more.

[AJVANLAERE]

Here is a little extra detail..
Me and her are sexually active and she's been with a guy before me. She is my first... anyway we fight about anything stupid thing in the world can come up and we fight about it. Worst thing is that she tries to leave and i don't let her. She hits me but not like abuse well idk but it don't matter. I am glad i found this site today. I signed up right away peopl answer quick and its nice to have honest people and people who are not negative. Sorry for going off track now.. my girlfriend is a flirt even though she says she's not. Idk what to do. I have my days she has her days (cranky).. i always say its not a big deal if she cheats she cheats and she's gone and move on but for some reason i am still very jealous.

[ZoeMarie]

WORST THING IS THAT SHE TRYS TO LEAVE AND I DONT LET HER..

This is controlling behavior, something I wouldn't stand for in a relationship. This is what I'm talking about when I say that you both have a lot of maturing left to do.

[AJVANLAERE]

But how good is it if you just walk away from your problems. Why don't anyone talk about the problems. I try to talk about them and I get the "sure you do" answer but really when I say something I mean it what can I do to change this relationship around and bring it back up to the positives. Thanks

[ZoeMarie]

I'm not saying it's good to walk away from problems at all. That's the other side of what I mean by you both have a lot of maturing to do, but forcing someone to stay and talk about something isn't the answer. She's got to want to work through things.

[Alty]

I'm glad you're willing to listen because I don't think any of us can tell you what you want to hear, we can only tell you what we would do, or what we've learned.

I'm female, as such, I've dated. I'm married now, have been for 15 years, but I dated a lot before that happened and I can tell you one thing, jealous guys, they may stick around for a while, but sooner or later (usually sooner) they get kicked to the curb. Why should anyone constantly have to defend themselves when they've done nothing to warrant the distrust their partner feels?

So do you trust her? Do you love her? Do you believe she loves you? If so, stop nagging at her whenever she glances at another guy or innocently flirts with someone. Stop worrying about something that hasn't even happened.

Communication is key to any relationship. I know it's sounds trite, because we say it a lot, but it's true. If you can talk to each other, tell each other how you feel in a mature reasonable way, then you can get through most things in life. If you keep on going the way you're going she may well find someone else that actually gives her the trust she deserves.

You can't force her to be with you, but you can let her see that you're willing to be with her, that you're willing to make it work, that you're willing to trust her. If you do all of that, then you may have a chance, but statistically, you probably won't end up with this person for the rest of your life. It does happen, it's just not the norm, so be prepared for that.

[talaniman]

I suppose you will have to grow into the idea of being patient, with yourself, and her, and find out that it may take more time to "fix" things in a relationship, than you can stand.

Backing up, and taking time to think about things, is not walking away from a problem, but a technique to stay focused, instead of getting carried away by emotions, and making the problem even more difficult.

You deal with your jealousy the same way, and since you cannot change the past, you deal with the present for what it is.

Patience is the start of developing good coping skills, so you won't have to be overwhelmed by a situation, and use all capitals to make your point. That's shouting on the Net, and is rude.

That's what I meant about thinking before you speak, or act. That's my advice as you work on those coping skills. Google coping skills, and see what I mean.

[AJVANLAERE]

Thanks for the posts. I looked up coping skills and i took this test. I am going to try this. But please if anyone has somoething for me to try please post it hear

[talaniman]

I was being nice before but what's up with the caps?

[AJVANLAERE]

Sorry, I always keep my caps lock on. I'm not yelling or anything I just fogot to turn off my cap lock. Sorry about that

[friend4u178]

You know if I had a GF that was constantly questioning my loyalty I'd soon get jack of it , not just that it might just push me to do it.

Bottom line is you have to Trust her until she gives you a reason not to , otherwise it's not going to work out anyway.

Your both young , and if it's going to work your both going to have to overcome many hurdles in the coming years , don't stumble at the first one.

[AJVANLAERE]

Thanks for everyone's advice

[Devorameira]

Be careful or you'll end up running her off by showing your insecurity.

You got to trust her or break up with her... simple as that.

[Psyle]

First of all, get control of your anger before you hurt yourself. It may be surprising but this happens to a lot of relationships. The good thing is she admitted to it and you can now move on peacefully. It seems she may not have moved on from her previous relationship and is now past the honeymoon phase of yours. She probably buried those past feelings for her ex and they are now starting to resurface.

It won't help to try and figure out why she's contacting her ex because it's her choice. Cut this relationship off, it's heading south fast.

[talaniman]

Sorry guy but I think its time you bow out gracefully, and keep your dignity, and self respect. When she starts talking to others, and lies about it, I think that's a clear indication that your first relationship has come to an end, and you have to move on.

Your right, though she tells you that she has been in touch with her ex for a few days, you have no way of knowing what the truth is, but for sure you know that her attention, and interest, is not just on you any more, and its only a matter of time until she dumps you. Leave on your own terms, and don't look back.

Look ahead to the second love of your young life.