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bdavis1 · Nov 29, 2006, 08:01 PM

I am 27 years old. My wife is 26. We have two great children ages 6 and 7 1/2 (yes we started early). In April, we will have been married 7 years. Now, I know people's sex drives drop off quite a bit but at this point I am lucky if we have sex once a month. We used to be very adventurous. Oral is maybe a once a year thing now and she rarely lets me go down on her either. I know self consciousness is an issue for her. Her body is (obviously) not how it was before marriage. She was only 19, tiny and we have since had children. She is still petite and knows that I still find her sexually attractive. I need some suggestions to 1) Make her realize she is still beautiful 2) Figure out how to put some spice back in our relationship. We are still young and it really shouldn't be like this yet.

Fr_Chuck · Nov 29, 2006, 08:10 PM

Talk, talk and talk, see about marriage counseling.

Also medical exam, to see if there is a issue.

And spice can be anything that both ( and I mean both) of you can like.
Role playing, costumes, body paints.

bdavis1 · Nov 29, 2006, 08:32 PM

Thank you for your suggestions. I have tried different things to spice it up but no success so far. I have considered a "sex counselor" but I wasn't sure if my issue was valid enough and didn't want to jump to extremes.

KISSROMEO2 · Nov 29, 2006, 08:58 PM

I would recommend going to your local bookstore and looking up any romance help guides. Seriously, no joke. If you push her with getting medical help or perhaps giving her a push when it comes to talking about it, it might only make it worse. How about you try reverse psychology and try to kind of swoon her into it.
Get a romance book, take some advice... go on a date with her.. perhaps she doesn't think she's anything other than a mother and a wife. Maybe she doesn't think she's considered a 'woman' anymore and therefore unsexy and unwanted. Perhaps she needs to feel sexy and loved.. maybe she needs to feel cherished and wanted, etc... I don't know how else to give advice on this topic but I know how humiliating and frustrating it is to feel alone in a marriage and to feel like the person doesn't want to be intimate anymore.
I hear you!
Take care and good luck!

beanster · Nov 30, 2006, 11:24 PM

Raising kids is demanding.I have raised two myself and it can be exhausting.Also,it is a big turn-off when a woman feels she has to perform sex as a service.Just gently seduce her and see if she is open.Do little favors for her like giving her a massage or get a babysitter and take her out.I can only warn all men to not push it.It doesn't help.If she starts having sex with you only to keep the peace she will resent you for it.

pilarchl · Dec 1, 2006, 12:17 AM

Wow , what a question!! You know , every time that my hubby is too obvious in showing what he wants, he makes me go away instead of atracting me to start doing something but when he is not obvious , everything starts spontaneuly , I really like that way or when he plays the difficult one , man I feel it is irresitible, it is the challenge you see, you are being too obvious , you are like a CAT LOOKING AT THE BUTCHERSHOP, so try not to be so obvious, then send the kids somewhere at least for 5 hours or more , take her out , as you guys say Dine her, treat her nice, but donot buy flowers and all that stuff it is also too obvious, pretend you are sad and sleep on another bed ,and tell you she will go and take you to bed, you guys are too obvious and we like to play like cat and mice, I want, I don't want , OK maybe , do you understand? Be but not be so much, do not be so explicit and tell her that she is still atractive, you do not need to go to a councelor , use strategy , be man, be a macho with your wife
I hope it works

Waiting4him · Dec 15, 2006, 03:21 PM

Originally Posted by bdavis1

I am 27 years old. My wife is 26. We have two great children ages 6 and 7 1/2 (yes we started early). In April, we will have been married 7 years. Now, I know people's sex drives drop off quite a bit but at this point I am lucky if we have sex once a month. We used to be very adventrous. Oral is maybe a once a year thing now and she rarely lets me go down on her either. I know self consciousness is an issue for her. Her body is (obviously) not how it was before marriage. She was only 19, tiny and we have since had children. She is still petite and knows that I still find her sexually attractive. I need some suggestions to 1) Make her realize she is still beautiful 2) Figure out how to put some spice back in our relationship. We are still young and it really shouldnt be like this yet.

I'm not married yet, I'm engaded. But I want to say, that's really sad. I mean Sex in marriage is the most amazing thing between a man and wife. I'm really sorry.
There probably is something wrong other then her feeling self contious. My sujestion is having her start to work out, every day. She will start to feel good about herself. Epecialy if she eats healthy too. If that doesn't work, she needs to see someone. Like a sex therapist. That's not healthy for your relationship at all.

rose1111 · Dec 31, 2008, 08:05 PM

A woman is so complex, she needs to know unwaveringly that she is loved. Each little thing that undermines that can really get under her skin until quite a hole is dug. Whether they are true or not. Watch her closely without her noticing it. Get to know her, there are no easy answers, but if you love her you will take the time to love her and she will love you back.

Starbucks21 · Dec 31, 2008, 10:22 PM

This may be a stumper for most but the best way to make a woman feels and think she's beautiful to you is... TELL HER

Say "Honey, you look so wonderful" and pamper her like you know she deserves... go all out by doing the dishes and giving her a day she doesn't lift a finger...

If she's tired from 2 kids a job and life it's self, lightening her load may help. That and women aren't really mind readers, we like hearing you're beautiful and I love you and romantic stuff.

marie5555 · Jan 5, 2009, 09:12 AM

You might want to try being more attentive so that she can start forgetting about her changes due to pregnancy... trust me is not easy because my stretch marks due to my pregnancy was a huge factor for me to turn down my husband or just keep it in one position and boring... But as time went and my husband reassured me that he loved me more than ever and those were just life scars that was product of our love "our son" he wanted me even more... Those mental issues quickly went away and I wanted him more than ever.. . good Luck :)