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kamygould · Apr 15, 2010, 08:48 AM

My BF and I have been together 10 months, his children are 23/ 25 respectively, both girls, He told them in Dec. we were going on vacation together, and his one dtr put restrictions on some local establishments we can not go to because she doesn't want to "run into us". They never discuss me, he doesn't broach the subject either. I feel like I am not important to him in this area because he doesn't validate our relationship with them. He often talks to me about them and what is going on in their lives, but he doesn't get to share any of our actiivties with them. Now one dtr is pregnant and I will have to listen to the journey but not be a part of it. I am feeling frustrated by this but I realize it is a sensitve issue. The ex is very close to the girls, and I don't think is moving on. She still lives in the shared house as does the youngest dtr, until it sells( has been on the market for a yr). Do I share my frustration with him? He doesn't want any conflict with the ex or dtrs.

amicon · Apr 15, 2010, 10:21 AM

How long had he been single when you met?
Are you sure he has healed from his divorce?

As for your concerns,you should talk to him about how you feel,no point brushing things under the carpet.

mudweiser · Apr 15, 2010, 10:28 AM

What does his ex have anything to do with it? His daughters are adults now, he doesn't have to run it by their mother.

I would go with amicon's advice, and that is to talk to your boyfriend about this. Don't be confrontational, that gets you nowhere.

Good luck!

hheath541 · Apr 15, 2010, 11:06 AM

It's very possible that they just don't want to meet you. I'm not trying to be harsh, but it's true.

I'm guessing their parents were married for most of their lives. Even if he's been divorced for 5/+ years, it's still new to them. They already have a mom, and don't want a step-mom. If you're the first person he'd had a serious relationship with since the divorce, it'll be even harder for them to accept.

talaniman · Apr 15, 2010, 06:26 PM

I think 10 months is way to soon to be sharing his personal life so close. I think you tell him to chill on that, and you stop expecting it to happen at this time.

Now later after things are a lot more serious, and stable it might be different, but not now. He ain't ready, nor are his daughters.

Fr_Chuck · Apr 15, 2010, 07:50 PM

He is making choices as to who and what is more important to him.

And did you say, that he and his ex still live in a "shared house" with his adult daughter?

kamygould · Apr 20, 2010, 11:31 AM

I guess I need to clarify, his ex and one dtr live in the house they still mutually own, and is up for sale, He has been in an apt for 2 years. Lots of great advise and I agree with all of it! Thanks!

Update, he brought it up that he thought it was time to broach the subject. I told him that he needed a reason too, not to just do it. I still don't think the dtrs are receptive so why push it! Thanks for all the great advise!

hheath541 · Apr 20, 2010, 11:38 AM

So the divorce is only a couple years old? No WONDER they don't want to meet you. As far as his daughters are concerned, he's moving on too fast and you're the strumpet that stole their dad.

Give them time, and leave the timeline up wi them. If you try to force yourself into their lives, then they'll never like you.