[alucard_rux]

I don't know how to start the thing is I feel sad upset and depressed like 90% of the time I can't claim I have real problems I have to best friends my mum and my older sister that doesn't mean I don't have other friends I do it's just they are the most people I trust that's all my father is a great man he does everything he can to make us happy I have another 2 sisters I can't get along with any of them but it's no problem we still talk and hang out after all we're sisters I'm in med. School technically I have a great life except for collage you see I keep flunking and re-taking years my parents are very supportive and they keep telling me to fight for my dream and I'll get it eventually and I agree with them it's just bump in the way that I'll get over so I don't think that qualifies as a reason why I am like that like all sad and depressed like I said in the beginning and it's so annoying that I'm rude with people I love cause of this even though they did absolutely nothing to bother me I snap at them I go back an apologize and they never give me a hard time about it but still I feel awful cause of it so I get more depressed and it's like a vicious circle and to break it I need to know the initial reason for me feeling all sad upset and on the verge of crying :(
Sometimes I feel like I'm an ungrateful brat cause with all the things and the blessings I have I should be a happy person other times I feel like I'm crazy so am I any of those and if not then why am I this way?!

[RickJ]

Question moved to new question.

[Jake2008]

Even when everything adds up to things should be okay, and they are not, you're going to need to dig a little deeper to find out what is bothering you, an dhow you are going to change it.

You say you are in medical school, but keep flunking 'years', which tells me that maybe you have chosen a path that is just not for you. At some point you must have thought of changing your focus of study? To be continuously disappointed and stressed out for so long follows, as you said, with snapping at those you love, making ammends, and repeating the same behaviour.

That likely has something to do with the fact that school is not working out for you, and you have become used to this never ending pattern as you said. School- stress- failure- depression- mood changes.

While I agree that you are indeed very fortunate to have supportive parents who encourage you to keep trying, if their plan for your success (which I presume you do not share), isn't working, and instead is causing you so much anxiety, perhaps it is time to change the course of your life, beginning with what makes you stressed out in the first place- school.

I don't hear you saying that medical school is your dream, or that you've wanted to be a doctor since you were a little girl, or you are determined to get your degree.

If there is a possibility that you can change your career/school path, by talking this out with your parents, start there.

If I'm off the mark here, and you want to continue with medical school yourself, but are finding it hard to cope, then consider seeing a counsellor at school, to help you to deal with the feelings that you are having. There is no harm in talking.

If there are other contributing factors to you feeling depressed that you have not mentioned here, or more going on in your life that you want to ask about, please post again.

[alucard_rux]

Well you are right I didn't mention that I want to be in med. School or that it was my dream though it is I even had to convince my parents that it's not just a waste of years and that I really want it and I'll work hard for it and so they agreed and decided to support me all the way through I'm not sure what I really want anymore I mean I try I study but there are certain people in my collage that aren't treated fairly let's just leave it at that and unfortunately I'm one of those people so I have to work harder and sometimes I feel like I should just change schools and not attend medical school again but then the thought of me not getting this degree just scares the hell out of me you see if I flunk one more year I get expelled anyway and I'm not really sure I can pass
You know what as I write this I realize that this is probably why I'm all depressed and stuff it's that damn school and I'm like so stupid I didn't realize this I thought it's all OK and I'll try harder and it'll be all right but the truth is I'm scared I really want to be a doctor one day I know it's such a cliché but I really want to help people I want to a career that would make me feel useful and above all the damn subjects are really interesting really hard and complex but interesting nevertheless

[Jake2008]

Maybe you have just solved part of the problem yourself.

The schools I've been in, are vastly different from each other. My high school was a nightmare. Far North, at a time when nurses were paid isolation pay. Most teachers were there to get the experience (if they weren't local), and got out as soon as they could.

Schools in the South were civilized! It was like being in a different world entirely, and it was a good fit for me. The change of pace gave me a new perspective, new opportunities, new people, more freedom.

Maybe a change would be good for you as well. If you could transfer your credits over, and begin fresh, it could make a huge difference in your life.

Are there opportunities like that that could work in your circumstances?

[alucard_rux]

To avoid any confusion I'm not in the US that being said I the collage I'm currently in is in a different city than the one I live in I could change and go to the one in my city but there is a catch I'm must pass with a certain grade to do that and again to the stupid cycles I'm stuck in the collage in my city is much better with way less discrimination but sometimes I feel like even if I switch schools I'll still fail I can't see myself succeeding anymore