[undertaker666]

Before my question, here is my story so that you would be aable to get the right imformation about the problem that I have..

My girlfriend and I had been together for almost 4 years already.. but under
Circumstances, I am her first boyfriend so as expected, they tend to look for something that I don't have... my girlfriend and I broke up last December 13. But before that, it started on October.. I think I was all my fault by because she only sees me as a person with no future and irresponsible.. it is so frustating on my part because I really was trying to do my very best to change and looking for big jobs... just to prove to her that I won't give up till I amresponsible.. the worst thing happened is that whenever she feels so devastated on me,she never ties to work out issues out together as a cuple instead, she went to another guy(married guy) thinking as her friend whom she can share her frustrations.. what happened next, she admitted to me that they had sex 4 times and she told me she did it because she was angry at me and was so hurt to the fact that I have no future etcc... I felt so devastated... but she asked for a chance to work things out.. it has been a month that I have been trying to show and prove to her my worth. Though it really hurts on what she did, I accepted her and gave us a chance... the date was nov 21. For 1 week, we were working things out until a minor issue occurred(can be solved in an instant) she wouldn't speak if or shall I sayshe is not very vocal when in terms of solving the issue.. so what she did was turning away a problem and leaving it stranded.. it is so frustrated that led us into a big fight.. so we broke up again.. and never contavted for a week.. I was so desperate.. with her absence, I borrowed money to buy her sandals... just to make an effortto show how sorry I am just to be in good terms again.. so when we met, she told me she made up her mind... eihter to be friends or to forget everything.. of course I chhose to be her friend.. so for 1 week everything seemed to okay.. of course things change.. no more kiss on the lips, no more holding of hands.. but I was expecting more to happen.. dec 11, she went to a party and I asked her if I cuold come, she told me no.. But she hugged me and then I felt so great so I just said to her it's fine.. (I was so stupid) she partied until 6am in the morning.. she even told me she was dancing with guys.. etc.. I pretended to understand her.. thouhg hurting inside.. so the next day, I thought it is already the right time to take the next step... I tried to hold her hand but she refused.. I felt so devastated... so it went into an argument... she said we are just friends blah blah blah... then I find myself begging and crying.. () the next day, it was dec. 13. I called her at her office by the phone at lunch time and just trying to be nice telling her to take her lunch break.. she hang up the phone and texted me, don't ever bother me again.. and don't even think to drop by at my office if you don't want to be dragged out by the security! What?? So what I did was no to contact her for two days.. but I was so desperate so I texted her everyday in any means.. no reply is all I've got.. another worst blow is that on Thursday, dec 16, she texted me to ask 3k but to give it through her mom.. not through her... of course my stupidity took control.. I lend it to her mom thinking this would be the start of working out.. still no word from her.. it was awful and I really felt so devastated and tortured. She never spoke a word after that. She never texted me. As expected, I tried to text her how much I miss her and asking if we could talk, or if we could meet or if I could visit her in the office.. the answer is always NO!. for two weeks. But she never returned any text for me. Worst is that a week after, the date was dec 23.. my frustration grew and led to frustratiion so I asked her why don't you want to see me? Is there something that you want to tell? So she said, if you don't want to get hurt, don't come here in the office.. so I was intrigued.. I repeatedly asked her why.. that when she told me she was dating someone else..! So I decided to go to her office to see if its true.. when I surprised her at her office, I found out that she was dating another guy and purposely wanted me to witness in front of my eyes.. and she let me see her riding at his car! I really felt I'm going to die and acted so very needy and desperate. So on the third week, I decided to cut the communication. For one week, I never called or texted her . On January 3, she texted me a qoute with a message that she misses my family so much. I gnored her. The following day, which is Monday, she texted me and asked how I am doing. I still ignored her. During lunch, she texted me again that she went to eat her lunch at my favorite café. Still I continue to ignore her. And then on the afternoon, she texted me she can't move on... so I texted her that I was so busy... and by answering her question that I was doing great.. then 3 hours later, she asked if we could still be friends... so at this point.. I'm confused.. because I know that it is a no no... but I was driven by my emotions and agreed to her.. because I pity her for what she felt.. then she thanked me.. at night, I was still confused, so I texted her and asked her reason why do you want us to be friends again? She answered that she don't want to waste our 4 years of relationship.. so I decided to stop texting her. Later on, she asked me how I am doing.. so I texted back that I am doing fine.. and asked her how she was doing tooo.. she just answered me "nothing really important".. and I was bothered by that answer. So I asked why? And she never texted me back.. then I asked her landlyn new landline number if its OK for us to talk... but she never responded... so I decided to text her this... " ho i wish we could talk now but i think that it's not time yet so i decided to say it through text.. i wanna thank you for everything that happend.. i think everything happpend for a reason.. i really understand.. on that day it happened when i saw you dating someone, i was really crushed and made me realize something... i realize between my needs and wants in life. i realize that i dont need you for me to move on with my life and to straighten up my life to reach my dreams and goals.. i was able to stand up on my own feet all by myseld and i felt so great. i wanna thank you for waking me up.. but i wanted you to know that i want you. i want to spend the rest of my life with you.. because til now i can't lie the fact that i still love you.. but i am so sorry, i think being friends is not such a good idea... im so sorry.." then she never replied and I went to sleep..

