[bdavis1]

I am 27 years old. My wife is 26. We have two great children ages 6 and 7 1/2 (yes we started early). In April, we will have been married 7 years. Now, I know people's sex drives drop off quite a bit but at this point I am lucky if we have sex once a month. We used to be very adventurous. Oral is maybe a once a year thing now and she rarely lets me go down on her either. I know self consciousness is an issue for her. Her body is (obviously) not how it was before marriage. She was only 19, tiny and we have since had children. She is still petite and knows that I still find her sexually attractive. I need some suggestions to 1) Make her realize she is still beautiful 2) Figure out how to put some spice back in our relationship. We are still young and it really shouldn't be like this yet.

[ABK]

I'm going through the same thing... my girl thinks she's not pretty anymore so even though I have a strong sex drive, she doesn't... shes six years older than me also, but one thing that's helped... her idea was to watch porn movies, don't know if that's a good idea for me, but I didn't mind... or go to a strip club , grab some drinks and watch some shake... it can actually put some fire underneth you to do something...

[kp2171]

do you ever have "getaway" nights... as in can someone stay with the kids and you guys go out, have a date, and get a room somewhere? Sounds silly maybe, but my wife and I do this almost every month or two when we can.

yes, its money spent on a room that's only 15 minutes away from where we sleep.. but its something to look forward to, and generally, when you are in a slump about sex the best thing is sometimes to have a few good experiences.

also, the more you can talk to her the better. Its not always easy, but open communucation helps a lot. She needs to know you are sexually attracted to her and you want her to believe it. So you might need to do some work... you might need to "chase" her a little and get her thinking about you more. Surprise her with a night out and make arrangements for the kids without her knowing, flowers at work, just a few things to let her know you are thinking about her.

you're trying to let her know you want her, without making her feel guilty or obligated... is she stressed about things? Money? Work? Have you guys had a vacation of any kind lately where she could just veg?

random thoughts...

[Fr_Chuck]

I will agree fully with the get away weekends or dates.

Several times a year I surprise my wife with a planned get away weekend, even if it is only 20 miles away

Cards, some surprised flowers, all make a differece

[moyra]

I think everyone has come up with great ideas, getting away for the weekend , flowers etc, but have you thought about just the basics? Do you do the housework, see to the kids,make the dinner, do the washing and even clean the bathroom (oh no the dreaded toilet!) and I mean day in day out not just once cause you want sex. Are you really involved with the family, taking the kids to and from school, clubs etc, if so that's great take your wife away for a lovely weekend and you just never know!

[bdavis1]

Well, a lot of good ideas. We do get out almost every weekend for at least drinks or a movie. I have to try to make an overnight sometime. I do the majority of the housework. I am a professional firefighter and work 2, 24 hour shifts a week so I do the majority of the kid watching, cleaning etc. I do the cooking every night we eat together.

[HannahMarriedYoung]

I am 27 years old. My wife is 26. We have two great children ages 6 and 7 1/2 (yes we started early). In April, we will have been married 7 years. Now, I know people's sex drives drop off quite a bit but at this point I am lucky if we have sex once a month. We used to be very adventrous. Oral is maybe a once a year thing now and she rarely lets me go down on her either. I know self consciousness is an issue for her. Her body is (obviously) not how it was before marriage. She was only 19, tiny and we have since had children. She is still petite and knows that I still find her sexually attractive. I need some suggestions to 1) Make her realize she is still beautiful 2) Figure out how to put some spice back in our relationship. We are still young and it really shouldnt be like this yet.

I was married at 21 and he was 25.. no kids yet and I'm 23... We had sex all the time and then my drive dropped off and I act the same as your wife does and it is not a matter of self concisousness for me... I have just lost interest as we are interested in it in different ways.. he likes submissive sex and I like rough sex... causes an issue when he comes crawling to me instead of jumping on me! Then I lose interest...

[greyraven]

I think what you are going through is normal...
You might be "young" physically but your relationship is mature in years.

I wish I had good advice, but I'm kind of in the same boat D-:

I wish you good luck though!

