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Mr.Brown707 · Mar 19, 2010, 11:16 PM

Multiple threads merged

Fair warning: Please stop creating new threads, please keep all questions regarding the same issue in the same thread

Here's the story: Ive been dating this girl named monica. We broke up a few times in the beginning and then I had to move but we kept dating. So I'm in a long distant relationship and for the past year everything has been great. We were making plans to get our own place together and get married, kids, the works. Then one day we were making plans for me to come down and see her during spring break, but it turns out I had to work so I could only come down for a few days not 9 or 10 days. But I talked to my boss and he said it would be fine to go down for 10 days. So everything was fine again. But ever since then she has been getting more and more distant from me. Nothing has changed but she ignoring me and she's even flirting with guys in chat rooms online (this happened once and she told me because she knew she made a mistake, so I forgave her). But its still going downhill, she's saying she doesn't know if she sees me in her future anymore and she doesn't talk to me anymore. What happened?
I thought she was 'the one'. I love her but now I don't know what I feel. How can I continue to love someone who doesn't love me? Will she change? Will this get better? Do I need to finally let her go? Now she doesn't even care if I'm happy or not, she's different. What do I do?

Im in a long distance relationship that is hanging by its last thread and Im 99% sure its already over. For the past week, while my long distance relationship is ending, Ive been hanging out with this girl. We have so much in common and we make each other laugh and... she has a boyfriend. Her boyfriend is a . He ignores her, calls her stupid, tells her to shut up. Its pissing me off. I hate it when guys treat girls like crap. This guy is her first real boyfriend, first kiss, so naturally, she's really attached to him. And the terrible thing is, I'm falling for her. She needs to open her eyes and see her boyfriend for what he is. How do I help her escape from a bad relationship? I just don't want to see her end up as miserable as I am in my long distance relationship.

Showme_urmove · Mar 20, 2010, 01:49 AM

Sorry bro, you can't make someone love you, and you can't change how they feel about you.its hard to work on a relationship if you're the only one doing it. Take your loss and start a new life in that new town.

We were making plans to get our own place together and get married, kids, the works.

all that are just words don't hang on them like a monkey hanging on a tree. Look at the actions she is doing, and that would make you decide on what you should do, talk is cheap action is what proves it. Do NO CONTACT that's what I am doing right now it will help you to heal.

amicon · Mar 20, 2010, 05:49 AM

She won't talk to you,she is indifferent-sorry,but accept that its over.

Time to go no contact and start healing.

Read the stickies at the top of the relationship page for more advice on how to handle a breakup.

Irishgirl · Mar 20, 2010, 06:08 AM

Sounds like the space distance wise has cause space relationship wise as well. Sounds like she's moved on, don't let her make a fool out of you by keeping you stringing along, cut the cord you'll feel better and stronger for doing it eventually

pandead · Mar 20, 2010, 09:56 AM

Why don't you end your relationship before you "fall for" another girl? If you are officially with someone you should help yourself before helping her.

I'm sorry if it sounds harsh and maybe I'm not objective about this, but after you're oficially single, there's nothing you can really do besides being the best you can and let her compare. I'm sure she's not stupid and if you're really worth it you will end up together. Just don't involve your current girlfriend in it.

amicon · Mar 20, 2010, 10:06 AM

She has a boyfriend=off limits.

You're still not officially broken up with your gf-so sort that out before you start looking for a' replacement',which you shouldn't be doing until you have healed from your possible breakup.

pandead · Mar 20, 2010, 10:27 AM

Originally Posted by amicon

She has a boyfriend=off limits.

You're still not officially broken up with your gf-so sort that out before you start looking for a' replacement',which you shouldnt be doing until you have healed from your possible breakup.

I wanted to agree but looks like I agreed too much with you recently :P

Dear MrBrown, I see you posted this morning about your current girlfriend... maybe if you merge the posts (at least in your head) that would help?

amicon · Mar 20, 2010, 10:31 AM

Ditto,re rep panda-good point-the threads will probably be merged on the board,as well.. .

Mr.Brown707 · Mar 20, 2010, 01:15 PM

Oh no. These problems are definitely merged in my head but I just post them one at a time to get responses to the individual problems. If I try to tackle the problem as a whole then my head will just explode. You guys have helped though. Thank you:)

talaniman · Mar 20, 2010, 03:05 PM

Your threads were merged for the entire story, because they are related. You are at the end of a failing relationship, and are getting attached to someone in a bad relationship.

Two hurt people who lean on each other may help in the short run, as friends, but both of you need to handle your own business, and then go through the healing process before you let need for mutual support get you carried away. Being a friend is one thing, but doing it for more while she is vulnerable for support, is not honest, or genuine.

Don't think healing after a break up is not important, it absolutely is. Without it, you cannot get a clean, fresh start, and the baggage from the past will haunt you. Healing takes time so the best help you can give her is being a friend and a support, but not waiting in the wings for something more.

