[Larken85]

I have been depressed for a long time now. Finally I got put on medication for it at my gf's request but now our relationship is on the rocks and I believe it may be all my fault because for some reason I am super afraid of things going south. Like I can't break the mood, especially since my dosage was doubled. Wondering if it is the medication which is actually supposed to treat anixety or an actual fear that is just surfacing more appearently now.

[redhed35]

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...nd-452231.html

Reading your threads,it would seem that your relationship is a prime source of stress and anxiety.

Although you are an adult your still quite young to have to deal with such an intense situation,I know from reading your other thread that you wish to save the relationship,however if its affecting your health perhaps its time to reconsider.

[Larken85]

I have never had such a panicing problem before and believe me this relationship has endured much much greater threats to my mental health. I would perhaps agree that I may have taken too much on myself over the last year and a half. Hopefully things will clear up soon but I have at least resolved that if it does not work out I am not going to die from it. I love her but eventually I will find love again, its natural. It'll just take time to mend the hole that would be left in my heart and soul

[redhed35]

Sometimes even when you love someone, and have put so much effort into saving a relationship,a moment comes when you realise,its not going to work no matter what you do,saving yourself becomes the best thing to do.

Take stock of all areas of your life,family,work,friends,relationship,find the most stressfull,and figure out ways to deduce the stress.

Dealing with and facing the problems that can occur in relationships is hard,having a good hard rock foundation is important,if its not there,making the effort will not be a labour of love just plain old labour.

I suggest to take some time to ask yourself difficult questions about your relationship,if ending it is what you decide,your right,you won't die,and you will adjust,and you will learn from it.

There is plenty of support here should you ask for it.

[Larken85]

Thank you much

[KBC]

You are now getting out from under the depression cloud you have been under for ?how long?? feelings and overall emotions are almost new again.

The increase of medication has accentuated this effect,the 'regular' you is now opening it's eyes.Life without the shaded glasses you've been wearing for how long is now at your grasp.

This new beginning may or may not include those things you were comfortable with during the depression life.

This analogy is also true for alcoholics, once a major wall is removed,the new path isn't the one always the one they thought it should be, including relationships.

I haven't read your other thread yet,but I will soon..

Hang in there, DON'T stop the medications, you'll just be back where you were before you started taking them, sometimes worse(I have been medicated fr the last 15 years or so with a track record of on and off meds during the first 3-4 years, doubts made things MUCH worse)

[Larken85]

Thank you KBC. Wasn't sure if it was the medication but I read something and perhaps it is the amount of stimulent in my body because not only did my medication amount double but so too did my caffeen intake which as it turns out is a horrible thing and can cause panic attacks. Currently I am experimenting with completely cutting out caffeen and after a week I will see where I am from there. Thanks for the advice and I would not stop the medication because I know its doing its job and I am as a general rule much happier now.

[Alty]

How long have you been taking the meds? Most antidepressants can take up to half a year to start working effectively.

Maybe it's time to cut your losses with this relationship, get yourself together, get your health under control, then find someone to love.

[Fr_Chuck]

One problem is that perhaps without medication you would be extremely worst.

For the medication talk to your doctor

For your relationship, you need to deal with it

[Larken85]

You're correct chuck. I was hoping to hear a story about anyone that may have had panic attacks or anxiety attacks from their depression meds. Prozac to be blunt. My relationship is being taken care of and I am confident that the waves will smooth there very soon. Until then I am going to take it all in stride.

[Larken85]

New addition to an old problem. My girlfriend had to bring the kids down to Tennessee to meet their dad half way for spring break. Their dad has them for spring break so my girlfriend is staying in tenn until he brings them back.

She has a lot of family down there that she hasn't seen in a while, one set that she is visiting right now she hasn't seen for 20 years. (this was a foster home she lived at).
I know she is busy, and I really hate myself for acting like this, but since she left 4 days ago she hasn't been able to talk to be for more than a collective 5 minutes. She can text all day, but she has been too busy to stay tied to the phone.
This is the longest period I have gone without talking to her and it is killing me. I'm trying to distract myself but I work 3rd shift in a boring job that dictates that I do literally nothing all night including entertain myself. So it is hard not to think about.

I found myself begging her to talk to me last night. She could tell I was really down about it and she called. However the reception was really bad and I could hear her but she could not hear me. She knew I was there but didn't know if I could hear her. She said she loves me and in the sweetest tone ever said we'll talk tomorrow because of the reception. And then she had that sweet voice again and said bye baby... bye. Instently I started balling!

I'm like holy crap am I that pathetic? But then I retract my question because I know I am that bad. My question is how do I cope with her being away for the whole break if I am acting like this after only 4 days? Well it's day 5 now.
I am trying to let her spend time with her old fam, and I feel so selfish to want 5 minutes with her on the phone, but still I can't shake it! Should I work on becoming more emotionally independent from her? I fear emotional disconnection if I try that.

