[crim_shade]

I've been with my girlfriend for 6 months now, she's 20 and I'm 21 years old. The first few months was great, until a month ago, while we were drinking with our friends, she got drunk, I asked her a few questions regarding her past. I asked her how many sexual partners she had before me, and she answered 4 (3 relationships and 1 fling). Another question was what age did she lose her virginity. Then she answered, 14... then I thought to myself WHAT THE F***?? Who does it when your just 14 years old? Then my curiosity went on and on... I then asked her how old was her partner then, she answered 20. I got really pissed... but it didn't stop there, the next partner (the guy that she had a fling with) that she had was with someone I knew, someone that she only knew for 3 months!! (she was still 14 at that time), the next partner that she had was with a friend of the first guy he slept with, they went out for like 5 years. Then the next partner he had was with a 27 year old guy, she was 19 then, damn!!
Ever since then, her past is all I could think about, I want to stop this but I cant, every time I drink, I call her up and bring up stuff about her sexual encounters and end up fighting... I know that no one's perfect, but still I'm only human, its hard to accept who she was before she came into my life...
I would really appreciate your help guys!! THANKS


I know I'm wasting my time on focusing

[redhed35]

Could I just ask if you dropped down out of the sky,a virgin and a clean slate at the grand at of 21?

No,didn't think so.

Unless you can say hand on heart that you have never made a mistake,never judged anyone,never ever put a foot wrong,how can you even jusitify pointing your finger?

She has a past,so what!

She's with you now,but not for long if you continue bashing her past over her head,if you want to stay with this girl,accept she is human and she has a past,if you cant,move on, and good luck trying to find someone without a past.

[Cat1864]

First thing, stop drinking. Alcohol got you into this mess and is only making things worse.

Second, her past is her past. What she has done and been through, the good and the bad, are what make her the person she is today.

Third, if you hadn't been drinking would you have asked her such personal questions? If she hadn't been drunk would she have answered those questions or told you to mind your own past? I certainly hope you didn't wait until she was drunk to get the information you wanted, though you certainly took advantage of it.

This isn't about her. This about you. It doesn't matter why she did what she did when she did it. In general, there are a multitude of reasons young teens become sexually active. Her reasons are hers to share with someone who cares about her-the person she is now-not the person they want her to be or to make her into.

If you can't accept that she had a life before she met you (doesn't matter what that life includes), let her go to heal and find someone who doesn't care what her past is or keeps his/her nose out of it. Let her find someone who wants her as she is.

There really isn't anything else you can do. She can't change her past and should not be made to feel like she should be punished for it or that she has to apologize to anyone let alone you.

Unfortunately, acceptance is something you have to find inside of you. You have to be able to perceive her as the whole person she is and like/care for that person. If you can't, let her go.

[slapshot_oi]

When you get older, make a bunch of bad choices and have a sexual past of your own, you'll be more accepting of girls like her. That's what life is about, she just started really young and you didn't. Until then, chalk this one up to a learning experience and know enough not to ask about your next girlfriend's--sorry but this one's not going to stay happy with someone who doesn't even like her--sexual encounters.

[Romefalls19]

Wow, haven't you always heard curiosity killed the cat. If you didn't want to hear the worst case scenario of the possible outcome, then don't ask the question. You have a lot of growing up to do, everyone has a past, get over it or you are going to find yourself and very old, alone man.

[talaniman]

Stop getting drunk and acting a fool about her personal business.

And be careful what you ask for. You may get it, and not know how to handle, the truth.

If she was a virgin, you would have no questions but your ego and pride would have your chest stuck out a mile.

[liz28]

Everyone has a past and when your young you do experiment and grow from them. Would you have rather her lie about them then tell you the truth? Do you think it is fair for you to use them against her? Right now your judging her for the things she has done in the past and how do you think this makes her feel? Don't you think you should let this go and continue on having a great relatuonship with this women or would you rather loose her and regret it later?

Honestly, what she told you isn't bad at all because I have heard worst. Be happy and stop worrying about the things you can't change because after all don't you have a past too?

Btw, ifyou know you are wasting your time focusing on the past then why are you doing this?

[positiveparent]

So I take it you're Mr Squeaky Clean and Perfect then, yes I can see that, you go around getting your g/f sloshed then you question her about her past lovelife or sexual activities, so decent, I see.

Her past love/sexlife is none of youre business and never has been never will be, I take it youre also snow white.

I think what you did was despicable and I hope she dumps you asap.

What an underhanded way of going about things.

Unfortunately lots of people have sex at 14, I don't condone it but its not for you to judge either, its her past leave it there.

Build a Bridge get over it.

[Angryolliver]

Ok I'm going to actually be productive instead of making this guy feel like dirt for legitimate concerns. Odds are your dealing with something called sexual revulsion OCD. You suffer from a certain type of the disorder like me. It is a psychological disorder that makes mostly men like me and you obsess over things that mean nothing to the world but kill us on the inside. Usually it afflicts young responsible men who are used to being in control of their lives. Because you have zero control over her past that's all you focus on. It eats away at you until you don't even want to look at her. Sex becomes meaningless and you lose the ability to connect with her anymore. For people who've never experienced this kind of pain, they cannot understand and will call you pathetic. It is very real and very difficult to live with. Unfortunately I cannot tell you how to beat your own thoughts when I'm currently failing myself. I have a good girlfriend and am slowly pushing her away even though I know it's wrong. She been with two guys I know ( and I hated them before me and her started dating) and at least 6 others. I was a virgin when we had sex. I'm hoping that giving what your feeling a name then you'll be able to find a way to beat it and be happy. Don't let it ruin something good, and by the way who hasn't gotten drunk with their girlfriend and spilled eachothers guts to each other. This guy asked a question and wanted help he didn't ask to be judged by you guys.

[411Help]

Angry Oliver,

Good advice was presented to the OP and he may choose to take it for what it is, as you should do so as well.

You're a new member here, and already stirring up trouble?

To the OP,

The past is the past. If you're not willing to let the past go, you two will never have a future together.