R

[Stac33]

I am 27 years old. My wife is 26. We have two great children ages 6 and 7 1/2 (yes we started early). In April, we will have been married 7 years. Now, I know people's sex drives drop off quite a bit but at this point I am lucky if we have sex once a month. We used to be very adventrous. Oral is maybe a once a year thing now and she rarely lets me go down on her either. I know self consciousness is an issue for her. Her body is (obviously) not how it was before marriage. She was only 19, tiny and we have since had children. She is still petite and knows that I still find her sexually attractive. I need some suggestions to 1) Make her realize she is still beautiful 2) Figure out how to put some spice back in our relationship. We are still young and it really shouldnt be like this yet.

You need to tell your wife how beautiful she is. Help her along with her insecurities. Nobody I know looks the same as the day they were married.lol Is she on any medication that maybe affecting her drive? My husband and I were married very young and had children very young. This year we will be married 15 years. I have a higher sex drive than my husband most of the time. I could still go at it at least every other day. You are right though you're too young to be acting this way. We go through that sometimes. Have you talked to her? Does she explain? You need to be communicating a lot about this. She needs to be listened to, but you also need to be heard. She needs to give a little bit in the way of your needs.

[karalloyd]

Amen sister!!

[smoothy]

Couple things... she's likely worn out from the kids. Another are you into any kinky stuff to keep it exciting or is it more of the same every time. Easy to get bored like that. Luckily I have a wild streak and have few hangups... wife is more reserved but willing to try new things... some of which she really likes once she tries them. Trust me , the same one or two positions year, after year after year gets... well you see my point. Variety is the spice of life.

Way I see it between me and my wife there are no taboos. So we do lots of stuff, some whenever she what's, and one which she finally opened up with as a fantasy I told her I would try as a special gift, what was it... well that's our secret, but the point is try new stuff, you are married, you have kids. You should each try to find new exciting things to try every so often.

[closefriend29]

I am sailing in the same boat. I have nt seen my wife naked in last 12 months. It has lead me to extreme frustration. I had sex recently after about 10 months it lasted for 2 minutes. She just doesn't feel the need to have sex and I fell sexy 10 times a day. Its fate! We have to suffer. No matter how much I try to talk she's a log. Just doesn't feel sex important.

[NowWhat]

Having kids changes you. I can see where you would be frustrated. I know my husband is. He tells me all the time that he thinks that I am beautiful, but I don't see it.
I hate looking in the mirror. I don't know that he could ever tell me enough that I look pretty. I just don't have the same body image that I did before kids.
But, I have to tell you that when he does things for me - little things - it makes me want to please him. Out of the blue, he will do the dishes or let me sleep in and take care of our daughter or whatever - it is random acts of kindness that does so much for us.
And she is coming up on thirty - that is when we typically hit our peak!
Good Luck!

[closefriend29]

My wife knows - I love sex, I love oral... she's does everything else other than sex. I don't need anything else. My frustration is about sex.

[NowWhat]

Do you know why she doesn't want sex? Has it always been unimportant to her?
I know you said that she is a "log" when you try to talk. But, you need to convey to her, in a way that she will hear you, just how important this is to you and what is at risk if you don't get it.
Do you do things for her that might make her more open to sex?

[closefriend29]

NOW WHAT - I tried to tell her in every way. I tried to do things for her. It hurtsme so much thati feel like cutting my thing off. IT HURTS. I Don't KNOW WHAT SIN I HAV Committed THAT I HAV GOT SUCH A WIFE - I HAV NOT SEEN HER NAKED / EVEN IN A BRA IN MONTHS.

[NowWhat]

Well, Don't cut anything off.
Have you gone to counseling? Had a mediator that can put things in prospective for both of you?
I just wonder what would make a wife (or husband for that matter) just totally turn away. Has anything happened to her? Are you having an affair? Is she?
With this being so important to you - you can not let this go. You need change in your life - now. If you and your wife are going to continue to be married - then you both deserve to be happy. Counseling can help. And being totally honest and up front with each other.

[Scared_and_Confused]

Well 80% of women never experience orgasms or even enjoy sex for that matter (thank God I am the other 20%). Why don't you buy her some sexy lingerie? Or maybe a pretty but very sexy dress? Go on a vacation to the beach and buy her a new hot bathing suit, that way she will know you think she is still sexy enough to wear that kind of stuff. That's all I can think, sorry I couldn't be much help, goodluck!

