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keeeelz · Mar 10, 2010, 05:34 AM

Threads merged

Me and my boyfriend of 1 + 1/2 years broke up literally 2 days ago for good, I think. We had been arguing a lot and at the beginning of the relationship and I really was not a nice girlfriend (cheated on him once and just being a general etc.) but things changed and I learnt that I was being a horrible person and I am still very guilty about this. After this is where everything was perfecccct with us! We were best friends for about a year before we even got together and he said he always loved me even when we were friends so we were really close.

Things started to get bad and we began arguing because I used to get really drunk when we'd go out and cause problems which didn't even need to happen and then this caused arguments. This went on for a while and he has broke up with me twice over it and then given me another chance, I think its because we love each other so much, its hard not to be together.

Anyway we agreed this was the last chance and then I went and screwed it up again, I honestly don't know why as I love him so so much and I just really want to be with him but I got drunk again and caused problems which I completely REGRET. Obviously at this point he said he can't do it anymore and broke up with me. He said he really didn't want to and he really loves me but I'm making it hard for him to be with me. I asked him if this would be it forever and he said he didn't want to answer because he doesn't no the answer, its not no but its not yes. I have spoke to him since and he said he broke up with me because of all of the drama and we just need to ease off the stress for while, he also agreed to meet up with me once he's got all of his work out of the way. But now I'm confused because that sounds as though he wants to take some time apart and then see how things are? But when I asked him if we could go on a break instead of breaking up he said he doesn't want to do that. Just wondered what other people thought as I am very confused?

talaniman · Mar 10, 2010, 06:00 AM

He obviously wants you to get some help, with your drinking and quit acting a zip damn fool! Go to a local AA meeting, and do the right thing for yourself. If you don't, why should he come back?

redhed35 · Mar 10, 2010, 06:02 AM

If I'm being honest with you,it sounds as if he is trying to escape,but nicely.

If the problems are mounting up,and not being talked out,if he is finding the relationship stressfull and full of drama,that's not good!

My advice,let him go,he wants to go (going by your post).

For you,take time to go over your part in the breakup,ask yourself why you behaved badly if you loved him.

Take the time to heal and mature and learn what you want from a relationship.

Go no contact,as hard as that will be,it's the most quick way to heal and get perspective.

Romefalls19 · Mar 10, 2010, 06:03 AM

What I think? That you need to stop drinking, you may want to seek some professional help on that. You sound like an alcoholic. Stop worrying about your relationship as it's probably over and you need to fix yourself before you can even begin to have a healthy relationship

amicon · Mar 10, 2010, 06:38 AM

You shouldn't be in a relationship until you have sorted out your drink problem.

AA is a good suggestion,seek help now.

keeeelz · Mar 10, 2010, 07:01 AM

I'm not an alcoholic, its not that bad, I just can't seem to find my limit and always go over it and then have no control over what I'm doing. But I have quit drinking now completely until this relationship gets back on track if there is any chance of that? Forgetting the drinking problem, do you guys think he would change his mind if I told him I wasn't drinking anymore and trying to solve my own problems, would that at least help?

amicon · Mar 10, 2010, 07:17 AM

If you go over the limit and then lose the plot,you shouldn't drink again. Ever.

As for the ex,going by your first post, I think you need to accept that its over.

As for contacting the ex I don't think that would be a good idea.
You were given a number of chances and you screwed up.
So he finally gave up on you.

Redhed 35 suggested no contact and healing from the breakup and I second that.

talaniman · Mar 10, 2010, 07:56 AM

I just can't seem to find my limit and always go over it and then have no control over what I'm doing.

That's what all alcoholics say, and you are one, and no self respecting person should ever have to put up with the crap you put them through when you can't find your limit, and have no control over what your doing. You act like this is no big deal, but to him, it really is and he is sick of it.

Don't expect him to take you back yet again, after so many chances you have already had, and failed at. Frankly I wouldn't take you back until you have proven you can stay sober a year, and by that time he probably will find some one who doesn't go over their limit, and has control over what they do.

You might have burned this guy out, with your behavior, and broken promises. Like most alcoholics do. You better wake up! This is no joke, and its no longer about a relationship, but your life.

