[AlphaOmegaPx]

Before I start telling you about my situation, I ask two things 1)Please be understanding, I've had enough people in my life who've said 'suck it up'. Well I've tried that for some 3 years now, doesn't work. 2)Please be patient. I know these are my mental problems so they might be boring to you.

I grew up in Florida to a great loving family, not really any problems except for maybe my uncle who is an alcoholic but he doesn't matter since I wasn't very connected with him. I grew up a normal kid, I wasn't teased or abused or anything really that bad, even though there were times. When I was in fourth grade my dad was diagnosed with colon cancer. For two years he had to undergo chemotherapy and many surgeries. This was one of the hardest times of my life for my family and me, I remember running to the back of church one day to go cry in the restroom because I was so scared my dad was going to die. However, after a major surgery the doctors thought they had completely gotten rid of the cancerous tumor. So as far as we knew he was completely fine after that and he felt fine. So at the start of middle school, my dad got transferred to work in Washington which is where most of my family lives. Life was good for the first 2 months we were there (september and october). But then all of the sudden at the start of November he started to feel horrible again and so he went to the hospital. The doctor's told us it was just an infection from his previous surgeries and he should be out in a day or two. As you can probably see where this is going, on November 5th my dad woke up tried to get up out of his bed and died in the hospital. Needless to say, This caught all of us completely off guard. When the surgery was performed in Florida the cancer had actually begun spreading outside the colon to the vital organs. That moment was so traumatic for me. I can literally remember every single thing I did that day, the intense emotion I felt, the shock, the fear, etc. His funeral was the last time I ever cried. I always thought I had to be strong for my mom. After that we moved closer to our family in Oregon. The most disappointing moment of my life came next. After all this, I guess I tried to avoid thinking about it as much as I could, I even forgot the one year anniversary of his death. My mom had to tell me it was November 5th...
So from then on in middle school and high school I felt the urge to be like my dad in everyway. I became a better student, basketball player, and I took up golf. I started taking advanced classes in science because I wanted to cure cancer. Over the years I have become a pretty good basketball player, golfer, and a smart cookie but I've always been plagued by something (although I've always been athletic and smart).
This is only in sports or advanced classes of mine, not so much in social situations (although sometimes I feel or come off as a little numb). I feel incredibly anxious, scared, and worry some whenever I'm out on the court, course, or when I have a really hard AP test. I lose my concentration and instead focus on these intense feelings. I then get frustrated and very angry because I'm not playing up to what I have been in practice. In golf, I play very well by myself. Every time I go out I shoot under 85 but I've never broken 80. Whenever I get close to breaking 80 I get very anxious very early in the round (e.g. par, par, par, par, birdie, par, quadruple bogey, triple bogey, par, par, bogey... etc.). Whenever I play with other people its worse, for instance, last week I went out and played a nice golf course with a couple of my buddies and I shot over 100... With basketball I have only had 2 good games where I wasn't thinking about and worrying about everyone and what they thought of me. And in school I feel I'm easily distracted by this overwhelming anxiety in challenging classes.
So just to clarify, whenever I am challenged, I screw up. I am far from clutch, I do horrible under pressure, and I have no idea what I'm truly capable of. I feel as if this is holding me back. I give up very easily, which is never good for HS sports.
I don't know if this is because of my dad's death, which is 5 years ago November 5 this year, or what. I just want this feeling to be gone or be controllable. I've been researching Post traumatic stress disorder and have been taking a few online tests. All of them say I am Highly qualified for this. However, I have no idea how accurate those questions are. The symptoms seem to match up though.
So to sum it up, what do you think, should I see someone about this?

[Alty]

This is the part of your post that stands out the most for me.

So from then on in middle school and high school I felt the urge to be like my dad in everyway. I became a better student, basketball player, and I took up golf.

Could it be that you're becoming anxious because if you fail, in your mind you're letting your dad down, not living up to being like him in every way?

I lost both my parents to cancer 6 1/2 months apart. I know the pain of losing someone, especially to this horrible disease.

After my dad died I went to counseling for a while. It helped me a great deal.

I think that seeing a counselor would be a step in the right direction. If this is what you decide to do realize that most people don't find the right counselor the first time out. It can take some shopping around to find a counselor you're comfortable with. It's very important that you are comfortable because you will be telling this person things you wouldn't tell anyone else.

It's also very important to be honest and open with your counselor. Don't hold back any of your feelings. They can't help if they don't know exactly what's going on.

Last but not least, counseling isn't a quick fix. It can take months, years, before you get to the bottom of this and find the help you need to move on.

I wish you all the best and I'm so sorry for your loss.