[bebemama]

Every time my husband walks into the room I'm in, the first thing he does is tell me something I'm doing wrong. Tonight I was using my laptop, he walked in and said "The cord is running between everything" (meaning it was at risk or something- it wasn't). When I blew up he said "well fine! When it's broken don't expect me to fix it!". I'm 54 years old. I've lived this long without his constant saving me from myself but I can't get him to stop. He doesn't fix anything, which makes it worse, just tells me what's wrong and mostly what I'm doing wrong. He's otherwise a pretty good guy but this makes me really resent him.

[amicon]

How long have you been married and when you have discussed this,what's his take on it?

[artlady]

When a woman tells her husband to zip his coat or don't forget his gloves,we are being nurturing.It what we do.We look out.My BF resents it and sees it as me thinking he is a fool.

He,on the other hand is much like your husband ,always giving me unsolicited advice similar to the cord issue.
I see it as being a nag who just needs to gripe about something I do.

Akin to, he has to knock me down in subtle ways to escalate himself.That is my take on it.

His take is that he is doing that nurturing thing,looking out and trying to be supportive.It is a habit and it drives me crazy too.He tells me when I need to flick my cigarette ash.
I'm 55 ,been smoking for many years and never burned anything yet.

I sometimes think he just says things to say something.Negative comments become the norm,instead of positive statements.

Instead of walking in the room and saying dinner looks good ,they see the negative and have to remind you "don't forget to check the rolls in the oven".

We have come to the conclusion that the adage works best "If you can't say something positive,don't say anything at all".
If you must criticize be sure it is something worthy of criticism.

He may need to be reminded now and again but it works for us on a fairly regular basis :)

[LJDK]

Explain to him it is in his nature to want to fix things. Give solutions and so forth. Then tell him he has to keep in mind you both are different which is a good thing. And what you need is not someone to fix or think they fix things but someone who will appreciate the fact that you both are different and that all you need is understanding and empathy. Not solutions

He must practise for a week to not give solutions or criticism. You both will feel much more happy.

[Gemini54]

I know what this is like - it's like a general irritation with everything (including you) and it seeps into all your interactions.

The only way to do something about it, is to be aware of it. Have a talk with your hubby, sometime when you're both feeling relaxed. Tell him that you love him, but that you think the negative criticism (and your reaction) dynamic is affecting your relationship. Essentially you feel like you want to bash his head into the wall because his comments don't achieve anything.

Tell him you'd like to work on changing the dynamic - and that you want to do it together. Start, on a daily basis, looking for positive things to say, and when he feels like making a negative comment ask him to hold his tongue.

Ask him to put $1 into a jar every time he holds his tongue and, hopefully, soon enough you'll have enough to go out for dinner!

[bebemama]

How long have you been married and when you have discussed this,what's his take on it?

We've been married 15 years and have discussed this many times. He believes he is "saving" me from whatever outcome he's projecting. In his mind it's helpful and I'm the one who's too sensitive and doesn't get it.

[bebemama]

[QUOTE=Gemini54;2167111]I know what this is like - it's like a general irritation with everything (including you) and it seeps into all your interactions.

Gemini, Artlady and LDJK - all good suggestions. ArtLady, how did we marry the same man? : ) Your examples were exactly what I was trying to describe. We have talked about negative remarks before and have off and on had to remind each other because we both came from families who never said anything good without following it up with a negator. I never thought of tying it in with that but I can see it is from the same habit.
I will use the suggestions from all of you to talk about it. I feel I have a better grip on it now. I'll post in a few days and let you know how it works out.

[jmjoseph]

Tell him the outcome of whatever "tragedy" that he is preventing is less than the damage from the resentment that he is causing.

[bebemama]

[QUOTE=bebemama;2167992][QUOTE=Gemini54;2167111]to describe.

Oops, describe