Romefalls19 · Mar 10, 2010, 08:16 AM

So as soon as you get him back you're going to go back to drinking? That's how you made it sound, and yes you do have a drinking problem and you need to go to AA. If people don't know their own limits when it comes to drinking, you have a problem. Sure everyone goes out a couple times and drinks more than they should, but you say you do it more than once in a time

sunsandmoons · Mar 10, 2010, 03:23 PM

If you were single and you wished to go out and drink, lose your control. So be it.

When you have another persons feelings to consider, why be so selfish?

How old are you?

I suspect your quite young. A lot of girls around my age 18-24 in the UK now get drunk every weekend. Its like the 'in' thing to do. They act like idiots, have no general regard for anybodys feelings, let alone their boyfriends. It causes arguments and huge problems.

If you can't keep a handle on it, you shouldn't do it.

jaffeyjoeblaze · Mar 10, 2010, 04:59 PM

Been in this situation before... im not an alcoholic but I have taken alcoholic actions such as yours... stop and slow the drinking

Do you act flirtatious when drinking or sexual?

Let him go and fix yourself...

keeeelz · Mar 31, 2010, 08:22 AM

Threads merged

Me and my boyfriend of 2 years broke up 3 weeks ago. I am really devastated because I know that I wanted to spend my life with him and I am completely in love with him, he feels the same way about me and said that he really did not want this break up but he felt it was the best thing for him. Other parts of our relationship were great though, we are best friends and get on amazingingly well.

We had been arguing for a few months every time we went out on a night out together (mostly my fault) – over the most unnecessary stuff but the arguments were quite bad. This resulted in him saying to me a few times that it was really upsetting him and he didn't want me to argue with him anymore as he's not doing anything wrong. However I still caused problems and he reached his limit of how much he could take resulting in us breaking up. We have spoken since we split, mostly just friendly conversations and we are meeting up soon to 'talk' but I am not sure what to think really.

He tells me this is upsetting him also but he is just trying to get on with things, however he has said various things like he doesn't feel we can be together at the moment and also that he wouldn't say we could never get back together because of how much he loves me. Then on the other hand he has told me not to wait for him but also it would kill him if I moved on, this is really confusing me? I don't know what to think, can anyone advise me on what you think he's feeling or what's going to happen for us? He is not the type of guy to mess me around before anyone says that, he is the most caring person I know. I did not take him seriously when he asked me to change though and I do absolutely regret that as he is the guy I want... :confused:

amicon · Mar 31, 2010, 08:37 AM

You're broken up-you say you argued a lot and you couldn't solve your differences by honest adult communication.

To stop the confusion and to help you heal,you should go NC and stop all communication with him.

You need to move on and get on with your life.

talaniman · Mar 31, 2010, 09:13 AM

things started to get bad and we began arguing because i used to get really drunk when we'd go out and cause problems which didn't even need to happen and then this caused arguments. This went on for a while and he has broke up with me

That's why we merge threads because you seem to have left that very important fact from your second post. Look, if you have not solved the issues that caused the problems that led to a break up, what's the point in getting back together?

So what are you doing about you being a trouble making drunk? Sorry to be mean, but that's what you wrote. Again, what has changed, and why should he take a chance on taking you out ever again, let alone get back with you?

PKeiper · Apr 1, 2010, 06:48 AM

Originally Posted by keeeelz

i'm not an alcoholic, its not that bad, i just can't seem to find my limit and always go over it and then have no control over what i'm doing. but i have quit drinking now completely until this relationship gets back on track if there is any chance of that? forgetting the drinking problem, do you guys think he would change his mind if i told him i wasn't drinking anymore and trying to solve my own problems, would that at least help?

You know... you can be a social alcoholic. You bing drink and can't control the limit you take in, in social scenes. That come with maturity to be able to turn if off and limit yourself. If you can't then you just don't drink. You may need help from a support group like AA and don't think you don't, because if your boyfriend means that much, do it. It might surprise you!

keeeelz · Apr 1, 2010, 09:15 AM

I didn't know my threads were merged... well I have been going out and controlling my drinking a lot more. I have definitely not been drinking as much and have actually had fun nights out for once. I feel as though I have grown up and I don't feel the need to get absolutley drunk like I did before. He did see out last week and I was quite sober and acted perfectly normal and said hi to him so I don't know what he thought of that. I am supposed to be meeting up with him this week and I don't know how to show him things have changed and I have. I can see things from a different perspective now and I know that the way I acted was immature and stupid but I am changing this.