[harmonybox]

I'm hoping someone can help me with this. I am a very sensitive person, but not so much in the sense that I get my feelings hurt. When I'm around people and they tell me their stories I am overwhelmed by their experiences as if I'm living it myself.

This can be a good thing when someone needs a person that can understand the pain they're feeling and listen unconditionally. However, and in most cases, the person walks away feeling great while I walk away feeling like I was hit in the stomach by a bat.

I don't know how to both be there for others and keep my own emotions in check. I still remember situations that others have experienced in the past as if I went through them myself. Some of these situations have been emotionally traumatizing for them and now for me as well.

If anyone has any suggestions I would greatly appreciate it.

[Jake2008]

I know exactly what you're talking about.

It is a form of abuse in my opinion. You are being used as a safe sounding board, someone to dump negative experiences and emotions onto, and one that can only listen and not directly influence the actions of the one targeting you with their poblems and tales of woe.

After you absorb all that energy that you didn't go looking for (it found you), you are left drained, confused, and worn out by trying to process it.

It isn't okay that you allow people to do this to you. As long as you are available with a big green flag over your head, you will have people who will fee quite entitled to emotional dumping. They are everywhere; in your own home, friends and family, the workplace, even total and complete strangers.

Unless you are a paid therapist, skilled in tackling the emotional problems of others, and are well paid to do it, it is time to put a stop to this one-sided flash in the pan 'hits' that you accept.

What I do well now, is say, 'I'm sorry you're going through this, but I can't help you'. Chances are that won't fizz them a bit, they'll just move onto the next sucker in order to have the need to vent satisfied. Anybody with two ears will do, you are nobody special to them.

Direct the energy back to them. And nip it in the bud before it is a full blown assault. Cut them off at the pass, and turn them around. If you were in a furniture store, and the salesman was hounding you at every turn with information you didn't want or need (you're only there to browse) you wouldn't hesitate to leave the store to get away from him.

Do the same with those that use you with their personal issues.

I am very sensitive too. And I realized that by being available, it was really an invitation for a free for all one-sided unpleasant and unwanted one-way exchange that I didn't ask for, want, or need.

But, it is only up to you to stop it. Just say no, turn the problem immediately back to them, and walk away. It is quite liberating when you get the hang of it. Don't let yourself be used in this manner. Emotional assaults are draining, and ruin your day.

[harmonybox]

If you were in a furniture store, and the salesman was hounding you at every turn with information you didn't want or need (you're only there to browse) you wouldn't hesitate to leave the store to get away from him.

Hi Jake,

Thank you, and I had never looked at from the angle of how I would deal with salesman. I will definitely keep that in mind when dealing with others in the future.

With you being sensitive by nature as well, how do you deal with being in crowds where you may not be directly listening or speaking with others? Are you still affected by the energy of the people around you? I am introverted so this makes it even more difficult since I become drained just being around the various moods of others.

I love people, and want to be around them. However, the exhaustion I feel can keep me from doing the things I want. Events with a lot of people near me can put me down for days of rest afterwards.

[Jake2008]

Yes, the energy can sometimes be exhausting, but sometimes it can be exhilarating too.

People talk about 'vibes', and really that is what vibes are- energy. When certain people I know walk in the room, their energy is happy, fun, positive- I soak it all up. When my evil twin sister, the wicked witch from the West, walks in the room, it feels like the room is filling up with dark clouds. Oppressive, draining, and hard to breathe.

And, with people you do not know, you lose the edge of predictabiility, where you can have some control, because it is your home, or space.

Large, unknown numbers of people in one place, is the same thing, only multiplied thousands of times, depending on the venue, and if you are sensitive, you will feel that. If it is at a concert, say AC/DC or the Stones, that sort of energy will put pretty much everybody in a good place, but for particularly sensitive people, it can be beyond the threshold of comfort.

Some do not even recognize what is affecting them in large groups, and thus they do not know how to control the energy. They sit in their seat, and then the positive energy, turns into negative energy because of being overwhelmed, then confusion, being very uncomfortable, on the verge of tears. The time to exit, was when it started to be uncomfortable.

It is all about control, and recognizing it, and learning through experience, how to manage it. You are very, very smart to know that this is happening to you. I can't count the number of people who are in 'toxic' relationships, and negative energy, from both parties, is so thick, that neither can see past the connection, to see that the energy eminates from each other. Feeds of each other, and is destructive.

To someone sensitive to this degree, it is always about control.

Learn to recognize both the good and bad about all energy coming your way. But, don't dismiss it because you don't want it to be there. Just as you did with those that dump their negative (usually) personal stories on you (thus feeling better themselves), you allowed yourself to accept it.

It has to go somewhere, just don't let it be you.

[harmonybox]

I see what your saying, that makes a lot of sense. So in essence, although I know where its coming from and why - I haven't done the work to prevent it either.

I'll spend some time contemplating why I do this and see if I can have a breakthrough on how to control it better.

Thank you so much!

[Jake2008]

Good for you! Keep working on it. It should become second nature with some practice. :)

[Spokane]

The irony is, people who are so tuned in to the feelings around them and become introverted as a defense are often seen as cold or uncaring. All because they care too much.