[Bluerose]

I’m curious about PM. J_9 got one and posted it to the board. Other boards I have been on PM is private. I’m a little uncomfortable with the thought that if I PM someone it might be thrown onto the board. Where do we stand on PM? Are there some rules I should have read about PM?

[valinors_sorrow]

I hold the belief that PM's are private and would require asking permission to share them in any manner, publicly or with other PM'ers--- I mean if they aren't meant for behind the scenes then what the heck is it there for? But I am also aware that others don't agree with this so as a result, I don't PM some folks. I don't think there is a rule on it anywhere Bluerose other than a common sense one that says ask each person before PMing anything sensitive?

Occasionally I get one from someone out of the blue and in keeping with the spirit of this site, I ask that those be posted to the boards. I've only had one decline. They are mostly about addictions or relationships.

But sometimes there is a need for a little private chat. When I have seen someone do something that concerned me, I PM'd it since it would be too embarrassing public, I think. And sometimes people want further clarification that is too sensitive in nature or would not add to the public discourse, so I accept those as legitimately private too. Additionally, friendships form here and those chat in PM routinely.

[Allheart]

I saw that one myself BlueRose and felt very uneasy myself, and a bit surprised but then I thought that perhaps permission was requested prior to posting.

I am of the belief that PM's are just that Private. Pretty new to this as well, so I am going to be cautious about PM's.

[J_9]

This particular PM I could not answer and it was through permission of the person who sent it to me that I posted it on the board. Typically, I too keep my PMs private even though it goes against the grain of the site. However, I ALWAYS ask the person I got the PM from to post it on the board or if I have permission to post it in the appropriate category. If they perfer me to answer in private, I will do that.

However, please refer to this announcement.

[Roel Zylstra]

The public topics are for questions to the experts. Most experts post questions that they receive via PM to the appropriate topic so that others can benefit from their advice.

That being said, if you originally asked a question via PM, which you did not want public, you can ask a moderator to remove the question. It may not get answered, but it will be removed.

If you need an answer to a private or more detailed question you may pay an Expert via Paypal, then call the Expert via Skype. You may find the Expert's per minute rate, Paypal button, and Skype contact info on his or her Profile page.

[J_9]

I see the point here. But please all understand I do not use skype, or do not charge at all. I only subscribe to Paypal in the instance I save a poster money from not having to go to a doctor and they only wish to "tip" for lack of a better word.

The question I posted that was a PM to me I felt that I was unable to answer effectively and felt that she would get a good number of appropriate responses if it were posted on the site. I am not a relationship expert and this was a relationship question.

I will, however, answer questions via PM if the question is within my realm of expertise.

[ScottGem]

I've spoken about this before. PMs should be only used for correspondence of a personal nature. Questions should never be asked via PM and should either be posted to the board or the asker encouraged to post publicly.

While there may be an implied expectation of privacy, the fact is that any received mail, whether it be snail mail, E-mail, IMs etc. is the property of the recipient. The recipient can do with the mail whatever they choose to do. That being said, I think it is incumbent on the recipient to exercise discretion before making any PMs public. Clearly there are times when it would be embarrassing to the sender to make a private message public. Other times, the only reason a note was sent privately was because the sender didn't understand the usage. Other times, there is clearly no reason to have asled privately and there should be no problem in replying publicly.

I have participated on many forums like this one over the past 20 years. Without exception PMs were frowned on to downright prohibited by the operators and/or the regulars.

There are a few reasons PMs are not good for questions. 1) The expert may not have the answer. By posting publicly you get a better chance of getting the best advice. 2) Speed. If you PM you have to wait for that expert to log in and respond. If you shotgun several experts you don't get the benefit of a coordinated response. 3) Peer review. We all make mistakes. If you make one privately, our peers will not be able to correct that mistake which could cause harm to the asker.

That last reason is why questions asked privately should e answered publicly, unless there is a very clear need to keep it private.

One thing that should be avoided is ANY expert making an offer to respond via PMs for follow-up or future questions. I recently, PMed someone a polite suggestion after spotting such an offer.

At least that is my opinion on the use of PMs. Those are the guidelines I follow.

[Bluerose]

valinors_sorrow,

I agree with you, PM should be for personal and private use, at least that's what I was led to believe. I have also received a few 'cold calls' (PM) but I just answer them or direct them to a web page that might help. I think we should try to get everyone on the same page - agreeing that PM are for personal and private use. Asking permission to share or to post is acceptable though. What do you think, people?

[Bluerose]

Allheart,

"I am of the belief that PM's are just that Private. Pretty new to this as well, so I am going to be cautious about PM's."

See. This is what we don't want. Can someone post some rules if there aren't any? Looks like I'm not the only one needing to be put at ease on this subject.

[Bluerose]

J_9,

Sorry hope I haven't opened a can of worms. It was just an enquiry to clarify things. I think having permission is the way to go. I think too, that some of us just need a little reassurance that it isn't common policy to post PMs.

[Skell]

Hasn't the above posts made it quite clear on the use of PM's bluerose?

I haven't been here all that long but this is the first time I have seen a PM posted by someone else on the public boards. And as J_9 has clearly stated she asked permission before doing it so there was no problem.

From what I have seen there has never been a problem with PM's remaining private in the past, and there is no reason why this will change.

This was a one off with permission on the person asking the question.

You have no worries bluerose as to having your PM's posted on the public boards. It won't happen.

No rules are needed. People have followed what Scott has stated above for as long as I have been here and I'm sure they will continue to do so!

If it isn't broke don't fix it!

[Bluerose]

ScottGem,

That's cleared it up for me. Thank you.

[Skell]

Scotts post above is pretty much the common theme amongst member here in regards to PM's.

No need at all to apologise bluerose as it is always good to seek clarification and clear things up in my opinion. And I'm sure we all appreciate a reminder on ethical behavior here at AMHD every now and then!

[Bluerose]

Skell,

Yes they have, thank you. Sorry, I was answering each post as I read it. I eventually got to Scott's and it has completely reassured me of the use of PMs.

[labman]

It is my policy to never post anything to the net that I might be embarrassed to have publicly known. If I am going to insult somebody, I make every effort to see to it that they know it. I am also a little paranoid, note my location, Northern USA. I only admit that because in some cases having lived through many winters has a bearing on my credibility on some answers.

In the last 24 hours I posted one PM and one email question to the dog forum. I chose not to embarrass the member that sent me an email about using Outlook. It is also my policy to keep my mouth shut about stuff I know nothing about.

J_9 added to the discussion by stating she did ask permission.

Scott makes a good point about peer review. The solution I am hoping to find on a current electrical problem I have may not exist. In search of more ideas, I have been looking at other sites. On one I won't identify, you choose your expert and send them the question. I shotgunned 3. 2 answers were polite but added little. The third suggested I was going to unnecessary trouble and a dangerous code violation instead. An answer like that here would have everyone else screaming. If I didn't know better, I could get into a big mess with nobody else to guide me there. Bad advice can cause terrible problems in home maintenance, dogs, computers, and relationships.

PM or email me at your own risk.

[Skell]

Skell,

Yes they have, thank you. Sorry, I was answering each post as I read it. I eventually got to Scott's and it has completely reassured me of the use of PMs.

That's fine bluerose. I gathered that after I responded myself!