[bigheartaz]

We meet awhile ago at work and started talking a lot. One day I finally asked her out she said yes, the first month we were all over each other witch is common for a relationship starting all the blood and emotions are pooing out understandable.

Soon we started talking about getting married and kids and our futer so on and so on. She says she loves me and I love her to death she is my soulmate for sure but lately she says she doesn't want to be official between me and her. One day she loves me and talks about our futer , the next day she says stuff like were not official.

I found out threw a girl at our work that we work with there good friends she told me how they went out the other night and she kissed a guy when she was really drunk I guess he tried to get more out of her but she wouldn't let him or go further then that. And to find out even more she gave some other guy her phone number and was texting him a lot but to find out he ended up being a loser said our co-worker.

Our co-worker who has been friends with my girl for years felt she should tell me this because she knows I love my girl and I am a very nice and loving person and that I should know about this and she feels really bad that she would do this to me. I confronted my girl about this kind of beating around the bush because my co-worker said please don't let her know I told you! Cause they are friends and she doesn't want drama. Anyway I asked my girl " i know you dont want to be offical. but if another guy came up too you and asked for your number would you give it to them or if someone made a move on you would you let them? " she responded kind of quitely "i dont know "

I could tell by her face she felt guilty and was thinking a lot kind of like does he know or how could he know or bring this up so to say. We kind of got in a little argument but as soon as we got to my house she was all over me and kissing me we had sex and the next day she texting me saying I miss you blah blah blah... it just seems like I try really hard to be with her even though I know she said she does want to be official.. but on the other hand very confusing considering she talks about marriage and kids and how I make her happy and tells me I'm the only one getting this ***** lol but then acts different a week later.

This has gone on for months now I love her but its breaking my heart I want her but I don't want to force her to love me the same. Does she just want to see what other guys make her feel like and see what else is out there? Does she truly love me ? Or am I just her safety net that she know that I will be there to talk and tell her I love her ?

Just to flash back a bit our co-worker told me this lastweekened when they went out together was a Friday our co-worker told me that stuff Wednesday the following week and that same night is when I asked my girl about being faithful to me and would she go out with someone else. Its Friday now my girl is still telling me she misses me and stuff like that but I am very sceptical about it I just don't know anymore where this is going or if there is a futer in us... please help with some advice

Thank you
O if this help I'm 26 and she is 24

[kaka67]

Harshness Warning:

You are her doormat.
She must be really embarrassed by you not to make it official.

Why are you calling her "my girl"?

She's not yours, she's giving it to everyone and anyone by the sounds of it.

Move on. If she's treating you like crap now it will only get worse.

You sound like a nice guy. Plenty of nice girls for you out there.

[J_9]

She's not your "girl." She would be if it was official, but by not making it official she's telling you she wants to play the field.

Workplace relationships rarely work.

You are just a booty call to her at this point.

[bigheartaz]

well I do see that but it's the fact she call's me babe and says you're my man and mi amor = my love , so that's why I say my girl

[lickemlolly]

Well this sucks for you because she really is treating you like her doormat.. just coming around when she sees fit.. probably when she isn't getting attention from no one else.. sounds like she isn't ready to settle down... sounds like she isn't trying to be committed to just one person right now.. she wants to "keep" you without really having you... so she is technically allowed to see or talk to whomever she pleases and she is not technically wrong... because you are allowing her to do it... if that were me I would tell her... either we are official or we are not.. but if we aren't then this is ending here and now... and if she doesn't want to be official after saying that then cut ties with her... this "game" she is playing is ridiculous... and you need to be firm about that... look you can't sit around and wait for her to DECIDE whether she wants to be with you... its real simple.. either she wants to be with you or she doesn't...

[talaniman]

Drop the my girl stuff, it's a myth in your head planted by her to keep you hoping for more, and willing, and compliant to her wishes, and whims. You keep her amused and happy while she is free to look around and explore other options and opportunities she chooses. So can you, if you weren't so distracted, and oblivious to the obvious.

That makes you a willing partner in this friends with benefits thing you have and if you could see reality, you could have your own options working for you instead of being played, by a true player.

Instead of confronting her because of the bug her friend put in your ear (a word to the wise, a very fair warning), you should have backed up and seen if it was true or not by her actions and not just counted on her words.

Then you would have seen for yourself that her words and actions don't match, and she is feeding you a line of bull, and your so happy to take every drop she feeds you.

Now that you know about it, what are you going to do about it? My guess is you will confront her and swallow more BS, and have hope she makes things official, instead of backing up, and getting a life without her in it.

Sorry you fell for a female that knows how to keep you under control with fairy dust in your eyes, but it happens to the best of us until we learn better. I guess its your turn to learn that lesson, so take the experience and never forget how dumb you can be when a female sexes you up, and blows BULL in your ear, and you think its magic.

[I wish]

Sounds like she's got a comfortable arrangement with you. She just needs to kiss you and have some sex, talking about marriage here and there and that shuts you up.

While you're thinking that you're on cloud 9, she's ready to mingle with other guys. This pretty much sums it up.

i confronted my girl about this kinda beating around the bush because my co-worker said please dont let her know i told you!! cause they are friends and she doesnt want drama. anyways i asked my girl " i know you dont want to be offical. but if another guy came up too you and asked for your number would you give it to them or if someone made a move on you would you let them? " she responded kinda quitely "i dont know "

If her answer wasn't: "NOOO!!" Then obviously it's a "Yes, I would, if I am interested in the guy too." She's obviously still looking for what else is out there, that's why she hesitates to give you a full commitment.

You've become her booty call and backup plan. If it doesn't work out with other guys, she's always go you to fall back on. She only needs to do enough (kiss, sex, future talk) to keep you hanging around so that you don't wander away.

Furthermore, being co-workers complicates things even further. It can get very awkward when things don't go well. Are you really prepared for those consequences? Is that really the type of relationship you want to be in?

[bigheartaz]

Well I told her what up and that I'm not going to be her side fling while she gets to do what she wants... on the phone she acted lke she didn't care at all but come to find out when I got to work that she took it really hard said my co-worker that told me that stuff she said she came back from her break pissed off and in a bad mood all day... guess now she knows how it feels... thanks guys for your input

[jmjoseph]

Look, I'm going to tell you something. Women take us to our highest highs, and lowest lows. When we love THEM, and they don't really feel the same way about US, it hurts us so bad we can't stand it. I think that you are investing way too much in something that's going to give you no return, except for the booty. The bad thing about it is that you both work at the same place, and you have to see her, and hear about what she's doing.

Go enjoy your life. Do what she does. And by that I mean go out with other people.

You'll be fine. Good luck.