[Appeal18]

Hey everyone. Wow where to start. Began seeing my ex October 2008, lasted until December 2009. During this period, we had 3 quarters of it, were perfect. She ended it twice however, stating it on arguments etc. It was around November 2009, when things got really bad. We'd argue constantly, not fix anything and brush it under the carpet, each argument would get worse, we'd constantly break up for all of an hour. It was like we were using breaking up as a last resort, and we were using it very frequently. Christmas passed, and on December 30th 2009. We had a massive argument, she broke up with me, stating "the arguments were too much and i spoke to her badly" the latter not being true. Anyway, I did the usual begging etc, but then start no contact. After 2 months, she came back, in February. We decided to give it another go, and she said she missed me so much, couldn't sleep, and that we needed a break up. We spent a month together. Feb 2010 - early March 2010. Until last week, when we started to argue again. So I constantly told her, "lets sort things out", she wouldn't listen. So one night, she said "whats the point in us when we're like this." So I got my stuff and left, said it's over, until we fix things and change for the better. She begged me all night for another chance, to which I kept replying. "No only if we change things, it's bad for us." Anyway, she did apologize, but I said "how do i know they're not deseperate empty sorries?" She told me how much she loved me. However this was at 2am in the morning and I fell asleep. Woke up to a text message at 9am saying "I'm blocking your number , i can't do this anymore, take care."

I text her saying, let's talk. However, she blocked me on msn, ignored me completely, and we're not friends on Facebook. She told her friends, "i only got back with her to finish her, arguing constantly, and she couldn't cope." So I did start getting desperate, but she ignored me, and like she did in December, told me it's for good. My friend got involved without me knowing, she told him "she doesn't want to get walked all over and it's the second time it's happened."

She text me telling me to get my friends to back off as she's going through a rough time. I said "He's looking out for me, i got the hint you don't want me, so i won't bother you." I had already emailed her stating that I never got back with her to finish her, and made my feelings clear, how I love her etc.

Now I haven't spoke to her in a few days, and I'm intending to go back into no contact. I really want her back. I apologised for my actions, and explained them, but now I'm back to feeling extremely down.

[amicon]

You never learnt how to communicate,and chose breaking up,then making up and enjoying 'honeymoon periods' until the bubble burst again.

Sorry,but I think you close the book on this.

NC is your best option,as in onehundred %-no calling texting emailing-nor replying to any of the same.

Sometimes we just have to give up and let it go.

[Romefalls19]

You two seem too toxic and immature for a long term relationship. You both need to stay away from each other. Simply breaking up for a month or so and getting back together isn't going to solve your problems

[Appeal18]

Understand that, I'd always try and get things fixed instead of "sweeping it under the carpet." Because like last time, things would build up again. We'd work things out in the beginning, but things started to go off course, as in not working it out.

She began not listening to me, accusing me of wanting to be with other people, to which I had to deny quite a few times. She'd throw things in my face, and it just got to the point where I had to push myself to an extreme to get her to realise. Sadly it went from her begging to be back with me, to not wanting anything to do with me in a matter of 6 hours.

[Devorameira]

This doesn't sound like an enjoyable relationship to be in. Actually like no fun at all!

It's obvious that there are major communication issues. Without communication there can't be a healthy relationship.

Since it's been happening continually, I would say it's time to move on. This relationship just isn't worth your time and effort.

[myagony1234]

Friend,
It is very clear that this relationship is not working, and you guys are miserable.
You guys are not compatible, and not right for each other!
That is the real issue, and nothing else.

Why on earth do you want to go back to where it was, and continue to argue?
Are you sarcastic, and feel pleasure by spending every single bit of your energy for fighting?

You have consumed all your energy for this fighting (not relationship).
Now it is stopped, and you feel empty because it is too quite for you. It is not love. Your relationship turned out to be a very bad habit, which is combination of anger, make up sex, and extensive argument with apposite sex somehow.

You better stop this cycle completely now, since you already broke off.
Otherwise, you will continue this miserable relationship for another year or so, and broke off finally.

We are in relationship to be happy, not to be miserable. Right?

[talaniman]

You will be happier leaving her alone. Forever.

[the_original]

I agree with the other posters, every couple has their fights but judging by the amount you two had that would be a toxic relationship. There's only so many times you can try and fix things. I would just work on improving yourself by taking a look at what started te arguments and making sure you don't make the same mistakes whenever you find someone else. Take care and good luck

[Appeal18]

Hey guys thanks for your replies!

