Check out some similar questions!

Ulysses · Dec 15, 2006, 04:13 AM

Hello everyone!
See I'm in a terrible situation. My girlfried said she has changed and is willing to be alone and doesn't know if there is still future for us.
We have lived together for 5 years, then I had to move for another city, so we just met on weekends, 2 times a month. This situation lasted for 2 years, and I thought I was coming to the point I just quit my current job in another city and eventually get back to live together and have children and be happy.
What I understand must have caused her heartchange is, yes, I have to admit, when I came on weekends to see her, I also spent time with my friends, I neglected her and chased pleasures aside the family circle. But I never cheated her and I really love her and am convinced that she is the person I would spend the whole life with. I've understood all my mistakes and I am willing to change. But she says that's TOO LATE and SHE DOESN'T LOVE ME! I called her many times, wrote emails, drew her portraits, wrote poems for her, I simply chased her... but none of this works... What should I do? Is there any chance?

talaniman · Dec 15, 2006, 04:47 AM

I have no idea if she will change her mind, or what changed it, but I do know that you should leave her alone and stop texting or Emailing, chasing was the phrase you used. Put her way back in your mind and build a life without her, and worry about doing for yourself. She gave you a shock and I understand the confusion right now, so work through it by getting on with your own life. You will feel better later and think much clearer. Resist the urge to contact her no matter how bad you want to. Not easy at all I know.

Ulysses · Dec 15, 2006, 06:23 AM

Thanks. Could you please clear it up, is my stopping the contacts going to be a sort of tactic that helped anyone in the past, or you are suggesting to forget about her at all? Another question that would probably help assess my chances - is there any statistics for breakups turned into a successful return? Thanks a lot

talaniman · Dec 15, 2006, 06:44 AM

she says that's TOO LATE and SHE DOESN'T LOVE ME!

I personally have never heard, or know of a successful return. I do know whatever happened, she seems to have made up her mind, and now you must respect this decision. No contact is not a tactic to get her back, but for you to get over her, and build a happy life without her. This is for your good not hers. What she decides to do in the future is her business, not yours. Sorry, I wish I had happier advice for you.

rol · Dec 15, 2006, 06:49 AM

<< My girlfried said she has changed>>

What age is she?

rol · Dec 15, 2006, 06:52 AM

Read Geoffs thread and all the advice given... there are a few other threads also if you search which will be helpful

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...elp-39548.html

chuff · Dec 15, 2006, 07:34 AM

Chasing her as you put it only made you come off as desperate. You need to pull back from this situation. My guess is that after you moved she started to emotionaly remove herself from this relationship. After two years she was ready to make the decision to move on.

Sending her emails, texts, drawings at that point didn't mean a thing. It was too late. Plus it came off as needy and weak which probably only helped her think her decision was the right one.

Ulysses · Dec 15, 2006, 07:52 AM

Originally Posted by rol

<< My girlfried said she has changed>>

what age is she?

We are both 27. It seems like the last chance for her to arrange her life...
She is a kind of person who doesn't meet with people easily.

On our last date I just spoke my mind, I said I won't bother her, but will develop myself, grow stronger, that I badly wish to have kids with her.
In fact, first she said it''s too late, then when I asked if it was because she doesn''t love me, she just nodded. I have not called her for a week since then.

rol · Dec 15, 2006, 07:56 AM

OK so go to no contact now... and rebuild yourself.

J_9 · Dec 15, 2006, 07:58 AM

Ulysses, I am sorry to read what you are going through. But now it is time to concentrate on you.

Don't worry that it is the last chance for her to arrange her life, get on with yours and arrange yourself.

Get on with the No Contact rule, join a gym, etc. But now it is time to concentrate on you. Figure out what you did wrong in this relationship and take steps to correct it so that you will not follow the same path next time.

Again I am sorry it ended this way, but the fact is, it is over. Now take care of yourself.

Ulysses · Dec 15, 2006, 08:14 AM

Thanks everyone for your help, it's just that I am such an idealist, which leads me to thinking (in vain as you suggest) that she might recall all the good things we had, and if she still can't find anyone after a while, give it a second try with me... Women have motherhood as an existential imperative... Another way to deceive myself, is it?

talaniman · Dec 15, 2006, 10:37 AM

Another way to deceive myself, is it?

Nice try, but no cigar, sorry. Stop worrying about her needs and get on meeting your own.