[laeb081410]

My mother is the most difficult person I think I have ever delt with.. I want to tell her that I want to get married to my boyfriend.. I am 21 years old, and he is almost 24. We have both decided that we love each other so much that we want to get married.. we have only been dating about 2months.. but its not like I just met him.. actually he was two years ahead of me in high school. He is a police officer and I work part time and am finishing school. For massage therapy. We have both decided that August is a good time that we want to get married.. his parents are very excited and can't wait for me to be apart of their family. Now to the problem... my mother.. she is just recently going though a divorce with my father who were married for 23years... I the middle child of three girls.. and I have been looking for a wonderful guy to fulfill my life and make me happy.. when I met my boyfriend my world had changed.. I think she is worried because I have been engaged but things ended up not working out and a year and a half later he killed himself.. I think she thinks I am rushing things and not thinking it out.. but he is everything I could ask for and more... please help me!!

[Jake2008]

I don't know why you would want to set yourself up for a set-to with your mother.

You are 21, and can decide on your own when and who you want to marry.

If it were me, I would wait until the engagement is official. Then the TWO of you, should go and visit your mother and tell her that you are getting married. Period. It is not up for negotiation.

Try not to let what you think her reaction is going to be, ruin your engagement. Stand your ground. Particularly keep the information to yourself until you are actually engaged.

With his parents so accepting and happy, perhaps a light evening engagement party might be a nice thing to do to solidify the upcoming event, and let the parents, close family all get together.

Perhaps a change of pace will be good for your mom.

All the best of luck.

[Gemini54]

You've only really known each other 2 months, what's the rush? You're 21 and have many, many years ahead of you, yet you want to run headlong into marriage.

Why don't you allow a little time to let your mother get to know this guy, and then tell her together. Wouldn't you rather let her deal with her stuff and then tell her when things are calmer? I'm sure her reaction will be quite different once she's got to know him and all the divorce stuff has settled down.

You can afford to wait, I'm sure, even if it's just a couple of months. After all, you've got the whole of your life ahead of you!

[Devorameira]

You don't need your mothers approval to marry him, but it would make things better in the long run.

In time your mother may grow to love him, but I can see why she would be concerned that you are rushing into a marriage. Does he spend time around your mother? He has to be around her for her to gain confidence in your relationship.

Two months isn't long enough to really get to know him. What's the rush? I know you're anxious to get married, but slow down and be sure that he's actually the one.

[Cat1864]

and i have been looking for a wonderful guy to fulfill my life and make me happy.. when i met my boyfriend my world had changed.. i think she is worried because i have been engaged but things ended up not working out and a year and a half later he killed himself.. i think she thinks i am rushing things and not thinking it out.. but he is everything i could ask for and more... please help me!!!!!!!!!!

While I don't think you should have to consult your mother about getting married or who you want to marry, I am concerned that she may have a point.

In school, did you actually know him or did you only know he went to your school?

A red flag for me is that you were looking for someone to 'fulfill my life and make me happy'. You are the only one who can 'make' yourself happy. Unrealistic expectations in a marriage create huge gaps and end up with neither individual being able to find happiness.

Did you allow yourself to heal before you started looking for a husband?

Please, give serious thought to your mother's objections. Don't just toss them aside as her being over-protective or not understanding where you are coming from. Really pay attention to the questions she raises. Think about the answers. Make certain that you are marrying for the right reasons such as you love this man and want to spend the rest of your life with him.

I hope you have many happy years together.