Today, January 5, I decided to be friends with her and just thought that I would still applly the NO CONTACT RULE... so I texted her " ei, lets just be friends.. you are right. we have been together now for a long time. i just want to make it up to you..." then she replied, "you are so confusing... you are so inconsistent..." that shook me... so I replied " hehehe. i just can't deny the fact that i still care for you and this is the way i can show that i still do.. i just want us to have a stress free new year.. i hope we could refresh everything this year and leave all bad things behind last year.. im hoping if we could cross paths, all we do is just smile with each other.." and she didn't text back. And I was expecting that.. so by lunch, I texted her in a sweet way, "ei, it's lunch time. have a break and eat your lunch..." then I texted again in the same manner.. let's be friend OK?" but she never texted back...

so in the afternoon.. I decided to text her the last time... i told her the main reason why i changed my mind.. i texted her.. " I've decided today because I don't want to cause another pain for both of us to bear.. I just want us both to be happy in each of our lives... I just want us this year to smile more and be happy.. " that was the last text i sent to her.. still as expected, she didn't text back.. before i went to sleep, i texted her saying gudnyt and dont forget to pray before you sleep.. and she replied "yes. Thankyou" that's the last text I received.. but I have decided not to text her for how long I can.. maybe 1 month or until she texts me first... then I would just text back after 2 days.. etc..

Now my concern is, am I still on the right track to get her back?

Or am I losing her?
I'm confused what's come to happen..
Should I continue to pursue her?
Or are my efforts worth it?
I really hate myself for lovinig her.. but right now, I'm in moving stage but still, hoping for the best.. but yet confusing at the same time.. or maybe I'm still sleeping..
If my objective was to get her back, am I doing it correctly?
I really don't know what to do... im still confuse.. I was planning to tell her again that being friends is not really a good idea... bcoz ryt now, I'm beginning to see the benefits of being friends... heartache... or is it okay not to take back my word as friend but apply the no contact rule? I just want her to be back in desperate mode or at least let her realize everything what she has done and for taking me for granted...

Please I need your help immediately to blue print my plan as soon as possible...
Sometimes my brain wants to set her free and let go.. sometimes I can say
I don't want to lose her...
I'm completely condused right now and very lost... I wonder what could she been thinking right now about the situation.. is she still dating with that guy? What if I have moved on.. would I regret it if I found out later on that she was already sincere? I really don't know.. I don't get it sometimes women really try to hide their true feelings that could really mislead us into a decision that we could regret.. adivice anyone?
I'll be waiting for your response... thank you so much

[Metalhead11592]

Hey undertaker,
You need to make up your mind about whether you want to be with her or not. In my own opinion as a person who has had many more relationships that ended in disaster, I'll tell you this history has a tendency to repeat itself. After this stuff has happened to you I would advise to NOT contact her what-so-ever. If she isn't just causing you stress and issues its not worth it. But even if you love her and she loves you but she goes and sleeps with another man you owe yourself to go and find yourself someone better.

[amicon]

Am I right in thinking you gave/lent her 3000( dollars I assume)? After leading you a merry dance backwards and forwards? Look walk away from this-its toxic- and if you can't get your money back-its an expensive lesson learned.

[undertaker666]

Thanks

I'm just wondering if I'm just trying to stretch out my patience or am I haven't waken up to face the reality.. atually its 3000 pesos.. $80

[Metalhead11592]

thanks

im just wondering if im just trying to stretch out my patience or am i havent waken up to face the reality.. atually its 3000 pesos.. $80

Hey bud,
I'm sorry to say this but you need to face the facts about this, you need someone better and $80 is a decent amount of money but nothing you can't earn back. I say cut your losses, and let her go dude for your own good, or else that 3000 pesos could be 3000 dollars.:eek:

[undertaker666]

In my idea, knowing that I am her first boyfriend, every time we got problems, she could be easily poisoned by the wwrong persons she seek for an advice or help. And I know also that there is a tendency she would look for something that I don't have.. how I wish I could teach her that but it's so hard being in the position of being her boyfriend because she might actually see it as a biased idea in favor to me.. that's why it sucks... I big tendency is that she might be misguided by her so-called advisers.. one trait that she has is that she has this huge pride.. and stubborn.. she wants to experience things first- hand in order to learn.. and then if it is something awful, she'll turn to me and apologize and say that I'm was right.. I hate that part!

[undertaker666]

Thanks though for the advice bro!

I should just stop thinking about this mess and focus on my life and flirt another girls and have fun to get rid of her in my mind...

[J. Sparks]

She's already slept with another guy. She has tasted other flavors of cake out there. It will never work. You can get her back, but she will use you and leave again for more cake.

[undertaker666]

Last Monday my ex girlfriend was so desperate and text messaging me how I was doing... then sayong that she can't move on then the last was she wants us to be friends after 3 weeks of break up... I never contacted her... so by the time she asked if we could be friends back in a desperate way, (affected by her emotion which is very stupid) I said to her that is great to be friends... but at night, when I tried to read articles in the net, it was actually a bad move.. so I took back what I said and said to her that I'm sorry but we can't be friends. The next day, I changed my mind to be friends with her because a want to start a stress free new year, no more hatred, pain and bitterness... so when I texted her that I want her as friends, she replied that I'm so inconsistent and she never texted back! (very stupid me) so I tried to explain the reason that I did it because I care for her and not letting her feel desperate like what I have been through.. (she actually dumped me on the break up and I pitied her! HAPPENS A LOT WHEN YOU ARE INLOVE) and thought maybe she understood.. we never contacted for 2 days applying the no contact rule.. but tonight I emailed her very firmly that I don't to ber her friend and that was final.. stating my reasons that I wouldn't really work out... and I'm planning not to contact her ever till she makes the first move...


Is it possible?? Can I still get her back?? Would she chase after me??

[talaniman]

Since we can't read her mind, and neither can you, I suggest you forget about getting her back, or even being her friend. Leave her alone and do your own thing without her, and let her do the same. Hey friend, that's what she is going to do any way.

[amicon]

Make a firm promise to yourself to stick to no contact-and move on. Stop worrying about what she might or might not do-and stop adding to the confusion by changing your mind over and over again.
NC all the way and don't look back.