[Jake2008]

A couple of things I'm thinking here.

I too am on antidepressants, have been off and on for about 10 years now. Prozac is one I have had, and it takes at least six weeks to see any effects, and then the doseage is increased gradually. That is what my Doctor told me. But, it didn't work for me the way it should have, so I am on a different medication now, and have just gradually worked my way up to the maximum dose, and now I feel the effects.

It does not take depressive thoughts away, it just makes them easier to deal with because the lows are not so low, and I have a lot more energy. Try to stick to the medication, and call your Doctor if you think that it is time to maybe talk about a different one, or increasing the doseage. Many people go through two or three different types before they find one that works with their metabolism.

I presume your doctor has you on anti depressants, but is he/she aware of the panic attacks? Also something to consider explaining to him as a specific behaviour in addition to depression.

I would think that your girlfriend would find you a priority, and knowing how you are feeling, she would return, at least return early. You should not have to beg your significant other to be there when you need her, even if on the phone. To go from a busy household with kids, to sudden silence, especially when you are feeling so rotten, is a big change in itself.

I'd say that is something that should be a given, that the one you share your life with, should be there for you.

With so much free time at work, why not get yourself a notebook/diary, and start writing out your thoughts and feelings. You would be surprised that once you start, just how much you'll write, and you will feel better. This isn't something you have to share with anybody, it belongs only to you.

I've been where you are, and it is a very lonely place. Keep posting, and I hope that things turn around for you soon.

[Larken85]

Its so ridiculous that I can be effected this much by a short leave of absence. She can't come back early, she has to wait on the kids. I get that. I can handle her not being here. But not talking to me is something I can't deal with on top of it. I mean I know I sound weak and all that but seriously I love her and I personally do not think that 5 minutes a night is too much to ask no matter how busy she is. I am left here with nothing to do and no one to talk to.

She has been a little selfish as of late. I don't want to talk to her about it because she will take that as a personal attack. I can't say I feel like you have been selfish. I can't say that I deserve this or that. I just don't feel right about it. I just wish she would know, I wish she knew just how hard it has been on me.

The sad thing is that like everyone else she can only see how hard things have been on her. She doesn't know my every feeling, she doesn't know how big they are. I try to tell her but its so hard to put into words. She sees the problems, she doesn't understand why they are there. Reciently (in the past two to three weeks) we have been great. Hardly even disagreed. Its like I am back to my old self again, I am head over heals for her, I love her, and I want to have that lovey dovey relationship that we started with. And on my side at least I am back to that. So we have been great. The problem is that now that she is gone for a bit I don't know how to cope with it. I just relay on her so heavily for support its not even funny. And I can't help but feel like that is unfare to her. I wish I wasn't so dependent upon her. Just hearing her voice can make all my worries go away and turns my tears into happy ones. For pete sakes I feel like a psycho the way I need her. Like I am obsessed with her. If she wasn't my girlfriend I bet I'd be in jail for like stauking or something lol. But she is just as in love with me, we are always asking each other if we are good. If there is anything wrong. We both need each other but its just sometimes I feel like I need her much more than she needs me. I guess that's my age compared to hers though. She is much more matured than I am I guess.

[Jake2008]

I don't think any good relationship is ever even. I know in my own relationship there have been very bad times for me, when I've relied heavily on him, and then his needs were far greater than my own. That's what a relationship is all about.

If you feel better after talking to her for five minutes, that is not too much to ask, and even if she tells you about her day, a little bit of conversation makes you feel better, so I understand why those minutes are so important when you count on them.

You reminded me of something when I was let's say, very severely depressed, and that was nothing or nobody could understand how to deal with me, or even talk to me. After I got help, and found the right medication, when the fog lifted, I was not so severely bothered by the littlest of things. Not saying that you are, just that things seem so much worse when you are clinically depressed. I think during those times with my husband, he could have been Mick Jagger himself, and I would have still been miserable.

Have faith that the medication is going to work, keep track of things in a diary if you want to try that, it really helps to sort things out. If you can't find the words for your girlfriend, write that out too in a letter and don't be afraid. It is what it is, and maybe it is just your time to lean on her until you are stronger.

Easy words to say, not easy work to do. But what choice do you have. You have to have faith that if she is better informed, she will be more responsive to your needs right now.

[Larken85]

Yes, you are right. Thank you again. I am starting to feel better about all this already. Just helps a lot to be able to talk to someone that isn't bias about it. And I think I will try the journal.

[Jake2008]

One of the reasons I love this place so much is that it is good therapy in itself, just to put your thougths to paper.

I have done journals for years. I pick up the little notebooks at the nearest buck store. To read them after time has passed, always makes me realize how far I've come.

Best of luck.

Keep posting.