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lmmcc · May 26, 2010, 10:51 AM

Ok so me and my friend, a girl who won't be named for obvious reasons have been friends for nearly 7 years since the start of secondary school and throughout that time she's known that I like her. The whole time I've always been happy to just be friends because that's what she seems to have wanted the whole time. Recently however, after I brought my feelings up one night, she admitted that she likes me as well but she isn't sure whether she wants to go ahead with anything because she's scared that if things don't work out then our friendship might suffer. I'm not scared of that because I'm that committed to her whether the sexualness is there or not but I'm not sure if I should just outright ask her out or to just let her decide. Any advice would be very helpful.

I wish · May 26, 2010, 11:51 AM

7 years of friendship can't be ruined so easily. If anything, it should be easier to you two to be friends now that the truth is out. Once the truth is out, the tension will go down.

However, if you really do want a romantic relationship with her, then be clear about your feelings and intentions. Once she's aware, the ball will be on her side of the court to decide what to do next.

Be confident about your feelings. If you tell her that you want more, but you're OK with less, then your uncertainty will defintely turn her off and away, even if she feels the same way. So be clear and precise. Be confident.

suhari · May 26, 2010, 11:53 AM

Describe your feelings during this to him. That you love her. Give her a few days to think "if it started a relationship which is more than just friends with you". Reassure him with his decision not to fear, say to him "Follow your heart!" Whatever decision you have to appreciate it. If she accepts you then that's good and you just need to continue this relationship. But if he decides to prefer the friendship then you must be strong and patient. Maybe it was the best decision for your relationship with your girlfriends.

Homegirl 50 · May 26, 2010, 11:58 AM

Originally Posted by lmmcc

Ok so me and my friend, a girl who won't be named for obvious reasons have been friends for nearly 7 years since the start of secondary school and throughout that time she's known that I like her. The whole time I've always been happy to just be friends because that's what she seems to have wanted the whole time. Recently however, after I brought my feelings up one night, she admitted that she likes me as well but she isn't sure whether she wants to go ahead with anything because she's scared that if things don't work out then our friendship might suffer. I'm not scared of that because I'm that committed to her whether the sexualness is there or not but I'm not sure if I should just outright ask her out or to just let her decide. Any advice would be very helpful.

She has already told you what she feels about this, but if you want to ask her out anyway, go ahead but keep it casual. Let her make a move if she wants to.

lmmcc · May 26, 2010, 01:44 PM

Thanks guys, I think I knew that being clear was the way to go but it's always nice to hear it from a third-party so the advice is much appreciated. One other problem though, we usually only see each other with a small groups of almost equally close friends and because we all have revision for exams I can't really ask to go out somewhere at the moment and the next possible time is, fantasies of all fantasies, on my 18th so how would I get to talk to her alone without it being in a situation where we're both likely to be drunk? I don't really want the alcohol to get in the way of whether everything said is meant or not.

I wish · May 26, 2010, 01:50 PM

Just call her and set up a time to meet up so that you can talk privately.

Homegirl 50 · May 26, 2010, 02:01 PM

You don't want to mix that with alcohol.
Give her a call and talk to her or wait until after the party.

talaniman · May 27, 2010, 06:47 AM

She knows how you feel now, and she is certainly interested, but hesitates. Simply ask her out just the two of you, and if she accepts, good, you can go from there, BUT if she declines, don't press it, and carry on the way you have been.

If its meant to be it will, without force, or pressure from you, for more than she WANTS to give. Why lose a good friendship because there is no romance. Its not unusual at all to have a crush on a long time friend, just don't get carried away, because just because your friends doesn't mean you will be good romantic partners, especially at such a young age.

Be sensitive to her feelings, and what she has told you. So don't push, or beg, if she prefers things the way they are.