[Someone help]

My husband started a new email account recently and I suspected something may be up with the old one. I decided to open the old one in front of him one day and he totally started to flip out. I went on a friends computer and opened it and found that he had a profile on adultfriendfinder.com looking for local singles in a 50 mile radius of our home... the girl he described that he wanted was the total opposite of me. When I confronted him about it he told me it wasn't him the first time and now he says he did it while drunk and that I am acting ridiculous over it. I am hurt and confused and he hasn't even apologized. Since then I have found 2 more sites that he is on. I just want the truth and want to know why. I don't think I will ever get the truth. Its not like he's worried that the truth will hurt me because he doesn't seem concerned at all that I am hurt over this. What should I do?

[Synnen]

1. Disconnect the internet from your home.

2. Let him know that you are willing to go to counseling to save your marriage, but that if he is so unconcerned as to your feelings as to set up THREE dating sites, then ONLY counseling will save your marriage.

3. Get a GOOD divorce lawyer.

[Gemini54]

I think that the truth is pretty clear - he's surfing on dating sites and has been hiding it from you. The truth is he's the one that's acting ridiculous.

The question is why? Is he doing it because it gives him a thrill or is he seeking to cheat on you?

Try to control your anger and hurt and talk to him about it. Let him know that it's absolutely NOT appropriate and ask him what he intends to do to repair your marriage and regain your trust.

Something like this is a deal breaker and you need to get tough.

[Cat1864]

From what you have written, you are not being 'ridiculous.' He has crossed a line of good behavior and is getting defensive about being 'caught'.

Best suggestion I can give is to sit down and discuss (not fight, confront or argue) with him what happened and how you feel. However, it sounds like he isn't listening when you have tried before.

Another suggestion would be to write down how you feel and give it to him to read. Hopefully, he wouldn't feel as defensive and it could be a starting point.

Along the lines of the first suggestion is finding someone to act as a mediator for you to confront your husband. That person would be there to keep the discussion from turning into a fight.

I think until he is ready to talk and work with you that a sleeping bag on the living room floor might be his bed for a while.

[Fr_Chuck]

He was trying ( or may have even found) other women to have relationships with.

He has and did cheat on you, the minute he started that account.

I go with his being banned or restricted on internet use, just like a someone with other problems, he can not at this point be trusted.

I agree with counseling being required.

If not the best, hard nose cut throat attorney you can get

[Kitkat22]

Get a lawyer. I'm sorry you are going through this! You need to keep copies of everything and make sure you keep an eye on the cell phone as well. I wish you luck!

[I wish]

Seems pretty clear that he's given up on the marriage.

The reason you're still confused is that he hasn't asked for a divorce and just keeping you around.

You've probably created a comfortable home for him, but you don't satisfy him in terms of a romantic relationship anymore. His body is at home, but his heart and mind are elsewhere now.

If you can't work things out with your husband, it's time to move on with your life, as the others have suggested, starting with getting a divorce lawyer.

[Kitkat22]

I second "I Wish". Get your ducks in a row!