[Dlaine]

I feel in deep love with a man. After falling in love I learned that he was convicted of child malstation. I was told the story from him. He told me that the storie was not true. I believed him. Year later we got married. Then to come find out he was missing around with my two daughters. When my one daughter told me in FEB I called the dective and law. Than we moved soon. Shortley after my second daughter came out and told me that my husband was missing with her. I called the law he was arrested on her charge .

I guess my question r vent is that no matter how I try to explain the sitution to any one I am made out to be the bad mom..

C.P.S. ask me if I knew of my husand history and I told the truth and said yes.. Because he did tell me . I was in love and did not believe him he told me this and that
The lawyer this and the lawyer that. And his exwife was just being hateful and put all this crud on him.
Well some people think that I invited him to hurt my daughter r gave him the OK by marring him to do the same to my daughter.
That is not true I would not let any one hurt my daughters. There is no man on this face of earth that is worth seeing the pain in my girls eyes. The storie is long so I am trying to just sum things up. My oldest has so much hate for me because I knew about him..
I have tried to explain to her that this is not her fault..
I asked her serval time if He was missing with her before we got married and she said Yes.
I told her and meant it with all my heart that if I knew He was missing with her I would have Never married him and we would have left just as fast as we did when She did tell me.
Any how I am trying to be patient with her and they r both in counsling
I am not I need to be but I can not afford all 3 of us..

My husband and I r now getting a divorce and he has been charged with serval account of cild mustlation

I need help with helping her to understand and not be angrey at me.
I try to explain to her that I guess love is blind even though I was in deep love with him does not mean I ever wanted her hurt.

If anyone has advice one how to help my daughters heal please write.

[J_9]

Are you all in counseling? If not, that's the best place to start.

[Wondergirl]

Any how I am trying to be patient with her and they r both in counsling
I am not I need to be but I can not afford all 3 of us ..

I've very sorry to hear about all these problems. This has to be breaking your heart.

Call your county or township or the reference department of your public library to find counseling that works on a sliding scale within your budget. If you can't find anyone, let me know, and I will find someone for you. (I'm a counselor.)

[Jake2008]

I am happy that your girls are in counselling; the more they work through now, the better off they will be down the road.

Be as supportive as you can, and encourage them to talk if they need to, and vent their anger without you being defensive. When your oldest girl said that he had abused her prior to marriage, you noted that had she told you, you would never have married him. To a child that is like saying there is fault with her silence, and she may feel somewhat that she is responsible for not only you marrying him, but for contributing to her own abuse, which is very far from the real truth.

When you talk to them, let them know simply that you love them, and you will do everything in your power to help them. Try not to minimize what may seem to you to be exaggerated outbursts, hateful or hurtful words of judgment to you personally, or misinterpretations of events, and who is to blame.

Right now they need honesty and consistent responses to test your loyalty only to them, and they need to, in their own way, learn how to trust you again.

The counselling will see all of you through this terrible time, but you should expect a lot of anger, which is a legitimate expression of how your girls feel, at least in the short term. To not allow them to express how they feel in an age appropriate way, is to deny their feelings and emotions, and these things need to get out.

Reasure them that you will never make the same mistake again, there will be no men in your life until your girls are taken care of no matter how long it takes, and you will protect them at any and all cost.

Keep doing what you are doing, stay the course, weather the storms, and be prepared for what is to come.

Please seek help in how to cope with this, and appropriately help your daughters. You too, need to seek assistance to work through this. All of you together, working hard and being understanding, tolerant, and non judgmental, will go a long, long way in everyone's healing.

How you take care of yourself, will directly affect how your children recover.

Eli Newberger, M.D.

[Dlaine]

I am happy that your girls are in counselling; the more they work through now, the better off they will be down the road.

Be as supportive as you can, and encourage them to talk if they need to, and vent their anger without you being defensive. When your oldest girl said that he had abused her prior to marriage, you noted that had she told you, you would never have married him. To a child that is like saying there is fault with her silence, and she may feel somewhat that she is responsible for not only you marrying him, but for contributing to her own abuse, which is very far from the real truth.

When you talk to them, let them know simply that you love them, and you will do everything in your power to help them. Try not to minimize what may seem to you to be exaggerated outbursts, hateful or hurtful words of judgment to you personally, or misinterpretations of events, and who is to blame.

Right now they need honesty and consistent responses to test your loyalty only to them, and they need to, in their own way, learn how to trust you again.

The counselling will see all of you through this terrible time, but you should expect a lot of anger, which is a legitimate expression of how your girls feel, at least in the short term. To not allow them to express how they feel in an age appropriate way, is to deny their feelings and emotions, and these things need to get out.

Reasure them that you will never make the same mistake again, there will be no men in your life until your girls are taken care of no matter how long it takes, and you will protect them at any and all cost.

Keep doing what you are doing, stay the course, weather the storms, and be prepared for what is to come.

Please seek help in how to cope with this, and appropriately help your daughters. You too, need to seek assistance to work through this. All of you together, working hard and being understanding, tolerant, and non judgmental, will go a long, long way in everyone's healing.

How you take care of yourself, will directly affect how your children recover.

Eli Newberger, M.D.

Thank you so very much for your time and advise I will sure take the advice to heart and do every thing I can do help my girls. It has been a long battle and going to be. Cause we will have to go to trail and all that.
I just hope that the girls will continue to be strong. Once again thank you again.

[Dlaine]

Are you all in counseling? If not, that's the best place to start.

The two girls r in counseling threw a program but I am not. I give up my spot so mygirls can get help. I am still trying to get in do to work and schulde.

My oldest has been trying drinking and she just told me from staying the day at girl friends today that she tried smoking pot..

I do not know if she is trying to cover her pain..

I told her I was glad she told me the truth. I am understanding to the fact she was (curesious) spelled wrong >> But It was not a road she wanted to go down.

Thank you so much for your time

[Dlaine]

I've very sorry to hear about all these problems. This has to be breaking your heart.

Call your county or township or the reference department of your public library to find counseling that works on a sliding scale within your budget. If you can't find anyone, let me know, and I will find someone for you. (I'm a counselor.)

Thank you for your help

I am going to try to see if I can find a counsler that will work with my schuldle.

The girls r going to counsler threw a program that C.P.S told me about

It seems to be helping I just not sure what the counsler going to think know that my oldest told me today she smoked weed to day

Thank you again for your help please stay in touch

[Wondergirl]

my oldest told me today she smoked weed to day

I hope you didn't over-react. Stay cool. She might want to ring your chimes. Don't let her.