[smoothy]

Well 80% of women never experience orgasms or even enjoy sex for that matter (thank God I am the other 20%). Why dont you buy her some sexy lingerie? Or maybe a pretty but very sexy dress? Go on a vacation to the beach and buy her a new hot bathing suit, that way she will know you think she is still sexy enough to wear that kind of stuff. Thats all I can think, sorry I couldnt be much help, goodluck!

I can count my blessings that when I was 18 and in college my 21 year old girlfriend introduced me to an old roommate of hers, That was many years ago and I was still a bit naïve, but the two of them (both women several years my senior) introduced me to threesomes and they taught me the art (and it is an art) of cunnilingus. I must forever thank them for that education as it has been most useful as trust me if you want to be good at pleasing a woman like that you really need to have the tutoring of a woman. Otherwise you just aren't going to learn how to do it and how to read a woman (since they all respond differently). No woman I have ever been intimate with has been in the 80% as a result. And yes many have told me it was a first for them. Trust me in that I am not boasting. Its extremely hard to read a woman who is not comfortable enough to be open and honest and willing to guide you to know where her hot spots are (like I said they are not all the same). It's a cooperation and one can't do it on their own.

[EnglishRose]

I'm not married so I can't give advice based on experience but I could tell you what would do it for me. One day while she is at work, let her think that you have some none exciting plans for the evening. Then make sure the house is spotless and the kids are not only gone, but that there is not a trace of them lying around (just for the one night, make sure Mr Ted is not stuffed down the side of the sofa). Light the house from there door way to the bathroom with candles (get rid of pets too), and fill a bath with rose petals and surround it wth more candles. Buy expensive bubble bath, not something you could get from a drug store. Buy a simple but elgant black dress or an out fit that would look amazing on her (please ask a sales assistant for help if you need it because buying something that needs complicated underwear or certain shoes will complicate matters) and hang it from the bathroom door with a note asking her to be ready by a certain time, telling her why you thought this dress would look great on her. The reason for this being in your home is because some times going away to hotels makes the hotel seem sexy, but what you need is to make home sexy again. The dress is because people often buy underwear for their wives and by all means some women love this, but if a woman is not feeling her sexiest then she may feel silly or uncomfortable having this sprung on her. By this point don't let her see you. Hide in the kitchen. If she tries to enter that room push a note under the door telling her to get ready, you will explain later. Give her plent of time to unwind in the bath. Maybe put some relaxing music on for her. Make sure you do not have to go in the room yourself and interrupt her at any point. Also maybe leave some chilled chamagne and strawberries out for her with just one glass. We all love to pend time with our partners, but sometimes just a little time alone to pamper ourselves will do wonders. When the time comes and she is ready, meet her at the front door looking very smart. No trainers, nice underwear, not your usual aftershave, clean shaven etc. Take her to your dinning area where you have set up a candle lit meal for two. (If you can't cook then a night out might be better, but somewhere quiet and romantic). Finally when you have poured her a drink and you are both settled ask her about her day. One of the problems she has maybe that she worries you are running out of things to talk about. When you have been together 7 or more years you already know each others childhood stories and spend each day together. Whenever she meantions the kids tell her to 'shhhh, not tonight'. Ask her to tell you something you don't know about her. Anything. Tell her something you haven't ever told her about. e.g.. A chldhood friend or pet you have never meantioned. It doesn't t have to be a funny story, just a new one. Take your time over dinner, but pop to the loo before the end. Go back in the room and clear up any mess she has made. Put the music back on. At this point you could have some sexual items ready, but hidden. If she is not in the mood these will make her feel pressured, but if you wait until the time is right they maybe a turn on for her. Pick things you have used before, when things were good and start a conversation wilth 'remember when... '. If not just relax with her and talk to her, keeping your hands completely to yourself until she lets you know she is ready. If this time does not come then let it go and just enjoy her company. Tell her how great she looks. Tell her about the bits of her that look better now. That she has become more beautiful with age. Dismiss any protest she makes with a gentle shhh. Lead her to bed having left the dishes until tomorrow.
Sorry if that went on too long. I know this seems like a lot of hastle for one night and it can only really be done once, but it may be the pick me up she needs to know that you love her and don't wish she was still the 19 year old you married. If this doesn't t work, wait until another time when you are alone to ask her if she is OK. She may be feeling down, stressed or unconfident and talking might help.
Hope this helps. If you actaully want sexual tips then let me know (I'm better at those)
GOOD LUCK