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ams1972 · Nov 25, 2006, 07:17 PM

I am 34 and have been with my boyfriend for 4 yrs - the first 2 years our sex life was great but since then I have had zero sex drive and pain during sex. I am not on any meds, do not have children and do not have a high stress life - I love my boyfriend but just do not have any interest in having sex - I had used lots of excuses for awhile but ran out and finally just told him what I was feeling but he pushes me to have sex anyway - I sometimes will, just to try to satisfy him but then the more I give the more he wants and I just hate it. I feel embarrassed like there is something wrong with me. I know this could lead to the end of our relationship, which I don't want, but that isn't even enough to make me want to have sex. What is wrong with me??

Bluerose · Nov 25, 2006, 10:22 PM

ams1972,

Only a visit to your doctor can give you the correct answer. No meds and no stress? Could you be feeling a little depressed? It doesn't take much and, next to feeling tired and losing your apatite, sex drive can suffer also. And depending on the type of pain it could just be that you are trying to have sex when you are not ready - not turned on. That could result in painful sexual intercourse. But, like I said, your doctor would know best.

blondieinCAN · Nov 25, 2006, 11:32 PM

Originally Posted by ams1972

I am 34 and have been with my boyfriend for 4 yrs - the first 2 years our sex life was great but since then I have had zero sex drive and pain during sex. I am not on any meds, do not have children and do not have a high stress life - I love my boyfriend but just do not have any interest in having sex - I had used lots of excuses for awhile but ran out and finally just told him what I was feeling but he pushes me to have sex anyway - I sometimes will, just to try to satisfy him but then the more I give the more he wants and I just hate it. I feel embarrassed like there is something wrong with me. I know this could lead to the end of our relationship, which I don't want, but that isn't even enough to make me want to have sex. What is wrong with me???

I was reading SEX IS A 13 LETTER WORD and they talked about how their clients (sexual counsellors) were uninterested in sex when the man first got a bit worried about why the female was less than motivated. Then with the pressures you have to perform, any woman would be turned off! I think maybe you need to tell him its not him, which may be his worry, and then suggest love play not foreplay... like no pressure to get to the big O sex, just foreplay all night long... (bc fore mans before right, but why can't there be all there is! ).