[mamaconcern]

I am a mother of an eight year old daughter whose biological father was diagnosed years ago with anxiety depression disorder. He has not gotten better as a result of therapy but chooses instead to overdose on his medication and drink on top of it. His therapist (who has since passed away from cancer) of course had no idea the entire time treating him. Unfortunately the problem with therapists especially the ones who treat their patients as friends instead of patients do not know nor are they paying attention to what is really happening when that person is at home alone. I found all this out when I ended up moving back in with him after a 6 year separation my child now 6 years old at the time, giving the father a "second chance" (mind you he had only seen the child once as a baby I was trying to do good for the child father relationship) Believing him thinking he had really made strides and after being all moved in discovered he was on medication. Something he neglected to tell me. I went to one visit to the therapist with him explaining the fathers’ slurred and defensive behavior and the therapist said to him "you're overdosing" and also asked the father if he could also not have a drink for 30 days. The biological fathers response was "not one?". I left in less than one year of being there. It has been just about 2 years and the biological father now wants visitation rights. He's lonely and desperate and knows my daughter is his last chance for any type of attention adoration. He cannot take care of himself or his surroundings properly. He is not on the birth certificate and we were never married. He wants to establish paternity, lives in another state and my fear is that he will have time alone unsupervised with my daughter which is not in her best interest. He cannot be trusted not to abuse and is mentally unfit. I do not want my happy child to go through any type of court situation or disturbance as she is very happy. It is emotionally wrong and unnecessary to do. The child is living with me and my fiancée in a very stable environment, nice home, neighborhood, school etc.. I would hope this would help our side of the situation. I would not disagree with visitation if his parents and I were present. This is not a case of vengeance against the father from the mother just anger and infuriation that he just can't make the choice and/or clearly does not know how to make the choice to stop. It is not my daughters’ problem nor should it be her problem that he can't function properly. His parents cater to him only to keep him at bay for themselves with their money. My entire family is contemplating asking the parents for a "come to Jesus" so to speak.. meeting to put a halt to his desperate behavior and their admittance that they are responsible for feeding the behavior and the only ones who can stop it. After all he is 50 years old now! I do not want the traditional family court appointed strange supervisor with my child in some strange atmosphere with her messed up father as a memory. My entire family is willing to stand up to him in this situation for the best interest of the child. How do you protect your child against a "silent abuser" that no one else can see? How can I prove him unfit? I am having panic attacks at the thought of this going the wrong way.. it sickens me for my daughter. After all there is plenty of evidence of choices gone wrong in family court and that's an understatement. Responses and opinions PLEASE!! Any hints on a truly great PA attorney in this area of law would be very helpful also. Thanks for your Help.

[this8384]

I am a mother of an eight year old daughter whose biological father was diagnosed years ago with anxiety depression disorder. He has not gotten better as a result of therapy but chooses instead to overdose on his medication and drink on top of it. His therapist (who has since passed away from cancer) of course had no idea the entire time treating him. Unfortunately the problem with therapists especially the ones who treat their patients as friends instead of patients do not know nor are they paying attention to what is really happening when that person is at home alone. I found all this out when I ended up moving back in with him after a 6 year separation my child now 6 years old at the time, giving the father a "second chance" (mind you he had only seen the child once as a baby I was trying to do good for the child father relationship) Believing him thinking he had really made strides and after being all moved in discovered he was on medication. Something he neglected to tell me. I went to one visit to the therapist with him explaining the fathers’ slurred and defensive behavior and the therapist said to him "you're overdosing" and also asked the father if he could also not have a drink for 30 days. The biological fathers response was "not one?". I left in less than one year of being there. It has been just about 2 years and the biological father now wants visitation rights. He's lonely and desperate and knows my daughter is his last chance for any type of attention adoration. He cannot take care of himself or his surroundings properly. He is not on the birth certificate and we were never married. He wants to establish paternity, lives in another state and my fear is that he will have time alone unsupervised with my daughter which is not in her best interest. He cannot be trusted not to abuse and is mentally unfit. I do not want my happy child to go through any type of court situation or disturbance as she is very happy. It is emotionally wrong and unnecessary to do. The child is living with me and my fiancée in a very stable environment, nice home, neighborhood, school etc..I would hope this would help our side of the situation. I would not disagree with visitation if his parents and I were present. This is not a case of vengeance against the father from the mother just anger and infuriation that he just can't make the choice and/or clearly does not know how to make the choice to stop. It is not my daughters’ problem nor should it be her problem that he can't function properly. His parents cater to him only to keep him at bay for themselves with their money. My entire family is contemplating asking the parents for a "come to Jesus" so to speak.. meeting to put a halt to his desperate behavior and their admittance that they are responsible for feeding the behavior and the only ones who can stop it. After all he is 50 years old now! I do not want the traditional family court appointed strange supervisor with my child in some strange atmosphere with her messed up father as a memory. My entire family is willing to stand up to him in this situation for the best interest of the child. How do you protect your child against a "silent abuser" that no one else can see? How can I prove him unfit? I am having panic attacks at the thought of this going the wrong way..it sickens me for my daughter. After all there is plenty of evidence of choices gone wrong in family court and that's an understatement. Responses and opinions PLEASE!!! Any hints on a truly great PA attorney in this area of law would be very helpful also. Thanks for your Help.

Do you have any type of documentation showing that he has an alcohol and/or medication overdose problem(police incident reports, arrests, convictions, etc.)?

If he files with the courts, they'll first order a DNA test to establish him as the legal father. Once that is prove, they'll most likely appoint a guardian ad litem who will speak to you, your ex and possibly your daughter as well to get a better idea of the situation at hand. The guardian ad litem has a lot of strength in court; while they don't make the final decisions, the judge does place a lot of weight in their words.

Without proof that the child's father has abuse issues, it's going to be hard to keep him from her. If it does go so far that he does file in court, you can request supervised visitation.

[mamaconcern]

No documentation just the family as witness to it. Everyone knows including him that he is the father. Why should my daughter need to go and be subject to a DNA test when an Acknowledgement of Paternity can be signed in order to keep her out of it? I don't want her not to know her father I just want a smooth natural transition into visitation by way of family not court and assurance that someone is going to take the anxiety depression and medication in check while she's with him. Can a supervisor be a family member again to keep the strangeness out of the situation? This is not good for any child. I would ultimately like to work this out with both families not court. Your opinion?

[this8384]

No documentation just the family as witness to it. Everyone knows including him that he is the father. Why should my daughter need to go and be subject to a DNA test when an Acknowledgement of Paternity can be signed in order to keep her out of it? I don't want her not to know her father I just want a smooth natural transition into visitation by way of family not court and assurance that someone is going to take the anxiety depression and medication in check while she's with him. Can a supervisor be a family member again to keep the strangeness out of the situation? This is not good for any child. I would ultimately like to work this out with both families not court. Your opinion?

First of all, a DNA test is not as invasive as it sounds. They swipe her mouth with a cotton swab and do that same for him.

Secondly, him signing a paternity acknowledgement still gives him rights to see his child. If he doesn't agree to your terms, then he can petition the court and you will have to go by what they deem to be in the child's best interests.

Yes, a family member can be the supervisor if he agrees to supervised visitation. As I said, he may not agree and then it will be up to the courts whether visitation requires supervision.

I can sympathize with your situation completely; my husband tried working with his exwife for months to keep their case out of court. She refused to talk to him and when it came down to it, he filed for and was awarded primary placement. They now have a $613 bill for the guardian ad litem which they're still both paying off, they both have attorney's fees which have cost both of them well over $2,000 and they have court fees. So yes, if he is willing to settle out of court it will be the best for everyone.