I also have to caution you about seeing her need for friendship and support as something deeper than what it is. I know she distracts you from your misery, but you have to recognize she is hurting, and you distract her from her misery, but if she is falling for you, don't do it. You will only be a rebound, a temporary band aid that will change when she does make a decision about her situation, and change again, when she has healed, and gotten her emotional strength back, and no longer needs to lean on you.

I suggest you solve your own problems without her influence, and the same goes for her.

Kitkat22 · Mar 20, 2010, 03:11 PM

I have to agree with these post. Long distance relationships are very hard to maintain. Hope everything turns out well! Why are you with a girl who has a boyfriend!

Mr.Brown707 · Mar 20, 2010, 09:16 PM

Wow. I guess I never saw it that way. Thank you

Kitkat22 · Mar 20, 2010, 09:38 PM

Originally Posted by Mr.Brown707

wow. i guess i never saw it that way. thank you

You seem like a very nice young man. Someone will come into your life someday and you'll know it. Take it easy and enjoy being young. Good Luck:)

vanheart · Mar 20, 2010, 10:02 PM

Yeah man.
Breaking up in the beginning, then long distance.

Not a good recipe.

Sounds like you are the one that wanted it. Not her.

Good lesson to move on.

This isn't a loss or a waste. Just a learning experience that you will hopefully use later in being aware. What's right and what works.

Mr.Brown707 · Mar 21, 2010, 12:51 AM

Threads merged again

This girl I've been dating long distance for 3 and a half years has suddenly lost all interest in me. She won't say she loves me, she doesn't talk to me, and she even cheated on me. I talked to her and we mutually broke up. She said she doesn't feel the same way about me anymore so we ended it. Not even 2 hours later she is crying and saying she wants me back. We've broken up a few times in the beginning of our relationship but this is the worst time. Im spent and I can't take anymore of this back forth. Is it time I give up on this goose chase?

Threads merged yet again

I broke up with my girlfriend for the final time because of all the lying she does. Its not good for any relationship and I'm tired of it. Now she's telling me she wants me back even though this breakup was her idea. I don't want her back this time. Im done getting hurt. But I don't want to hurt her. I just want to say no and I want her to understand that there is no future for us... but nicely, if possible.

amicon · Mar 21, 2010, 01:00 AM

First of all,there is no need to start a new thread,just add to your previous one.

As for your relationship why
Go around in circles?

It seems its not working so stay broken up,heal and move on.

Showme_urmove · Mar 21, 2010, 01:26 AM

She won't say she loves me, she doesn't talk to me, and she even cheated on me.

Dude that all you need to stop chasing on a cheating goose. Its long distant LONG DISTANT, find a girl that lives where you live. You did your best and it didn't work.

This girl I've been dating long distance for 3 and a half years has suddenly lost all interest in me

Lets say if you guys do get back together how long till she feels that again and there you go, all the time you had put in the relationship all the emotion you had given it will put you back to where you are now. Its not worth it, just move on and find your own happiness. You don't need her, just move on and start doing NO CONTACT.

Im done getting hurt. But I don't want to hurt her.

DuDe you don't want to hurt her, but its OK for her to hurt you, come on man re read what you wrote, you should be. Who cares if she gets hurt, you should be happy she is getting hurt, for all the time that she hurt you. Its your turn to be happy, your turn to have a smile in your face, and its finally her time to be sad and depress. Move on if she can lie about things now imagine when you guys gets married.

Now she's telling me she wants me back even though this breakup was her idea.

so your saying she lies, hurts you, lie to you again and again, broke up with you and you don't want to hurt her. Im not trying to sound rude but dude she's playing you. Do NO CONTACT cause you can't change a person if they don't want to be help. If you guys do get back it would be the same thing, save yourself lots of heart ache and tears and do no contact, ignore her and just let her be one of your memories.

I just want to say no and I want her to understand that there is no future for us... but nicely, if possible.

Dude she BROKE UP WITH YOU. Ignore how hard is that she will start realizing what's going on. Good luck and don't be a nice guy anymore, cause nice people always finish last.

I wish · Mar 21, 2010, 04:34 AM

One issue can have multiple questions.
Your issue: Breaking up with a your gf
Your questions: Regarding the break up with your gf
Conclusion: Threads merged

Do you really want to get back together just so that you can break up again?

If you can't fix the problems that break you up each time, then things will only blow up again and again. Is that the type of relationship you want?

Kitkat22 · Mar 21, 2010, 11:36 AM

If you are waiting for someone to tell you what you want to hear instead of what you need to hear, you are barking up the wrong tree.

What part of "leave her alone "do you not understand?

If you want to get pulled down into the mud again, take her back and let her call the shots.

If you want to grow up and be the man I think you could be "LEAVE HER ALONE".

Mr.Brown707 · Mar 21, 2010, 11:19 PM

Sorry about the multiple threads. I didn't know you can add to a previous one. You guys are right though, I shouldn't be as caring to her feelings when she hasn't cared for mine. Ill just have to give her that final push and let her know I'm moving on without her.