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BDHayes · Feb 17, 2010, 07:33 AM

My husbands has two kids (2 & 5) besides our 3, with a women who is very unstable! She is twsited, coniving, hard headed, and a drunk for starters. I have been able to be civil with her on a few occasions but it seems every time I attempt this, it SOMEHOW backfires on me in the end and it's the kids who get the crappy end of it all. Unlike a majority of men these days my husband takes fatherhood seriously (he lost his dad at a young age and I think that makes him try that much harder for his kids). His daughters mother knows this and takes this for granted and uses this as a weapon to get back at him for not being with her and such. She is a very angry person and very narrow minded and all she knows how to get at him is through the kids so she will keep them from him for months on end, even years sometimes. We do not have the money for a lawyer, and that is the ONLY way he can establish visitation in the state we live in. The reason I am stuck in the middle is because she says I am the reason he can't see his kids. She calls me out of my name, lies about me to my husband and harasses me from time to time. I have tried to be mature and ask her what we can do to get passed the hate and move on for the kids sake and one minute she is with me and the next she is being a b*tch all over again. Do we just give up on these kids for now or what else can we do here? My husband pays child support and is a very good dad, I feel bad for him. :confused:

Jake2008 · Feb 17, 2010, 11:42 PM

Your husband and the mother of his two children, have to sort this out. If he is as good a father as you say he is, he has to get serious here and establish visitation. Can he apply for legal aid? Why does he sit back while you battle his ex.

If you and your husband are willing to provide a loving home for these children to visit, then I don't see why he should be hesitating to have things taken care of legally.

Both of you are wasting time trying to negotiate and set up a solid visitation schedule, if this woman is as whaco as you say.

Time to find a way to gain visitation. I cannot see any other way.

Cat1864 · Feb 18, 2010, 07:08 AM

Until this is merged with her previous thread:
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/marria...le-443522.html

I wonder if Family Counseling would help if you can't go through the court system.

Gemini54 · Feb 18, 2010, 03:32 PM

My husband has an ex that is 'whacko' as well, and my advice is for you to support your husband but cut all contact with his ex.

It's HIS responsibility to negotiate with her, not yours. Believe me, it makes things much easier when you stop - then she can't keep using you as the excuse. Your husband also has to step up to the line and take responsibility for dealing with her.

In terms of your husband's rights to see his children, he needs to go the Family Court (not sure what you have in the USA), or get legal advice. Get a Court Order that establishes visitation rights and the parameters for those rights. Once a Court order is in place at least he has basis upon which to negotiate with her.

Finally, from my personal experience I would strongly advise that you personally don't get caught up in the drama. I really understand that it's so easy to get drawn into it! However, women like your husband's ex feed off your repeated attempts to negotiate with her, your concern about not having the children, your frustration with her constant changes.

The only way to deal with it is to decide on some firm boundaries (one of which is that you personally don't have any dealings with her) and stick to them. Take back control and decide what you'll put up with and what you won't.