[pink_poodle]

What are some reasons to be happy about an unplanned pregnancy. What should make a mother decide to keep her baby instead of giving it up for adoption? What are something's a mother should consider before giving her baby up for adoption?

[pink_poodle]

Sometimes I feel like I want to give my baby up. I feel like we don't have a connection and he might hate me when he's born.. I need advice please

[Synnen]

You NEED to see a counselor. Period. Talk to Planned Parenthood or an adoption agency, or your local social services office. There is help for you.

It's so hard to tell you all the things to consider about adoption. There are so many things that sound negative that might not be if you have counseling to deal with it. Just like there are so many things that sound negative about raising a child alone, especially when younger.

1. Consider the ability of the adoptive family to care for your child compared to your own ability. I am not talking about emotions here--I'm talking about time, energy, money, food, shelter, education, etc. Think about--and TRULY think about--where your child would have a better life.
2. Consider your own emotions. Think about WHY you would want to parent, and think about WHY you would choose adoption. Make lists. Put down everything you can think of, no matter HOW bad it seems to you or how guilty a thought makes you feel. Society is geared toward the idea that if you can't parent, you're scum that doesn't care about your child, unfortunately. Ignore society for this. Write down how YOU feel. No one is going to see these lists but you anyway.
3. Remember that you are giving away more than just your baby. You're giving away your toddler, your elementary school child, your tween, your teen, your young adult. Adoption is FOREVER. You never get your child back. I think that's the one thing that you can't really understand until you've been a birthparent for a few years. It's not just the baby---it's all of those years.
4. Society doesn't let you mourn. You make the choice, you have to deal with it. Feeling sad or angry or upset in any way isn't allowed by the public---but they're perfectly natural ways to feel following choosing adoption. You will need to grieve, but society won't let you do it publicly.
5. You will NEED to see a counselor. I've been absolutely amazed at how many different areas of my life have been affected by choosing adoption.

You need to make the best choice for YOU, and for your baby. Even though I haven't exactly made adoption have a positive spin in my list of things to think about, I've NEVER regretted choosing adoption. It's very hard at times, but I gave my daughter the best life I could give her--and the life I could have given her at the time wasn't going to be very good. I have an open adoption, which means I get pictures and letters and updates about my daughter regularly, and we've met once when she was 8. She's going to be graduating high school soon--I'm so proud of her!

It's a tough choice, regardless. I really really recommend talking to a counselor who understands adoption issues BEFORE you make your choice.