[InLove9]

I just recently found myself in an eerie situation and am in the midst of working through the emotions. Do you have advice for how best to get through the lonely hours without contacting her knowing full well that any advance no matter how much love and patience is expressed will not end in my favor nor hers at this moment?

[amicon]

I'm sorry about your breakup. The best thing to do is to keep as busy as possible.
See friends,do things you enjoy doing.
If you find yourself alone at home-watch a good film,read a good book.

With time your pain will go away.

At the top of the relationship page there are stickies with good advice on how to handle breakups.
I suggest you read them.

Take care.

[talaniman]

Always having something to do, helps. Going back to what you did before you met helps too.

How old are you both, and how long did the relationship last?

As Amicon says, reading the stickies at the beginning of this forum, will give you some good ideas to use, and some suggestions to follow.

There is a link in my signature in case you have a problem finding them.

[Tordmor]

I don't think that getting your mind of the breakup by being busy will help. I think it just means you're evading the problem which usually worsens it even if it might feel better.

I advice you to actually think about it. Think about what the relationship meant to you and what you now know it meant to her. There is a discrepancy, something that she wanted to get but you didn't give her. It might feel now like you would give anything to get her back, but that's just an illusion. Our brains are wired to experience a loss much more than a gain. So you need to set yourself into a "gain" rather than "loosed" frame of mind. Imagine a situation where you would be in a stable relationship and would meet her again, but this time you would know in advance what you needed to give in order to get her. Does it still feel like it were worth it?

The emotional part of your brain is just as much influenced by your thought process as is the rational part. Thinking things through can in fact change the way you feel about it.

[Tordmor]

I don't think that I said anything of what talaniman suggests I had.

[I wish]

There might not be any tools to speed up the recovery process. Time is the key to healing.

However, there are tools that can help you prevent prolonging the pain and suffering. For example, keeping as busy as possible. Secondly, avoid all possible contact with your ex, so that you don't generate false hope and can focus your energy on healing.

Check out my signature for no contact related threads. Also, check out the stickies in the relationship thread for more insight.

[sully123]

You always go through the emotions after a breakup. As hard as it, you have to keep busy. Everyday will get easier. Thinking about and pondering over it, you still stay stuck. You must maintain the no contact to heal. Everybody manages to get through, it just takes longer for some people who have a hard time accepting it. Good luck, and stay focused on you.