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ava123 · May 23, 2010, 02:07 PM

What is best for my daughter. My daughter is three years old. When she was six months old I voluntarily gave her to my parents because I felt I was unstable and they could provide better envrioment until I got it together temporarily. I took her back 2 weeks ago and wanted to know what was in the best interest of my daughter. She misses her grandparents but it seems to be disruptive whrn I put her on the phone with them.my parents want to take her overnight. Will it confuse my daughter? What is healthy when intergrating her into my house. What should the relationship be with my daughter and the grandparents that have been raising her?

Alty · May 23, 2010, 02:13 PM

To your daughter her grandparents are her parents. They have raised her so far. Of course she misses them.

I don't think there's an easy way to integrate her into your home and I'm not a psychologist but I would do it as slowly as possible. By all means let her see her grandparents, let her stay over but be clear from the start with her and your parents, that you are the mom and they are the grandparents.

That's what I would do. I don't know if it will be confusing to her. I think it would be more confusing if you just cut all ties between them, but again, I'm not a psychologist.

Have you considered counseling with a child psychologist? I think that would be a huge step in helping both of you to get accustomed to the new arrangement.

Kitkat22 · May 23, 2010, 02:40 PM

I don't think it's right for you to
Keep your daughter away from her grandparents. Their hearts must be broken.

Your little girl is missing them. They are the only stability she has ever known and they raised her up to this point.

How could you even think about keeping her away from them? I think it's cruel of you to do so.

Are you married? Do you plan on keeping her way from them forever? There are laws for grandparents allowing them to see her. I hope they know that!

Jake2008 · May 23, 2010, 02:48 PM

During the 2 1/2 years your daughter was with your parents, were you in the picture at all? If you were regularly in her life, that will make a difference in what I can advise you to do.

Also, are you on your own, or do you have a live in boyfriend, or husband now?

What were the circumstances, and how was your daughter prepared to go back with you.

Alty · May 23, 2010, 02:49 PM

Kit, I don't think the OP intends to keep them away. I really think she's trying to figure out what's best for her daughter.

I commend her for getting her life together, for doing what's right for her child. She knew that she wasn't capable of caring for her when she was born, and she did the right thing. She's once again doing the right thing by taking on her responsibility. There's no easy answer here. No right or wrong. At least that's my take on it.

The child has been in her home for 2 weeks, after spending almost 3 years in the care of her grandparents. It's not going to be an easy adjustment and I really don't think there's a clear cut way to do this. It's trial and error, going with your gut, doing what's best for the child to make this transition as smooth as possible.

I really think professional help is needed in this, not only for the child, but for the mother and the grandparents. They all need to work together because all of them have an interest in this child.

Really, this child is so very lucky. She has a mother that obviously cares about her well being, and she has grandparents that feel the same way. If everyone works together, this child has no where to go but up.

That's my take on it. But I have no idea how to go about this the right way, if there even is a "right way".

Therapy. That's my recommendation.

All I can do, all any of us can do, is wish the OP the best of luck and hope that she finds the help needed. I also hope she comes back. Sometimes talking to strangers is far easier then talking to people face to face.

Fr_Chuck · May 23, 2010, 03:35 PM

I am wondering how the process of moving her to the mother happened. It should have been visits to mom, a over night every week or so and built up to more over a several month period.

If mom just went in and said, guess what you are coming home with me, that was the bad thing for the child.

The grandparents are in the child's mind, the mommy and daddy so to speak. ** and she will not understand why she can't be with them

Kitkat22 · May 23, 2010, 06:20 PM

Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck

I am wondering how the process of moving her to the mother happened. It should have been visits to mom, a over night every week or so and built up to more over a several month period.

If mom just went in and said, guess what you are coming home with me, that was the bad thing for the child.

The grandparents are in the childs mind, the mommy and daddy so to speak. ** and she will not understand why she can't be with them

The grandparents are in the child's mind. I'm just wondering how long you were away before you came and took the little girl? How often did you visit? Was she prepared for this and were your parents expecting it? So many things you haven't told us.:confused: