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confused63 · Sep 10, 2010, 06:02 AM

I recently found out that for 2 out of the 7 yrs that I've known my lover he hid the fact he had a live in GF.

Why he would do this as opposed to just being honest I haven't a clue.

I do know that after the GF was told about what he was doing behind her back he was the one who got very angry and left very nasty and threatening messages on my cell phone.

Why did he blow up like that and how should I deal with this when he tries to get in touch with me again(because I believe that most people will agree that he will resurface one day)

I wish · Sep 10, 2010, 07:14 AM

He's been lying and cheating. What should you do? Dump and move on. Ignore all calls, as in, don't even bother picking up, 100% no contact.

NeedKarma · Sep 10, 2010, 07:17 AM

Dump him.

confused63 · Sep 10, 2010, 07:25 AM

I like your screen name.

I think Karma finally came back to bite him.

Shadowburn · Sep 10, 2010, 07:31 AM

If he'd be honest with you, would you continue seeing him for 7 years? So he had to lie to keep both women.

He's not trying to contact you because he's doing damage control at home now and you are not in his priority list. Don't worry, as soon is his girlfriend is less pissed, he'd run after you again. I hope you'll be smart enough to go NC and not to let him use you again.

Good luck.

Shadowburn · Sep 10, 2010, 07:55 AM

Confused, please do not respond using comments section, use "Quote User" or "Answer this question" options, this way thread is updated.

You know nothing about their relationship, and his girlfriend maybe a perfectly fine woman. He is a liar and loser, so cut him off, you can do better. You deserve to be with a man who would love you and only you.

Good luck.

confused63 · Sep 10, 2010, 08:04 AM

I'm not saying that this other woman isn't a good person but IMO people in general just don't do things without having a reason to do it.

What I did learn is that he has USED both us to play his twisted little game and if for whatever his GF's reason(s) are for continuing to overlook his cheating ways then I'm sorry to say that the two of them really deserve each other.

confused63 · Sep 10, 2010, 08:10 AM

I have a question to ask If you were the live in GF and a woman called your phone claiming to have been sleeping with your "man" after you lit into him would you actually stay and try to work things out?

It's been my experience that even if the woman chose to stay in spite of being given the information that the relationship for what it's worth isn't the same afterwards.

Just my opinion.

Homegirl 50 · Sep 10, 2010, 08:17 AM

What difference does it make. He has been lying to both of you. He is a creep.
Be done with him and stop worrying and wondering what is going on in their life. Get yours together.
If this lady wants to continue on with this creep, that's her business and her problem.

Shadowburn · Sep 10, 2010, 08:21 AM

Confused, please take a high road and walk away from all of this. I know you feel bitter and used, but probably there were red flags all along that you've chosen to ignore. Have you not been invited to his place over all this years? Were you able to call his home number? Did you meet his family and friends? Have you spent major holidays together? How was he able to keep up his game for TWO YEARS?

Those are the questions you should be asking yourself. Not why she stays with him. She stays because she loves him and because he lied his way out of it - made you to be a crazy stalker who was chasing after him and making a fool out of herself. Or confessed to everything and begged for a second chance and forgiveness.

Let it go.

confused63 · Sep 10, 2010, 08:54 AM

Yes he is her problem and not mine but while you are telling me that the reason she is staying with him is because she loves him how would anyone know that's not the same reason I stayed and put up with all his crap for so long?

jmjoseph · Sep 10, 2010, 09:06 AM

My do you think so little of yourself as to be treated with such disregard? He is a liar, and a cheater, and should be forgotten like a bad dream.

This girl could be all that he ever wanted, and he would still cheat. Cheaters cheat. It's what they do. You are his "ace in the hole", "Old Faithful". A sex toy to him. He takes you down when he wants to play. That's it. And then he goes home to another.

Be mad about that.

Move on, and carry on with your life. Learn from this experience.

Have confidence IN yourself. Have respect FOR yourself.

The world is full of guys.

Go find one that knows how to treat a lady.

confused63 · Sep 10, 2010, 09:13 AM

I am very angry at the fact that after all this time that he never saw me as anything more than a FWB and am even angrier at the fact that he does go home to someone else snores in their face and comes and F**** me.

I fail to see any respect for anyone in this twisted little game including his live in GF.

How much could he really be committed or even care/love her if he's out "whoring" around with me and lord knows how many other women?

Homegirl 50 · Sep 10, 2010, 09:23 AM

He may not be committed to anybody but himself, but that is beside the point.
What difference does it make? He is still a cheater and he is still gone. Be glad you know what you are dealing with and move on.
Ask yourself why you are still wanting this clown, why you are still fixated, because until you come to terms with that, you will not move on as you should.

confused63 · Sep 10, 2010, 09:30 AM

I know I shouldn't even give a rat's *** about him anymore but it's just so hard to let someone go when you know you genuinally loved them no matter how messed up they were/are.

I'll be all right in time. Time does do magical things and takes care of a lot.

I guess I really neede was people to be a sounding board/someone to listen. We all need that from time to time.

jmjoseph · Sep 10, 2010, 09:36 AM

Originally Posted by confused63

I know i shouldn't even give a rat's *** about him anymore but it's just so hard to let someone go when you know you genuinally loved them no matter how messed up they were/are.

i'll be alright in time. Time does do magical things and takes care of a lot.

I guess i really neede was people to be a sounding board/someone to listen. We all need that from time to time.

When something seems ridiculous, tell it someone else, or say it out loud to yourself. It puts things into perspective a little better.

We allow ourselves to get into some pretty crazy situations sometimes. Could be love. Could just be loneliness. Learn from it, and move forward.

confused63 · Sep 10, 2010, 09:41 AM

What you and everyone else has said makes all the sense in the world but it doesn't make it any easier.

What gets me is how does he live with himself knowing that all he's been doing is lying to and using both women?

Homegirl 50 · Sep 10, 2010, 09:45 AM

He's used to it. It is who he is. That's how he lives with it.

confused63 · Sep 10, 2010, 09:48 AM

Very sad to know that he lives this way. Needs some serious help.

I am glad I know I could never do that to another person. My conscience wouldn't allow me to do so.

I wish · Sep 10, 2010, 09:51 AM

What's his problem? He just wanted a booty call and you fit the bill.

You were his booty call without even knowing it. Now you know the truth, so you can stop.

It's not much more complicated than that. As for respect to his girlfriend, etc. it can all be explained with the fact that he wanted a booty call.