[Lynda03]

My beautiful daughter now 15 was molested by my brother when she was 7. I didn't find out till a little over a year ago. About 2 years prior she had gotten really angry, started stealing, bad grades... ect, etc. I took drastic measures, had her go to youth intervention programs, stays away from home, counseling, everything I could do I did. To make a long story short after about a year her counselor told me she thought she had been molested. I was like no way, I keep my kids close. It was my brother, Mr. do good (I was the "bad" child). Once again trying to make a vary long story short, the police felt we did not have enough evidence to convict. Even thou he admitted to my parents he did it, they told me they would not say anything to the police or in court against my brother... not for 1 mistake. (Believe me I was like one ****** mistake?? Are you kiding me? ) My parents are older and not in the best of health so and I guess I didn't want to make them go thro this. Anyway, my main concern was my daughter. I had to help her get thro this. We talked a lot, cryed together even more. I have done my best to be there for her. She has come such a long way, I am so proud of her.

I told my parents that if we were to maintain any kind of relationship, my brother was dead to me. Don't speak of him in my presence. I guess my mother thought that meant only in front of me. My daughter was with my parents (without me) and someone asked how he was... my mother went on and on how good he was doing. This sent my daughter into her own private hell once again. She told me about it... I talked to my mother about it. She apologized. Things have never been the same between them. My daughter gives my mother big attitude every time she comes over. It has gotten to the point my daughter can't stand even seeing her. Of course my daughter and I have talked about this, and I have told her to direct her anger towards the one that hurt her. So now I am trying to maintain a relationship with my mother, but I don't think I can handle both. My daughter comes before anyone... no question. I have also talked to my mom about this... she does have a warped sense of what happened, at the same time she feels horrible. There is so much more to this story. I could go on for pages. I feel like I am betraying my daughter if I keep a relationship with my mother. I do however want to keep a relationship with her. I am all my daughter has though, her father is worse then an absent parent, empty promises, etc etc. I also have a meanally challenged son who is extremely close with my mother. I am so lost in this situation, any advice would be appreciated.

[rachelcuryy08]

I'm sorry to hear that I was raped by my uncle and I felt bad because I didn't know what to do.. I am 21 and I still have dreams about this man raping me I don't know what to do at night I toss and turn some night and when peopl mention his name I think back on it.but I will say to you to put her in counceling to help her over come it this is a hard battle for her if don't no one know I know. At this point you might want to let her know you love her and as for your brother I will for give him but I wouldn't have much to say but hey and bye. I think you should talk to your mother and all but when it come to your brother I wouldn't have much to say.and as your mother I think she should look at it as if it happen to one of her children how would she handle it? I think your chil has the right to not want to talk to her just keep her head up and just be with the one's she know love her but once again she want to fell love at this point thsta how I was.

[Lynda03]

I am so sorry to hear that you went and are going thro that. My heart goes out to you. I do still have her in counseling, never stopped. I don't see me ever forgiving my brother. I don't think I have it in me. My main concern is my daughter. I just want to do what's right by her. I want her to be the best she can be, and help anyway I can. Being a victim yrself.. if there is anything else you want to add as to what I can do for her, please do. Thank you for your response, I truly do appreicate it. God Bless you.

[Rich11111]

im sorry to hear that i was raped by my uncle and i felt bad becuase i didnt know what to do..I am 21 and i still have dreams about this man raping me i dont know what to do at night i toss and turn some night and when peopl mention his name i think back on it.but i will say to you to put her in counceling to help her over come it this is a hard battle for her if dont no one know i know. at this point you might want to let her know you love her and as for your brother i will for give him but i wouldnt have much to say but hey and bye. i think you should talk to your mother and all but when it come to your brother I wouldnt have much to say.and as your mother i think she should look at it as if it happen to one of her children how would she handle it? i think your chil has the right to not want to talk to her just keep her head up and just be with the one's she know love her but once again she want to fell love at this point thsta how i was.

Whilst I am sorry for what happened to you I have to ask, Are you serious? She put the most precious thing she had, her daughter, in the hand of her brother, someone she should have been able to trust completely, and he molested her daughter and left her severely traumatized. He betrayed her in one of the worst possible ways and you think he should be forgiven. No way. Have you forgiven your Uncle?

Lynda03, As for the mother, how did she know your brother was "doing well." Whilst I don't at all agree with her not standing up in court I can understand why, but if she is maintaining a good relationship with him after what's happened then that is not at all acceptable.
You told your daughter to direct her anger to the person that hurt her, but it seems that by having a relationship with your mother You are one of the people hurting her.
I understand wanting to have a relationship with your mother but after what's happened are you willing to risk the chance of your daughter resenting you now and later in life because of it.

[Lynda03]

This has just all came to the surface in the last week, my mom and my daughter were doing OK before that. And Believe that if I have to cut ties with my mother to protect my daughter there isn't even a question. My daughter however is very close with my father. My father feels the same way my mother does and yes they both continue to have a realationship with the molester. They are in pain over this as well. Choosing to handle it whatever way they want. That is out of my control. I asked my daughter how she could feel diferently about my mom and dad even though they felt the same... She looked me dead in the eyes and said, he never talks about uncle mark... the only thing he has ever said to me about it was that if I ever needed to talk about him, that he would be there. Where as my mom doesn't think about what she says or who she says it in front of (always has been that way) When I did bring it to her attention, she felt bad and tried to apologize, but my daughter isn't trying to hear that. It's just a mess.