[LadyC24]

I am a 24 year old woman. I have lived on my own twice with roommates. However I moved home, due to financial issues from being young and naïve. I am thankful they have let me back in. But I partially moved back in, to protect my little sister. I don't want her to grow up with the kind of manipulation and guilt tripping my older sister and I have to put up with. My mom even calls my sisters and I her built in girlfriends. She has no hobbies, works and over –stresses herself with our lives. I know she loves my sisters and I, but this is a bit extreme.

I am almost done paying off my debt, and getting back on my feet, so I can move out for good, but I DO pay $400 a month for rent to my parents. I paid fully for my own car, and have no car payments, pay my own phone bill, insurance, car insurance, clothes, toiletries and even cook dinner once a week for a family a five. I run errands for her, and pay with my own money, and don't ask for a penny. I have a full-time job, and have extra-curricular activities outside of home. I do my own laundry, clean the house when I have down time, and contribute to the household and follow the house rules as best I can.

Since I am in a serious relationship, my mom won't allow me to go on small trips with friends or stay over at my boyfriend's house. She also gives me curfew. We have been dating for 8 years, and have been discussing moving in together and marriage. He respects me and my parents, but my mom hates him, because its interfering with her time with me. My boyfriend and I spilt up and tried going our separate ways. I even dated another guy, which my mom also hated but I have come to the conclusion, she never wants me to date. WHENEVER I AM SINGLE. I have all the freedom, but when I am monogamous and in a serious relationship trying to move on with my life, she tries to guilt me and say I am living in sin. Even though my boyfriend willingly puts up with the unrealistic rules. She always threatens to kick me out, when I am not in agreement with her. I have learned not to raise my voice at her, and listen to her side, and explain to her that my relationship is my decision and she needs to respect that. She is verbally abusive, saying things like, "your just a booty call", or "your selfish and you can move out". My dad is only frustrated when she is mad about something. But I don't think he necessarily cares as much as she does. He says he knows his time with my older sister and I is short, and that he wants to enjoy us while we are home. But my mom, tries to play the victim with him, and my sister and I are in this vicious cycle with her. Speaking of which my sister pays $500 a month for rent. I don't know how to explain to her, that my boyfriend and I are going to move in together without her flying off the handle.

Are we being manipulated? I don't know what to do. Should I just move out? Let me know what you think I should do.

FYI - She left her parents at 18 to live with my dad, unwed and pregnant. She has a very broken relationship with her own mother, for the same reasons. I don't want that division between us. BUT I am ready to live my own life as an adult.

[beachloverjohn]

Yes, your mother is making you feel guilty in order to retain control over you. Move out, stand up to her, and live your own life. If she wants to be part of it, then she has to top manipulating you. Other wise, you will not include her in any decisions

[KBC]

The last sentence says a lot about your mother and her need for you to not follow in her footsteps.

You have been out of their home twice, is there a pattern beginning to show?

In the second paragraph it seems like you are trying to sell yourself, what is it you are trying to show,that you are responsible?If you were,perhaps you wouldn't be in this situation, I don't know enough to hazard any further guesses.

Third paragraph, who says if you pay rent that you can't stay at a friends house,go on trips with friends, etc... you are being treated as a child,you pay your way,do the things you are expected to and yet you have no adult freedoms?

Get out of there.

Your life is being spent taking care of your mothers need to be over protective,her need to keep control over you,you have allowed this to happen or you wouldn't be back under their roof to begin with,knowing what this situation would end up like.

The first 2 times out of the house didn't teach you much,perhaps now you are going to learn.and your other sister who is PAYING to live there? Oh my,, that money can be much better spent on your FREEDOM,

You should both move out and soon!

Imagine what $900 a month could do for the 2 of you on your own?For rent?

Your mother probably needs some help, not the kind YOU or your sisters can provide,especially while under her roof.

[answerme_tender]

I agree with KBC---$900 is a nice amount for nice place to live. Need to talk to sis and she if she is ready to move out. I would talk to her about the possibility of your boyfriend moving in later time. I also had very manipulating parents when I was growing up and its not easy to let go of those strings, but you can do it. She will be pi**ed off in the beginning, but she will come around and realize that you are grown up now.