I do agree, that we had far too many arguments. I'm not saying I'm perfect, or claiming it's not me. But we knew it was her temper, that caused the majority of the arguments. She'd flip a lot, sometimes slam doors etc. She'd put me in an impossible position whereby telling me to leave, if I did she'd label me a "coward" if I stayed, (which I always did until are second start of the relationship) she'd get more aggressive, than calm down.

Sometimes the arguments were just for a disagreement on things, but I always calmed down and allow her the last word. See, she had all the power in the relationship. Lately I tried just leveling the playing field, then we broke up. But I've already explained the main circumstances of why we broke up again, above.

I'm a patient person, and I always allowed her the last words, and have everything she wanted. I'd try to shy away from arguments, but just sometimes it just couldn't be prevented.

Again, thanks for the replies!

[amicon]

So now you can reclaim your own power and get on with living your own life.

Good luck and take care.

[Appeal18]

Threads merged.

Hey, already posted on these forums. 3 weeks since me and my ex broke off, for the second time. First being Dec, until Feb this year. Now it's happened again. Anyway I've stuck to NC, wanting to get her back, but realising I need to get into the right frame of mind to move on.

Okay, 2 and half weeks of NC. I went to town last night, got really really drunk, and ended up getting with 2 girls. I regret a lot. My ex found out, and flipped. Apparently she's giving up... but didn't she do that when we broke up 3 weeks ago? Confusing right.

Anyway, we're not friends on Facebook, however, she unblocked me on Facebook, following finding out. Didn't say a word, was upset, and just played all our songs. Like there's an option to allow someone to view what you're listening too, which she NEVER uses, but did today. A lot of lovey songs etc.

Anyway, we still haven't spoke for a few weeks, and I'm really confused/baffled by all this. Any suggestions? Thanks in advance for replies.

[talaniman]

Its not confusing at all. She is voicing her displeasure. So what? When you break up you owe her no explanation, but what's confusing is how she found out about your escapade?

Seems she still has a lot of power over you. I wouldn't give a rats patoot about what she thinks. She dumped you remember? Keep NC, and keep moving on. She is just trying to stop you from healing properly. Stay off the Facebook, and you wouldn't be confused, or guilty.

[amicon]

It doesn't matter what she thinks,nor does it matter what little games she tries to play.

Keep your NC and stay away from fb.

Concentrate on you and healing from your breakup.

[Appeal18]

Hey, thanks for the replies man!

She's very confusing at the minute, giving mixed signals, she apparently doesn't care anymore, then she gets all "lovey" kind of. We ain't spoke, but I'm unblocked on msn etc.

I've been so tempted to make contact, but even though in a ideal world I'd like her back, contacting would do little but probably damage, and it's too big of a risk. I'm starting to feel that bit better, things are loosening off, and slowly I'm getting there. Albeit her playing what it seems games, I'm not going to get involved in it.

[amicon]

Ignore her completely-ignore the mindgames and keep healing.

NC all the way.

[Appeal18]

Which I'm doing my best to do. It's her birthday next week, I think I'll send her a happy birthday with no intention of sparking any conversation or getting anything back. NC will stay afterwards, and I will not intiate any contact with her at all.

That doesn't mean to say she can't contacts me, but if she did, I don't know how I'll react, I'll probably be dismissive, as I'm beginning to feel a bit better about everything now.

Again thanks for the reply :)

[talaniman]

You'll be back with questions like they all do after breaking NC for a holiday/birthday greeting.

[Appeal18]

Hey, I suppose. However what's interesting is that I'm being viewed as the dumper, and her the dumpee. As it all started when I told her, we're going to need a break because things are going back to old routines, if we don't promise to make things work/fix things, then its over. Because the week building up the break up we argued a lot. Anyway, she begged for me back, I was brutual in saying no, and always said, its not for good, only until we decide to fix things, instead of watching the relationship fail. Anyway the next day she wanted nothing to do with me, didn't want to be walked all over. And that's where things ended up. Me being viewed as the dumper, I don't know if that has any bearing, especially in terms of NC?

[amicon]

NC is no contact-at all-no texts,phonecalls or -birthday cards!

It doesn't matter if you're technically the dumper.no contact is for your own healing.

None of the problems you had were ever resolved through communicating honestly with each other,hence the breakup.

Stick to real no contact.

[talaniman]

When couple rather fuss and argue than solve issues, that's a sure sign of not being able to communicate honestly.

Then it's a waste of time and effort, so do your own thing and let her do hers.