[scentedcandles]

Hi I'm 33 and have been separated officially the last six months, but really my marriage was over when he left for the first time in aug 08. There was a period when he came back, left, came back, and then he came back from nov 08 until aug 09. It didn't work, as he had his girlf on the side all the time. I really tried everything to make my marriage work as we have 3 small children. Anyway, now I'm in a position that I'm lonely, and need some adult company. I've gone on a date or two, but recently was in contact with a guy for almost a month I'm cam chatting, texting and chatting for hours. Then we met. I couldn't stay for long, and I think he got the impression I wasn't that in to him, although we were a bit intimate. Anyway, we chatted again the next day, but then he went a bit cool, but he didn't stop contact. And suddenly I'm really upset. I let myself fall in to a well, even though I like him, get on so well with him, I ended up telling him I wouldn't be contacting him again. I felt he was going a bit cool, and I was being pre-emptive to try to protect my feelings... but I feel lousy. I told him that I wasn't ready for all this dating lark, and that I should just focus on my kids, but equally that I felt I liked him more than he liked me.In any case, he now probably thinks I'm plain crazy, which , having just re read this piece, I feel I am... Thankfully I am going to see a psychologist on Wednesday to sort my head around all the issues from my marriage breakdown, but still I need to get back out there, and get an actual, not virtual life... so back to the original question... how long do people usually leave it after separation before they get involved with someone again? I feel like I've just let my soulmate walk out the door even though he may well have been opening it and making his exit quietly anyway... aaaarrrrgggghhhh...
Thanks for your opinions...

[jaime90]

Depends on the person. Whether you get over it right away or whether it takes a year... you need to give yourself plenty of time, and don't rush into getting back on the "field." Make sure you are good and ready before you begin dating again.

[scentedcandles]

Thanks jaime90... I have decided to take at least 6 months to just focus on me and getting myself sorted out. And I won't be rushing in to anything... I'm glad I told this guy what I did though, because even though I really like him, it wouldn't be fair on him.
Thanks for advice anyway...

[talaniman]

Just stay with good clean adult fun and make friends through activities you like. No hurry, and have fun doing your thing after you find out what it is.

Then you will see dating much differently

Talaniman Rule- Dating is to have fun getting to know each other. No commitment necessary.

Like many before you, you think dating is for a long term commitment. Its not, or you wouldn't be in such a hurry, and skipped over the fun of it.