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brknhrtdgirl · Sep 9, 2010, 02:49 PM

I'm really worried that something is mentally wrong with me and I'm starting to scare myself. This guy I was seeing decided that he was still in love with his ex-girlfriend and went back to her without even letting me know. I was completely devastated. I tried everything to get him to be at least friends with me but he really didn't want me in his life. There was nothing else I could do and instead of backing down like any normal person would do, I created a fake Facebook profile of a fake person who was supposed to be one of my good friends. I pretty much tried to make the guy who dumped me feel bad for me. His girlfriend, who was reading all his emails and messages, put the pieces together and called my bluff. I denied it and still do deny it when they bring it up, although we're all on really bad terms.
Its not the first time I do this but its certainly the last. I've learned my lesson. I just wanted to know if anyone could explain why I did this... more than once? Is it a disorder of some sort? I don't know, I just want to stop being so desperate all the time and just let go when I have to.

JudyKayTee · Sep 9, 2010, 02:52 PM

I think you wanted to get back at him, hurt him like he hurt you. Not an uncommon emotion but some people have better control over their actions than others.

I don't understand how you are in contact with both him and the girlfriend? Wouldn't you be better off having no contact?

You were having problems with a relationship last year - is this the same guy? https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...lf-403111.html

brknhrtdgirl · Sep 9, 2010, 02:57 PM

No its not the same guy, it took me about 9 months to get over that relationship. This new guy was actually the first one I opened my heart to since then.

Jake2008 · Sep 21, 2010, 04:42 AM

I think it is quite natural, and normal, when you are hit out of the blue with the end of a relationship that you didn't see coming, to be angry, resentful, and bitter.

The problem lies in, how you handle those emotions.

It doesn't always sink in right away, that one minute you are in a relationship, and the next, he's dumped you for his ex. Realizing that only time will allow you to process that shock, will help you cope with everything else.

Recognize too, that you cannot escape the pain you feel, but that there are appropriate, and inappropriate ways of dealing with it. All that you have described with the Facebook thing, only shows you were prolonging the inevitable, because, it is still over, and you only temporarily put reality on hold by dealing with your loss, in a destructive and vindictive way.

That temporary 'fix', didn't really fix anything, and really only made things worse.

The next time you are feeling like you want to behave in a similar way, think of alternatives. Get your girlfriends together and have a bit**fest. Take a long weekend vacation. Do any number of things to deal with the immediate aftermath and all the feelings that need to get out. Realize that what you are feeling is normal, but how you are dealing with it is not.

There are stages to any relationship that breaks up, because it is a loss, and a very personal one. Being angry is the first hurdle to get over, and when you have passed the angry stage, you will begin to find your footing again, because you will have to accept that the relationship is over. It takes time, and nature guides you, because if you had to deal with all the stages of loss at once, I think we'd probably explode. Let nature take its course in other words, and know that, in time, whatever you are feeling, will pass.

JudyKayTee · Sep 21, 2010, 09:22 AM

Please don't use the comment feature to add info - no one can read it and it isn't brought to anyone's attention.

Covered in AMHD rules.

jonledin · Oct 5, 2010, 07:57 AM

You do not have a disorder so get that nasty thought out of your mind. The more negative you feel about yourself, the more negative you become. You have talents and skills no one else has i.e. music, art, writing, etc. Find a talent you like and use to help you release your feelings. For me I use art, writing and music to help me cope with issues I deal with every day. If you learned your lesson then move on don't dwell on it.